Abuse
No one tells you how long it takes to get over it
No one tells you about the random triggers you face
Did that happen to me?
Why can't I remember it?
Triggers
It takes away from a happy day
The memories keep happening
Am I getting better or worse?
Why does every day seem like I'm remembering more
Worse
Psychology says my brain originally hid those memories to protect me
In order to stay happy I have to simply forget
Why can I see them now?
Why do they still hurt after all this time

~Emma Rose

An independent woman is viewed as a disease
How dare I not need a man to depend on.
How dare I speak my opinion loud and proud.
Where did I gain so much confidence
Considering this society sends ads to attack my opinion of myself
And make me understand my place is to be small

As an independent woman
I understand my power when it comes to other woman
I can be a hand to help lift them up
Show them that we do exist
And to help them out when the men talk over her or mansplain her

However heed my warning
Men are ****** when we show our dominance
They call us *****
They laugh when we make simple mistakes
Because they’ve been taught
Boys will be boys
But women, must hold their tongues

~Emma Rose

I dated a wrestler,
Mom liked him,because he was white and had red hair like me
He bought me things, even though I didn’t ask
He carried my books to class, and opened the doors
He held my hand and sometimes grabbed my ***

But I didn’t mind because I’ve been taught
Through society that when things are bought
****** payments are what females give with no afterthought

So with much gratitude
I sent him a ****
And he send it to the whole school

Starting with the wrestling team,
But some of them were football players so they sent it to their team
So on and so forth until the extreme

Sexualassults were happening constantly
Hallways turned into a runway of grabs and brushes against my ***
Some even slipped a dollar into my pocket as payment for the peak

When a **** of lingerie for a nice guy turned into a beacon that I’m a *****
People starting victim blaming me, ‘you shouldn’t have done that’
And the principle doesn’t care

He overheard from a group of boys
He got the picture and had it printed sitting on his desk,
“This is chidpornography if I see you sending this again you’ll be in trouble”

I realized no one was going to defend me and so the strong women I am known to be
Hid, when I need her strength the most
Once confident head held high, I try to blend in with the crowd

I changed the way I dressed into sweatshirts and baggy pants
But they continue because it’s not the way I dress, but that I’ve become inferior
And the open palms that graze me burn with masculinity

~Emma Rose

I am a suicide survivor and although I’m not proud of it I’ve come to realize it’s made me better
Because like a phoenix I rose
I grew up in a home that didn’t want me, that told me it wanted to abort me but couldn’t afford it
I grew up in a home that abused me and beat me when I made the simplest of mistakes
I grew up in a home that decided drugs were more important than feeding me a good meal
I grew up in a home that would kick me out for a couple of nights because I was getting older and didn’t want to deal with the ******* anymore
I grew up in a home that neglected me but raised another child spoiled and loved right in front of my eyes.
I grew up in a home that chose a man over me and left me in the dust wondering why she never loved me.
But this home put a fire in my heart
It made me independent, and it made me strong, and quite mature for my age
It gave me an authoritative personality that I use everyday to my benefit
After my suicide attempt I decided to show this home just how strong I was
I got B+ grades and was super involved
I made friends with both my teachers and peers
But something that both the home and suicide attempt gave me
Was a want to do something scary once a day just to prove to myself I can grow
From my freshman year of high school to now I still follow that rule.
It could be as simple as a sharing this poem or talking to a cute boy in my Speech class which ultimately led me to my fiance
But regardless because of my attempt I have grown as a person
Because like a phoenix I rose

~Emma Rose

I'm sick of you being a ******* toddler
I'm sick of the fact my childhood ended so early
I'm sick of you

Your irresponsible and I have to clean up your messes
You had another kid you didn't want to take care of so I had too
You drink too much and I have to come get

When did you decide I wasn't your daughter but your DD
When did you start only caring about you
When will you realize you've destroyed our relationship

~Emma Rose

I get so turn with ‘friends’
I understand to know my worth
So I cut off the bad ones
And now i'm left with none

Is it my fault that I was never taught relationships
I dated so many people just to find some kind of filler
Filling holes with fake love and empty promises
But I never really learned the idea of friendship

Of course I blame myself
But I also blame my abusers
Why can't I live healthily
Why can't I live normally

But thinking like that brings me pain
I need fillers that aren't people
Knowledge and adventure
Because after all what is a human being without our mind

Successfully I've done this
People think I live an amazing busy life
They don't see the Wednesday nights alone on my couch pondering
They only see what I want them too and she's not exactly me

I keep myself busy to escape the depression
And that honesty hurts and cuts deep
But being busy is learning and new experiences
I then soon have a realization that I'm only human

~Emma Rose

God Forbid a young girl,
Has an absent father
A father who chose drugs over her but yet she still longs for his acceptance
But as age grew on her she started finding that acceptance from young boys.
Boys who if her father was an ideal man would have warned her not to date
The girl only longed for unconditional love

God Forbid a young girl,
Has a mother who is cold to the touch
A mother who never echos the words “I’m proud”
Even though that girl has big dreams that she accomplishes a little bit day by day
The mother still blames her for losing her man because she had that child
The girl only longed for acknowledgment

God Forbid a young girl,
Contemplates taking her life
Because both parents are uninvolved and unaware of her
The toxic environment eats away at her large heart and she slowly is fading away
She found out shortly that she would have to find love some other way
The girl only longed to be alive.

~Emma Rose