AR: Poems

AR Aug 2014

and if you knew,
truly knew.

you'd know,
how much i miss you
how much i yearned to be with you, just for one more moment.
one.

but its impossible,

we're now parallel lines.

12:51 AM

AR Mar 2014

12:51 AM

You kissed me for the last time before you drove away in your car,
My mind repeating the words I'd spoke out I think I'd gone to far,
Foggy were your eyes, rage burning mine,
You found a pretty blonde to play with, I'd gone to far this time,
And yet one hundred miles away I wake with your speckled face in mind,
Deceived by my own feelings greed had made me blind,
It's only now I walk the day with doubt only now the night i lack,
Lack the courage to tell you I'm sorry, but It's far too late to ever go back.

7 days

AR Aug 2014

7 days

It's been seven days since we last spoke
And those words were rarley kind
That Monday i told you I hated you
That Monday you told me love was blind.

Since then I've tried replacing you
Blocking you from my being
However no matter how hard i try
If i close my eyes it's your face I'll be seeing.

I like to keep my poetry short and sweet
The same with my affair
But you effected me so abudently
I think of you more than I'd like to share.

So please, even though we no longer speak
Do not think that you're gone for good
I wish that Monday had never happened
If I could change these seven days,
I would.

8.26 am

AR Aug 2013

8.26 am

Today I woke up in a panicked state
Bones aching from lying awkwardly lines on my back from the pressing sheets
Turning over you're there breathing deeply asleep
Your facing away only your shoulder peeking up through the duvet
Thoughts racing I grab my t shirt and make way to leave
Only your hand reaches out to pull on my waist pulling me back to your side.

Affection

AR Jun 2013

Affection

I love the smell of your skin
When I wake at 2.40 am
Your sleepy face unaware of my eyes
Sinking slowly in

The way you look when you wake
Momentarily all dazed and confused
I hold you tight against my chest
And hope that I don't loose

The speckles of brown dots
Smothering your face
Creeping around your skin
I trace each freckle very carefully
And beam a secret grin.

*A.R

A late evening in late summer

AR Sep 2017

A late evening in late summer

I sit in one of our many local pubs
Sipping on strong cheap coffee
reading a damaged book, from a second hand bargain bin.

I don't look up much, I don't desire the opinions of others -
watching a young woman sat alone in a bar.
On the occasions that I do, I see couples and groups giggling idly in the late evening sun.

In my head I create my own version of their stories
who they are; where they've been.
I imagine they have lead a rich and fulfilled life, but
Reality?

Each a small city dweller, engulfed by the swollen population and streets scorched reputation.
Never to escape.

Alive

AR Dec 2013

Alive

The first time I met you I questioned your place
Looking into your sad eyes, your mysterious face
The way you just stood there fixed on my eyes
Feelings of electric between you and me flies
The first time you kissed me I had my eyes shut
But I can't forget the feelings I felt in my gut
Some strange hold you had over me I simply cannot loose
And so I had made a decision, I had to choose
But I cannot regret that decision that I made
For if one relationship didn't end ours would of fade
And so we're here, unsure of where we stand
Led in the darkness holding your hand
Listening to sad stories about your past
Opening up your feelings letting me in at last
I admire your courage I'm in love with your smile
Wait a bit longer, just for a little while.

Always Almost

AR Jul 2015

Always Almost

I am always almost
and we are forever maybe

You are more right here right now
yet I am more lets wait and see

Together we are impossible and complicated
together we fight and disagree

You and I are poles apart
you and I should not become we.

A message from Robert

AR Dec 2014

A message from Robert

Every time I look at you I can't help but stare,
you're the most beautiful girl I've ever met.
When you touch me I get shivers -
a weird warm feeling in my chest when you kiss me.
I miss you when I'm with you.
I always want to be close to you.

It feels good. You make me *happy.

Wrote by the guy im seeing, I thought it sounded like poetry

Amoureux

AR Jul 2013

Amoureux

Green with flickers of amber gold
Olive bronzed skin to the touch cold

Sweet aroma from neck and wrist
No patch of brown speckled skin unkissed

Full head of hair to dark for browns
Four forehead wrinkles from many frowns

Cheeks pink constantly flush
My lips against yours, lovingly brush

Artifical stars

AR Oct 2013

Artifical stars

It's 2am and we walk apon the sand
Taking comfort in the darkness, seashells collected in my hand
I hear in my right ear the ocean in my other ear the city cry
I look up at the shimmering stars suffocating the night sky
I scribbled my name in the sand, marking where I'd been
The sea will wash it away come morn my name never to be seen
Gazing into the distance I see the city lights all a glow
Twinkling artificial stars, there own unique beauty they do not know.

Ashtray

AR Jun 2018

Ashtray

I think I smoke to remember,
There's something about holding a cigarette between my lips
that keeps the memory of you alive.
You are with me on every inhale -
Escaping my grasp when I finally breath out.

A Void

AR Aug 2015

A Void

I wanted to write poetry
About how I felt inside

But the pen remained untouched
The ink left alone
The paper, empty

And then I realised
That was exactly how I felt.

Changes

AR Jun 2013

Changes

Nothing fits anymore like
How easy it was to make friends at
School or the way I could light up a room

Nothing fits anymore like
Going out every night till the early hours and then
Heading back home in the gloom

Nothing fits anymore like
The way life seemed so care free and fresh
like summer's flowers in bloom

Nothing fits anymore and thats
Ok because life changes from light to dark just
Like the sun and the moon.

Cold, Calculating

AR Oct 2014

Cold, Calculating

I wanted to write you - to tell you how i felt,
I wanted to write such delicate words that would maybe make you melt...

But your mind is like the frost - that sits upon my sill,
Your heart an empty snow globe perhaps with our memories i could fill...

Like glaciers - we're constantly moving, under the pressure of our own weight,
Trapped under the frozen river, helplessly awaiting our bittersweet fate...

How cold and calculating you are - turning everything around you into snow,
As soon as i feel springs warmth its gone, back to cold, not aloud to grow...

Ive been under winters spell too long. Its over - everything here is bleak,
Finally i turn to walk out of the darkness, but lips like snowflakes touch my cheek...

Collaboration of Words

AR Nov 2014

Collaboration of Words

Start again, pick it up
The relationship? Poison in our viens

You have a beautiful brain
But my god, those drugs aren't heaven and don't help

When we met - fire blazing
Now? Dead.
End.

I left your life.
You left my heart.

*Will I be hearing your voice again?

Contradictions

AR Nov 2014

Contradictions

You say you've never known commitment, yet there's tattoos upon your skin.

You think you've never been fragile, yet your body has scars - small and paper thin.

You don't believe that luck exists, yet say how lucky you are to have found me.

You can't accept such things as fate - but believe people play a role in your destiny.

Maybe i wasn't the right ink, didn't leave the right mark, the black cat that crossed your way.

Perhaps just coincidence, chance an accident could this be why you didn't stay?

Conversations with a Schizophrenic

AR Jun 2018

Conversations with a Schizophrenic

“You know
life can be sad sometimes.
And once you get past the sad
it's medium.
And once you get past the medium
well -
then it's magic.”

Conversations with a Schizophrenic - Part Two

AR Jul 2018

Conversations with a Schizophrenic - Part Two

"You know if you dislike people?
That stops you growing as a person."

Dear Rain

AR Nov 2014

Dear Rain

Dear Rain,
If you're listening I pray you send the storm, across the welsh seas.
Thunder so loud it deafens my cries at night, a howling winds so chilly it freezes my weak heart.
I hope the lightening is so bright that it blinds me to the memories of him, the clatter of the rain on my loft-space bedroom, my tears look pathetic and put to shame.
I hope you bring your clouds of grey to clash with my awful mood. And when the nights over, when this is all over,
I hope and I pray you bring that dazzling rainbow - and I find my *** of gold in the end.

Love,
Ria.

Getting over someone and trying to look for the good once the bad is over. Moving on and being optimistic will take time!

Dwell

AR May 2017

Dwell

There are too many thoughts of recent, that fester within my mind
Ruminating over a chapter in life that has long been left behind
Stuck in a timeless cycle, stuck clinging inside my insides
Nostalgia washing up dangerous debris over and over on my memories tides

Peaceful from the outside but great explosions from within
A ticking time bomb of confusion appears to sink and settle in
Reminiscent of some past years, that I struggle to believe where even real
Left with an unpleasant echo, a hazy voice, a distant embrace that I still very much feel.

Edinburgh

AR Jul 2018

Edinburgh

I left my love locked on a wired fence
Engraved for all to see
I left my love in the castle on the hill
And inside the national art gallery

On cobbled streets
And in tartan shops
Near a cafe down a winding lane
I reminisce about fancy food
And broken bathtubs
Nostalgia, continuously feeding my pain

Enough

AR Sep 2014

Enough

Enough.**

It isn't enough for you to speak words but deny me actions
to tell me your lies and sustain from affections
I glare into your eyes, they show nothing at all
spent a year trying so hard -- to just watch it fall.

Fairy Tales

AR Apr 2015

Fairy Tales

It's funny.

How everyone leaves
I dream of this fairy tale ending
Yet I don't make it to the ball
I don't get a fairy godmother -
Always alone.

I can foretell the ending to my tale
I do not need a crystal ball
Perhaps I spend my time kissing the wrong frogs
Or maybe I'm no Princess at all...

A.R

Fall

AR Sep 2015

Fall

I crave the howling gales battling my window pain
I dream of the burgundy leaves falling once again

I wish for the terrible rains their sound to send me to sleep
Autumn is fast approaching and I fall in love so deep

I adore the darkened mornings and even more the darker nights
I'll get excited for carving pumpkins and Halloween festive frights

And when the fun is over, by the log fire I will stay
With my favourite mug of hot cocoa, dreaming falls chilly nights away.

Flicker

AR Nov 2013

Flicker

They say if you look up at the moon someone somwhere is looking up too,

That night the moon was clear as can be and so I reminiced of you and me,

A time and a date many memories ago
A place full of happiness never any woe,

A night so bright it shimmered like gold
A love affair of the ages never to be told,

A young romance between friends, a night time thrill
Staring at the stars I begin to feel a sudden chill,

As I glance away from the moon and the sky,
I have myself questioning why oh why?

Why did our love die like the shimmering stars,
Our love doomed, like venus and mars.

Forecast

AR Feb 2016

Forecast

Together we create mass destruction -
Like tsunamis and hurricanes.
Maybe it's because I was conceived in a storm -
And your childhood was nothing but a tempest.
Yet my winds can be controlled, my stormy seas tamed -
But your earthquakes shake so violently and your volcanos ooze destruction.
No matter how hard I try the rage inside you continues burning -
all a blaze, fire and demolition.
I cannot help you this time -
I cannot save you from self obliteration.

Forgetting

AR Jun 2013

Forgetting

Deep thinking leaves you raw,
Like dry lips from too many cigarettes,
Lying awake makes you nostalgic,
Like the way your fingers traced my spine

Heavy drinking leaves you numb,
Like when you said good bye for good,
Crying all night makes you vulnerable,
Like the time you told me of your past

Memories leave me agitated,
Like the way your eyes searched my own,
Forgetting makes me strong,
Like when I told myself to let you go.

Forgotten

AR Jun 2015

Forgotten

I think you've forgotten my name
or at least my smile my face
because the girl you run to isn't me,
she's someone who took my place

I think you've forgotten my love
the way we'd stay up all night
because the girl in front of you isn't me,
She's someone who makes us fight

I think you've forgotten my words
I gave you everything my all
because the girl you speak of isn't me,
She's someone you run to when you fall

I know you've forgotten your promises
the way you'd look at me and say I have nothing to fear
because the boy who promised me this has gone,
In his place a boy whose feelings are very unclear.

For my Father on Fathers day

AR Jun 2015

For my Father on Fathers day

I'll keep this message short as I'm writing it on a text,
What i have to say is important Dad so keep reading what i write next.

Even though we have our ups and downs and even though you can be mean,
I know our bond is unconditional over 20 years evidence can be seen.

When i was younger you were sense of security with arms to hold me tight,
Sleeping on my bedroom floor to keep me safe at night.

When i got a little older you helped me through every GSCE and A level test,
Without you i wouldn't be at university without you i wouldn't of achieved my best.

Now that I'm an "adult" it seems your jobs been done,
Yet i know you still worry secretly you're a mother hen just like mum.

I know you'll always be there for me and truthfully? I'll always need you there,
To offer me words of wisdom, your humour, your kindness, your care.

So have a lovely fathers day even though we're apart,
Know wherever you go in life, you'll be on my wrist, and in my heart.

Front Door

AR Apr 2015

Front Door

I want you to show up at my front door tonight
drunk and soaking wet
confessing how much you've missed me
regretting how it was left

That girl you're seeing now
she's a distraction to stop you going mad
when you close your eyes its my face you see
to take away the sad

I want you to tell me all of these things
and then to forcefully invite yourself in
i want you to grab my face and tell me you love me
and for us to try again

I then want to take you to bed
and have you hold me like before
i could wait up all night -

But there will be no knock at my front door.

Hallucinogens

AR Mar 2014

Hallucinogens

Your drugs come in a plastic baggie inhaled through your nose,
I inhale the scent of your skin looking at you i froze,

My parents warned me about you, a bad boy with good lips,
Overdosing on your mystery your mind concealed like a solar eclipse,

Puffing on a beneficial herb that makes you sleep at night,
Who'd of known i could become high from you; a tragically damaged delight.

Happy Birthday Dad

AR Nov 2014

Happy Birthday Dad

Dad today its your 48th birthday so im sending you this rhyme,
I wanted to come and visit but it seems we both dont have the time!
Just because we have little time to speak and we live 100 miles apart,
Doesnt mean your not in my thoughts dad, your forever in my heart.
And so I wish you happy birthday and I thank you for being you!
You're the strongest, wisest most affectionate man, you being my dad is a dream come true!
And i know we're not perfect, but we've never claimed to be.
But if a father and daughter could come close? It would definitely be you and me.

Happy birthday to my wonderful dad (20th November). Lots of love and hugs!

Haze

AR Sep 2013

Haze

Sunset,
Reading poetry in a language unfamiliar
Your mind focused on the pages before you
Only returning to reality to inhale fumes from the lit Cigarette you hold in your hand
Perfection is what I see
Glowing in the ambers and the topaz from the suns brilliant rays
Reaching,
I brush your lips with mine taking you off guard
The book falls from your hand
My skin taking its place
If I could have a moment forever,

God it would be this.

Her

AR Sep 2014

Her

If you were to kiss me now, would you be thinking of her instead?
If you were to lay next to me tonight, would she be the one occupying your head?

When I wrote you those letters, did you secretly wish they were wrote by her hand?
Sorry I'm not the one you wanted, not the girlfriend that you had planned.

So when you tell me you love me, do you picture her face in your mind?
How she'd look when you tell her, about all those times you have pined -

Pined for her body her mind - every second of every hour of every day
How you can both make it work even with her boyfriend in the way.

How do you expect me to feel Robert? Knowing what i know
You expect me to carry on with this relationship, to just go with the flow?

You know second best comes easy to me, I've understood it from the start
I gave you my all, but you still you wanted to give her your heart

If she didn't have a lover I know you'd be there right by her side
That day I heard you tell her my heart broke, I could have died

But for now you are with me, promising I'm the only one that you desire
I know from that Thursday morning that you are an exceptionally good liar.

As I hide behind your bedroom door I heard you speak your words to her
You told her how you wanted her, of which of us you would prefer

You lead there completely naked allowing her to see your all
and as she sat there giggling my heart began to fall.

I don't know what I expected from this poem; my feelings I needed to pour out
Robert, you say you love me not her but babe I have a lot of doubt.

*A.R

Just something that happened recently to me with a guy i liked and another girl who is always somehow involved in our relationship. Its happened before, and i just needed somewhere to vent rather than let it eat me alive thinking about it again and again.

#love #heartbreak #promises #broken #confused #liar

Hope

AR Jul 2013

Hope

Heart like stone
Eyes a colourless tone
You put up a hard fight you won
But I still believe there's a chance for you and me
I still have hope that you're my sun
And after all this time
I see your convictions as no crime
A window where we'd sit
A cigarette that's what was lit
So give me hope through this dark patch that there will be light
And that you'll remember the winter we fell and you'll hold me tonight
Comforted by you skin and by your smell
The tattoo on your ribcage my fingers know only too well.

I

AR Nov 2014

I

I want to be better.
I want to be more.
I want to be pretty.
I want to be sure.

I want to travel.
I want to fly.
I want to love.
I want to try.

I have to succeed.
I have to strive.
I have to live.
I have to thrive.

I will be good looking.
I will be free.
I will be skinny.
I will be me.

I feel very unimportant.
I feel very low.
I feel very insignificant.
All this i can't show.

Last day of 2014

AR Apr 2015

Last day of 2014

I wore the last present you bought me for the last day of 2014 -
A pair of brown leather brogues.

and it’s funny, because they blistered my toes and made walking agony.

Prehaps it was payback for walking all over you
Like you were a *******, an ironic message.
You did always hate feet -

Maybe it’s not just feet anymore
Maybe its me

*A.R

Last Promise

AR Mar 2015

Last Promise

"I promise"* and "on your life" were some of your more favoured lines
I'd heard them over and over for two years - so many times

And of course i believed you, every ******* word you'd said
So why am i lying here alone, by myself, in this bed?

The last promise you made me was on paper, with jet black ink
A message in a bottle the words i struggle to recall - to think

So painful to remember yet so hard to forget
You promised to stay by my side from the 1st day we met

That was your last promise inscribed on white sheet
To bad you turned out to be a liar, a coward -
a ******* cheat.

*A.R.

#relationship #breakup #over

Love Triangle

AR May 2015

Love Triangle

You left your new girlfriend for me
after that day we spent on the beach
you wrote I love you in the sand
proceeding to give a speech

Even though you let her go
and decided to be with me
you spend all your days away
with her in her company

You get high together
you drink you smoke you sleep
it keeps me up alone at night
i crumble i begin to weep

You say that your just friends
and that there's nothing there to hide
I see you at best for an hour a day
why are you always by her side?

How am I meant to feel?
when you go between us two
I love you so completely
but this relationship is not her, me and you.

Mayhill

AR Jul 2013

Mayhill

I allow my eyes to roam where the clouds and hills meet
Far across the country is where my thoughts fleet

Somewhere in the distance my memories lie with you
As I sit here on Foley bench I wonder if you think of me too

There's something about this place beneath the 99 pine trees
I think I hear your voice beckoned by the breeze

I wonder where you are and I hope that you're alright
I hope that your happy and that your smiling again tonight.

Me and my boyfriend wrote this on top of Mayhill together

Melt Away

AR Jun 2013

Melt Away

You shook your head again at me an action i know only to well,
Frustration covering your face disappointment easy to tell,
The one thing that I'm best at is the one thing that you hate,
Being a failure no good be smarter, you sit and contemplate,
So we'll sit here in silence nothing more to say,
I am nothing, I am worthless thats how you made me feel today.

Mon coeur est brise

AR Apr 2014

Mon coeur est brise

I wrote poetry on your skin.

Tracing every part of your body with a finger
My favorite was writing in french, tragedies,
A silent truth an inevitable one.

One my Father had told me previously on the back of a napkin
But you didn't know about the beauty of the patterns on your shoulders
Or the secrets hidden amidst your chest

Instead you fell silently into a subconscious bliss
Unconcerned about the predictions that covered your sleeping self
They sunk,
Deep,
Into your skin.

And you didn't care.

Nostalgia

AR Jun 2013

Nostalgia

I met a boy once
Who told me he was lonely
So I kept him safe from harm
He was broken lacked emotion
And made my world fall apart
The only solution was to loosen
The bond that we shared
We don't speak but its hard to keep
My emotions for him unaware.

*- A.R

Old friend

AR Aug 2013

Old friend

Used and abused
Drugs and *****
The story of her life
She sits at home
All alone but takes it in her strife

No one to listen to her no one to hear her cries
Depression starts building up inside more of her dies

Her mind dissolving
Her memories fade more as each day pass
So she takes the knife and does the deed
She releases her agony, alas.

Old you

AR Aug 2013

Old you

They say if you stare at the moon someone somewhere is staring up too
Tonight the moon was as clear as can be so I reminisced silently of a past memory
The nights we'd spend in your bedroom the morning always came to soon
How the moonlight hit your lit cigarette the way your eyes grew sad ill never forget
Live by the sun but love by the moon a friendship that deceased far too soon.