AprilDawn: Poems

Pansies

AprilDawn Apr 2014

Pansies

make a great pillow
for
tired dog butts.

An observation of the past two dogs I owned. If there was patch of pansies , they would plunk down right on them !

#botanicalseating

Pantry Inventory

AprilDawn May 2014

Pantry Inventory

No more pickled
beets
miracle whip
smoked oysters
squeeze cheese
needed
he’s not here
to
eat it.

Written in 2005.These were foods only he loved....

#starktruth

Passenger

AprilDawn Apr 2014

Passenger

Grief rides with me
wherever I go,
whether I walk
around the house
in my jammies,
read a poem
to a group
of strangers,
or watch a flower bud
burst open-
each breath knows
what use to be
will not come back.

Written in 2006.Raw moments while still processing my loss.

#griefwork

Paw Print

AprilDawn Dec 2014

Paw Print

Her life
flashes through my mind
the love clings
to  my heart
goodbye
minutes away
release
relief
regret
all tangible
grief soaked lines
savage my face
for a hound  girl who's
stubborn  grace
leaves this world today

Had to release my grand pup of 13 1/2 years to the rainbow bridge today.Couldn't afford to bury her or single cremation, only a cast of her paw print.Only pictures and loving memories are left .

#sophiesfarewell

Peep Show

AprilDawn Oct 2014

Peep Show

not yet in full swing
just the odd tease
of
orange golden streaked
limbs
a seductive wrist flick toss
of ground leaves
among the mostly green grass
the peak
peeking slyly
from still bulging trees
not ready
for the full Monty
yet.

Looking out my front door the past few days , and noticing the beginning of the leaves turning.At this time a slow unfolding , like a strip tease.

#stripleaves

Perishable

AprilDawn May 2014

Perishable

Nothing
visibly stamped
on my body
“Use By”
but I know
somewhere in the ether
a time is prescribed
I’m not a carton
of sour cream
that’s true
I am in danger
of disappearing
as are you.

Mortality musings in 2006 .

#death

Petal Pushers

AprilDawn Apr 2014

Petal Pushers

Spring
into
this half life
I've dug
and drug
myself through
sweet sunshine
Finally
infuses hope
into
these stone
cold
bones

Spring in Massachusetts ...this one is about the tulips all around the front of our rental home.

#flowers

Pink Flamingo

AprilDawn Apr 2014

Pink Flamingo

Secret wish

stands hidden
in
cliché riddled
green patch
this neon bird

mocks

red capped
garden dwellers

serenely seated
bookish girl

half-dead fern

leans towards
hot pink beacon

salvation bent

crescent moon
casts
feathery palm shadows
with curved arms
against the
bamboo fence

lifting
earthbound desires

skyward.

My desire for a kitschy pink flamingo was strong in my garden we kept in Houston burbs so many years ago. I never got one for it .

#yearning

Plum Picking

AprilDawn Nov 2016

Plum Picking

afternoon
under heavy laden
branches
ladders kept steady
with loving hands
watchful eyes
on
little helpers
filling baskets
with only the ripest
of fruits
too sour for nibbling
just perfect
for jelly jars
and visions
of sugar plums
spread on fresh baked bread

A humid summer day endeavor in 2008 , with a gentleman who passed away in July 2015.One of the ways I like to keep memories alive .
Written July 2016

#homeadejamdaze

Polar Vortex

AprilDawn Feb 2015

Polar Vortex

flexes
a choke hold
on our icy  slice
of the world
tonight's
  snowstorm
still a dicey
proposition
at least
some evenings
will be  wrapped in
rose colored glasses
as the sun passes
the horizon

this weather we are having....

#vernalequinoxorbust

Potzberg Park

AprilDawn May 2014

Potzberg Park

Chickens
clucking
white
feathered
pantaloons
Cute
I don't want to eat you
cute chickens
in crisp pantaloons
Not hungry
Drumsticks
Wings
Two ******* please
Cole slaw
Biscuits and honey
Mashed potatoes and gravy
Confused
I don't want to eat you
Chickens
clucking
white
feathered
pantaloons
Cute
I don't want to eat you
Popeyes,Lee’s, KFC-
Are your chickens this pretty?

An animal petting zoo/park we visited back in the day when our daughter was younger and a lifetime of fried chicken dinners .Those were such pretty chickens.Yes, I did say that .

#sadcarnivore

Press

AprilDawn Jul 2017

Press

ever so
gently
don’t want to bruise
sweet giving
flesh
suggestive satisfaction
hangs between
my patience
and fingertips
that tactful test
on well ripened
curves

Peach time ! Blink and you'll miss the window between hard as a rock and ripe for devouring !

#peachharvest

Pretty Much

AprilDawn Jun 2015

Pretty Much

history
almost every one
shredded
dried up and dead
just  that
one last
stubborn flower
dares those ***** gusts
of late spring
showers
to shake
it down
a gamble  lost
in the flicker
of a storm
cloud

goodbye catalpa tree blossoms ,your sweet reign over the back yard is over for this year.Here is hoping I get to experience you again next spring

#solongsweetcatalpa

Propel

AprilDawn May 2014

Propel

forward
I have to feel
  this moment
as it throbs  with life
cannot  take
a step or two back
without colliding
full throttle
into  a sad void
of hazy days gone by.

Written in 06 or 07 , finished today.Grabbing my future with two hands after tragedy , was something I had to force myself to do.Try not to live in yesterday.Appreciate the present and future , because I can.Not everyone has this luxury to be alive ....

#livethemoments

Pumpkins and Palm Trees

AprilDawn Sep 2014

Pumpkins and Palm Trees

Our solar lamps
plead for more sunshine
as they die
in the middle of dinner
every night
even  in this  stark Texas
  late afternoon light
        all the while
I can still
get a beastly burn
the faintest suggestion
of Fall
wafts through
the chilled
grocery store air
        rife
with frothy pumpkin lattes
maybe if I stare long enough
at the neighbor’s
front porch
loaded with  gaudy gourds
I can almost
trick myself
into feeling
crisp.

My years in Houston , 2002-2006 and the fake feeling of traditional northern Fall with that weird dichotomy of pumpkins and palms in still hot weather.Finished poem today.

#fauxfall

Quandary

AprilDawn Feb 2017

Quandary

Not winter
Not spring
just a crazy weather thing
Daffodils already playing
show and tell
early pollen
makes my eyes swell
riddles still a plenty
will next month
bring
some sneaky snow
in its wake
seems only the heavens
know
for goodness sake

Weird weather winter this year

#freakyfronts

Quell

AprilDawn Mar 2015

Quell

my aching mind
races
through the places
I have
lived
from young  girl
new wife
baby in life
am I doing this right
these question  burned holes in my
head
early widow
murdered mate
fear and loss
stomped me like a
a buffalo
start a  chapter anew
didn't know what to do
just keep head up
look for the light
somehow it will be alright
another partner
from school bus days
makes his way into
my heart
more love
scary accident
crushes my body
just for awhile
daughter marries
changes change again
sometimes
at night
the pretty lights
keep me
Awake

A sleepless night's ramblings

#tiredbrainscramblings

Questions

AprilDawn Apr 2014

Questions

if you
could
turn back
the chapters
would our stories
still collide
the same decisions
printed
across
sharp edged pages

Fueled by guilt in the months after my husband's unexpected death , I kept torturing myself with what if scenarios .
written 2005

#turnbacktime

Quota

AprilDawn Apr 2014

Quota

Scrambled  up
this  muddy hill
for just a peek
at that sweet   horizon
try to convince myself
that today’s the beginning
of something really  good
I didn’t use it all
  up yet .

Searching for good times again.

#pondering

Rainy Day Verses

AprilDawn Apr 2014

Rainy Day Verses

1.Downpour

Rain submerges
every patch of back yard
greedy drains divert
suburban rivers towards
concrete paths
barely skirting
pool and pond
another layer of paint
washes off stunned gnomes.

2. A Mini Vacation

from the blazing sun
allows the chaste tree
to push out it’s long overdue
blooms with a view.

3. Cloud Cover

Gray drizzles through my day
letting only the flowers
lap up
hidden sunshine.

Texas 2006 .It always rained in torrents there I swear !

#minirivers

Ravenous

AprilDawn Jan 2015

Ravenous

lanky lovelies
strut their stuff
on the runway
the latest  fashions
wrapped around
those  hungry bones
stalking  the lime light
vividly visible
to any and all
who's  fleeting favor
is  enough
for starving
  souls  to feast

was going for the winter trees starving for leaves but somehow fashion model poetry came out !

#lookatme

Rays

AprilDawn May 2014

Rays

beaming all over
some other girl
what’s she got
that I don’t
you sneaky cheat
no matter how hard
you try to keep those golden fingers
just above those  lazy low flung
gray clouds
you can’t keep  hiding
from me
c’mon back
pretty please
don’t make me beg
for just  a few spare
minutes  of your  time
in  space.

That fickle sun.Some days cheating on me by spilling some beams on someone else !

#shineonme

Reach

AprilDawn Jan 2015

Reach

for the sky
limbs  held high
swirling  sunset
draped like a  cape
  about  rigid shoulders
finally
that   velveteen  night
sprinkled  with  ghost stars
hides your  frozen frame
for a few tame
hours
until  the haze
of morning
streaked
with  a tiny   tease
of  sunlight
highlights
your barren offering
Spring  seems so
far away
you stand firm
against
the naked elements
drawing
graceful patience
from
age old roots
in the slumbering soil
raising hopes
sky high
for an early
vernal equinox

Jan 24,2015 I do so love the easy elegance of leafless trees at late fall and winter as they highlight the coldest of seasons . The anticipation of spring is always joyous.

#bareeleganceofnakedtrees

Refill

AprilDawn May 2014

Refill

Love’s
last taste
drained from my every cell
time to recharge the batteries
It seems

2007, starting to need a cuppa something more sustaining than cable tv romance movies..

#fillmeup

Regret

AprilDawn Jun 2017

Regret

the ice coffee
I snuck in
late  this afternoon
red wine
I drank
with a robust
spaghetti sauce
not until
it was time to sleep
my eyes regretted
not being able to close
mind riddled and running wild
with unlaid plans
fanciful schemes
memories mostly hidden
from daylight
revelations leap
out from the dark
shadows
with every toss and turn
grudges
lain bare
with my uncovered legs
my only hope of absolution
remains in the desperate hope
to exhaustedly
dissolve  into dreamscapes
where regrets are simply keys
to opening
doorways
to subconscious delusions
that  make
some sort of sense
there
because
you tell them to

I keep forgetting I can't do coffee after 5:30 pm or red wine past 9 pm...

#latenightramblings #lightweightdrinker

Relish the View

AprilDawn Oct 2014

Relish the View

as
another  spent leaf
pirouettes
to the ground,
the bare  elegance
of frozen limbs
is  not very
far away  .

As much as I love northern Fall weather, winter's icy clutches are just around the corner ...something never far away in my thoughts.

#cautionarytale

Repeat Offender

AprilDawn Sep 2015

Repeat Offender

Autumn
     arrives
on waves of
sheer exhilaration
for those summer
  worn  bodies
hungry for  horizons
enveloped in
  colorful palettes
fall is courted
with the best
of intentions
a clearly
moody lover
   who year after year
whispers goodbye
in piles of leaves
         among rapidly
vanishing  vistas

We were all counting down to Fall it seems this year , and honestly the beautiful part of the season rushes by way too fast before barren landscapes and cold remain for what seems like months on end ...

#fallishere #welcomebackfall

Rest in Peace

AprilDawn May 2014

Rest in Peace

Dare I inhale
Too deeply
Lest it’s
Thrown away
No explanation
Needed
My essence
Diluted by
Fury’s swift
Releasing
Freedom
To haunt hearts
Imprisoned
By
Sorrow's
Jagged
Edges

Written 2004 or 05 ,one of the early poems for my Tom.Gone too young .

#goodbye

Revelation

AprilDawn Sep 2015

Revelation

fireflies dance
along the edge
of summer's last hurrah
as cooler air
deliciously descends
over
this small town night
daytime still etched by
the sweltering sun
in a ridiculously blue sky
relieved eyes spy
tender mercies
finally foretold
in the subtle turning
of random leaves
along the road

the air apparently is about to change

#fall #weatherforecast #waitingfor

Roll

AprilDawn Mar 2015

Roll

down my
bamboo bedroom shade
a little crooked
as always
straighten it out
with a frustrated sigh
shut out those
stark street lights
prying stray cat eyes
noisy birds
nutty squirrels
wrestle the sheets
then
roll into
spoon
my honey

Our night time ritual to a "t"

#sweetroll

Royal Pain

AprilDawn May 2014

Royal Pain

Riding lawn mower
**** trimmers
sit idly in the repair shop
again
this Spring
while sweet sunshine
soaks in the leaky skies
crazy growing grass
tall enough
for our  Lily cat
to  reprise her
daily
king of the jungle
role
wearing
a dandelion crown.

I swear the lawn equipment needs in the shop every time the grass begins to grow again ! May 2014

#springtimewoes

Sad Cookie

AprilDawn Apr 2014

Sad Cookie

Soggy sorrow's
bittersweet bite
nibbles my spirit
ever so slightly
a nip here
a nip there
crumbled
I remain
upon
dry lips

This poem is actually a dramatization of our hound's quest to retrieve a soggy oatmeal raisin cookie out of our outdoor in ground hot tub in Texas one warm March evening .We were hot tubbing and snacking on sandwiches and cookies , and being careful that she didn't get any of the food .When she decided to jump into the hot tub with my daughter holding the cookie. Rescue efforts ensued as she scratched and clawed to not drown . We got her out of the hot tub unscathed and soaking wet, but we also had to put down the cookie. She got out of the tub and swooped up that last soaked crumb we had set aside to rescue her !

#sillyhoundescapades

Saturday, 7:30 PM

AprilDawn Apr 2014

Saturday, 7:30 PM

Half-moon pops out of cadet blue sky's pocket
no stars yet tonight

Neighbor's worn white chimney
looms above
six foot cedar fence
laden with returning fuchsia Bougainvilleas

Overgrown Bird of Paradise stretches
wind slashed leaves
in desperate hopes of letting
light into its heart

Mosaic stepping stones
mark a vivid trail
to so many plants
whose names I do not know
that continue to bloom and grow

Caribbean blue metal lizard scampers
across garage wall
as nearby pensive garden goddess
gently cradles dead blossoms
in cupped palms

A lone Blue Jay glides over
the pollen dressed
pool surface
toward willowy flowers
in terracotta pots
that are busy sending
fragrant messages
to my patch of suburban serenity.

This one got published in my college literary magazine in early 2006.I miss this garden in the burbs of Houston. Like I knew I would.

#nostagalia

Scattered Blossoms

AprilDawn Jun 2014

Scattered Blossoms

as though a small town
beauty pageant winner
paraded through
local roads
tossing sweet petals
like fist-fulls of  candy
from her seat perched high above
this fragrant litter
purged  in layers
as the Catalpa tree
with its divinely
designed
heart-shaped leaves
plainly remains
      an organic shade
for the neighbor's
ratty shed

.

This is a poem I began to write 7 years ago in Massachusetts ! I realized this tree also existed in my neighbor's back yard where I live now about 2 years ago , a truly delightful discovery.The shape of this tree was different and that had thrown me, in identifying it.One day my nose was clear enough to smell the flowers on the stepping stones on my way to the car and the fragrance catapulted me back to that big tree in New England.

#fragrantlitter

Screen Door

AprilDawn Jun 2016

Screen Door

a feeble shield
against
hot winds
slamming
into my face
let the dog out
let the dog in
caught a glimpse
of the scorched lawn
beat a hasty retreat
back into our
air conditioned
bliss
silent prayer on the lips
for not too many more
days like
this

#hotoutthere #summerscorcher

Scribbles

AprilDawn Jun 2014

Scribbles

on  old note pads
filled with
solemnly recited
ancient facts,
every official phone call
leading nowhere
the   penetrating
conclusion remains
the same
death came
calling for him
that afternoon,
he answered
     yet
so far
no one else
        has

My husband's ****** case changed governmental agency hands again , and every call leads to the same unsolved place.

#frustatration

Send Out the Search Party

AprilDawn May 2014

Send Out the Search Party

This morn
freshly purchased
provisions
called my name
Cravings
swiftly soured
as all hands
came up empty
multiple theories
Extrapolate
the likelihood
that they
didn’t walk away
Alone

Sharing a fridge can be a tricky proposition.Family or not !

#purloinedtreats

September

AprilDawn Sep 2014

September

is already  here
that cusp month
between summer  and fall
not wishing those  last fireflies
good bye
turning of  leaves
   on countdown
palpable desires
for  apple cider
and pumpkin pies
starting to rise
welcoming  crisp air
autumn festivals
like a  long lost love
before  winter
claws at the door
it's cold grasp
mere   months  away
until then
September  weaves
a   transitional
spell
across  landscapes
summer's last gasps
sputters
          through
growing lawns
laced with biting bugs
until
mama nature
finally  decides
to toss
  those crunchy colorful
leaf rugs
***** nilly
all about
the countryside.

written today Sept 1,2014 -love September...the cooler side of summer for the most part and glorious fall is just around the corner.

#sweetseptember

Sharp edges

AprilDawn Apr 2014

Sharp edges

of melancholy
ride roughshod
over hastily mended bridges

The early grief stages .

#grievinghard

Shell Shocked

AprilDawn Sep 2014

Shell Shocked

I haven't seen a sandy beach
for over a decade
suddenly
she graced our  back door
with a plain cardboard  box in hand
brimming with   beach  strewn beauties
after hearing a stray comment
made at a family dinner
she held a few months ago
these stunners  are
destined for a future  flower bed
and jewelry to adorn my neck
my mind swimming
with possibilities
such  a  simple box
of  treasures
felt like  gold from foreign lands
cradled in my surprised arms
while pieces of Florida
smiled up at me

My fiance's 89 yr old grandmother showed up at the back door the other day with a beautiful box of cleaned seashells from all her years winter vacationing in Florida . She had remembered a comment I had made about how much I love sea shells at a supper she held a few months back.I was delightfully surprised by this random and kind gift.

#randomactofkindnessrock

Shine

AprilDawn Mar 2015

Shine

on
this ramble scramble
hillside
aka
as our front yard
fill it full of
Kentucky wild onions
strewn through
grass buds
and funky mushrooms
snow’s all gone
puddles dry
for now
freckle me up
pretty please
infuse
some
serious sunshine
into this
winter wearied
brow

Today, a stark contrast to 22 inches of snow last Thursday.Sweet sunshine

#therewherethewidlonionsgrow

Shoulders High

AprilDawn Sep 14

Shoulders High

above the fray
is always  something
I'd  try to say
mine are so  slight
padding them
  back in the day
always  helped
the mirage  of  broadness
even though the load
was so little
then
in a  blur
life  was stacked
  and packed
so high and wide
now my shoulders
ache at night
held any which way
above the fray

Aging up is a blessing and a curse

#stackedandpacked

Shreds

AprilDawn Apr 2014

Shreds

no longer relevant
noisily devoured
by a gaping hole
stuffed to capacity
then shoveled
into a bin
marked for permanent exile
an anonymous
paper trail
that use to lead
to my life.

Getting ready to move ( which I did several times after my hubby died ) , and the busy work of saying good bye to things I didn't need to hold onto anymore fed through the paper shredder.

#scraps

Sky Aflame

AprilDawn Apr 2014

Sky Aflame

this day’s furor
is sinking fast
another day
waits in the wings
without
you in it.

The stark truth of his absence in our lives. Written 2006.

#gone

Sleep Hides

AprilDawn Apr 2014

Sleep Hides

from me tonight
mind  riddled
with thoughts run amuck
thunder claps punctuate
my well worn worries
while rain pelts
strong  enough
for gushy Spring grass
  fills  ditches
spilling  over
  with purple wildflowers.

April 28,2014
Had a sleepless night last night( which is still a fairly rare occurrence for me ) , when I jotted this down at 3 AM.

#wideeyedgal

Sleuth

AprilDawn Apr 2014

Sleuth

I use to read mysteries
with such  glee
Nancy Drew always
found the clues
whodunits
wrapped up
in x amount of pages
with wailing police sirens
hauling
some miscreant off
just before that  last page is turned
whereas my story’s end
is still
Nowhere
in plain sight.

My story is real life.

#needsherlockholmes

Smashed Taters

AprilDawn May 2014

Smashed Taters

boiled
naked

South American tuber

whipped into a frenzy

dairy alterations

makes
a creamy smothered

tongue

dressed in a
silken coat of
carbohydrate glory.

Ah the making of that glorious comfort and Sunday or holiday staple food ...

#mashedup

Snapped

AprilDawn Jul 2017

Snapped

raw
green beans
this past afternoon
brought back
my Oma
full white apron on
in  the kitchen
one summer
in Germany
decades ago
window wide open
to the garden
sitting at the table
busily breaking them up
together
for her delicious vegetable soup
I'm  helping ,I'm helping
I said as  they broke
in my little fingers
her soup
a mere  memory
as she  stopped making it
   a lifetime ago

Oma was my German grandmother who I visited every summer growing up in the 70's , no matter where we were stationed ( My Dad was in the military ) we always visited her at least once a year .She died in 1982.

#ohsnapmemories

Snow Globe

AprilDawn Nov 2014

Snow Globe

town
all shook up
only way
to sparkle today
in this gray haze
flurry flurry
what's your hurry
winter will to trap us
in a hot cocoa
cup
soon enough

It's still Fall ...but it was snowing yesterday. I felt like I was in a snow globe !

#firstflurries

Soft moments

AprilDawn Apr 2014

Soft moments

flood into
this solid construct
I have built
brick by brick
to make everyday
survivable
another edge crumbles
when whisked off
by granules
of salt soaked regrets.

Brick house , trying to be mighty mighty in the face of sorrow's continuous onslaught . Written in 2007.

#safeashouses