I have to let him go
and accept his loss
My loss
of what could have been
But would never have

I cannot
I will not
I should not take his life in my responsibility
For it is not for me
to heal

It wasn’t my decision
to tear him apart
He did that good enough for both of us

I am raging
at the thought of him
building himself a home inside of me
Despite my protests
despite me not wanting
his
homelessness
on my conscience

How can I be so lost
within myself
that I don’t even understand
what my own heart is trying to say
to me
Because my mind,
The only thing I can control,
Keeps screaming
(just like I screamed when I tried to let myself go)

If I could connect my mind with my heart
Maybe I’d be whole
and stable

His words still lives within me
and I let them out,
sometimes when I’m not even aware of it
When I make you say something
and it has him all over it

And your innocent eyes brings equal pain
as the words does