Hi, to the girl in the mirror
surrounded by whispered thoughts that she cant bare to let near her
After 365 days born bare to 'its going to be okays'
Ive found myself here
Writing lines of listness sentiments
Conjured by nothing more than the kind of days that just
Push you forward
Look back and acknowledge the wars that have hit
The first words i ever truly spoke were written in verse that intend to awaken the feelings, intense and resided in the deepest pits my heart prefers to just hide behind
And i spoke
"Whose to prune whats wrecked by june a stable mental health",
Sequenced by the conscientious tribute to the idea that no one gives a **** till we are too far gone

And i acknowledged earlier that we check up on one another by means of regarding our emotional well being
But turning that depth into a casual convening is as degrading as conveying thoughts of have a good day in simile to i hope youre okay
But we all still turn a cold shoulder when individuals confess that theres more to their thoughts like ideals and sick plots

Revolving around means to an end...
Meaning to end, whatever means that it takes to mend the loose thread that threatens to unravel our minds
Ends that means the meaning will suspend and life will carry on as it was meant to be drawn with out the sick pictures and sadistic gunctures pinched in mental health

So last week i confessed that i dislike being asked how im feeling.
Its hard when it feels like my thoughts are worth hearing but theres scarcely a stage set to display the things in my mind
Its just a hello and good by
Never a look you like you cried
Is there something inside that youd like to get out
Via a hug or a shout
throw **** down and surround yourself in the darkest of spirals
The hands reached are set higher than you can step towards in your mind
The pain aches from your thighs
Dear god can u listen
Step mom,  dad turn to my glistening eyes

Yes id love to listen
Switch paths and condition yourself to adjust that deep yearning
The thoughts, feelings meant to keep earning the right to be listened to
Ill listen to you and pour my heart out
Gut my emotions like its light out and ive got nothing to lose
Nothing was dark in june
Or july
Or august to december
Theres nothing in my thoughts that could ever drag me below the ground

So open up to me now.
I love you, sweetheart of course its okay.

And another day
More words are spoken
ive taken 2 seconds to confess my thoughts to you and no i wont re write or re read this.
Im not gonna edit or adjust speed to this
Authentic expression of thoughts that i dont let get out very often its just
The path that has brought me to this is a sweet cocktail of fuckery that lays waste to my mind
But in the case that it resides with you i thought id reach out with a hymme or two a few stanzas of thoughts that run rampid in my mind

Consider yourself aquainted, with a portion of me.
A fraction of the depth i wish will succeed me
A successor to the results that the pressure ive endured has sent to me
I lay now and recite to you these words
Forget that youve ever heard it
Don't yearn for it just lie down
Rest your head and let me kiss your crown and your temples

If youve listened this far i want to wish that those wrinkles set above your eyes will fade ever softer because listen to these lines

I know you aren't always okay;
I am proud of you;
I can tell that youre trying very hard;
I appreciate you;
You are precious and deserve the rest that seems to just slip from your grip and flow straight down the sink grate that holds gate to your mind
Trickle down spine to your heart
So let me fill you up with the kind words that youre starving of

I know i cant compensate for everything that has past
Just as i know these poems are worth nothing more than the past few minutes ive spent writing them
So good night to me then
The girl in the mirror

i found u in the white of my fears
it was the feeling of being floating at the heart of nightly skies,
where u, sparkling star, followed me,
not realizing that we'd be immortalized

as much as i could get away,
a dark hole took us a way to the other galaxy

a world alone,
where the rain fills the craters of your face
i flood myself into fright,
when the creek gave me back and asked me to hold you

the feeling has become an addiction,
a secret language
the awkwardness made building,
a concrete denial

without aim to define
i arrest u
i arrest me
at an endless moment

It seems I am running out of ways to articulate this aching feeling.
As if a thief in the night took a knife,
and stole a part of my heart.
One half beats and it waits,
for the other to reciprocate with a resounding thump. 
But I'm surrounded by the deafening sound of silence.

There is no way to avoid the inevitable.
The overwhelming sense of darkness,
it looms around me.
Like the fog obscures the tips of the trees,
I try to conceal my sadness.

I look in the mirror and I paint on a smile.
My best mask,
for the day ahead.
Maybe with time I'll convince myself,
that I can live without you. 

I wish I could go back.
Fix this mess,
but I cannot.
The stark reality,
that my heart has to beat without its counterpart.
No longer melodic in rhythm and rhyme.
It beats out of synchronicity.

Sturdy
cardstock
with glitter and a gauzy
image on the front

and no metaphors
to describe the feelings inside
only words

plain heartfelt words

read
and spoken
over
and over again

whit howland © 2021

I got better for you, and I did all that I could
You deserve that and you always have
I couldn't tell you to your face and cry right where you stood
I could only hear your word cut away, the room went flat

There were so many promises I couldn’t keep
Maybe you’ll never trust me again
I’ll remember our car rides and getting cold feet
And trying to make you understand

I know I’ll never stop thinking about you
I know these thoughts will smother me
And I'll feel guilty, and I'll miss you
Maybe we don’t deserve each other
Maybe I do deserve me

Moving on will be a crime on either side
Accepting ourselves, imagine how hard
And we’ll both feel like we’re justified
And we both are