another crush
on another stupid boy
that i've hardly ever spoken to.

from how things have gone before,
i'll probably never pursue it.
but, oh goodness,
he's rad
and way too good for me.

I'm so tired of relapsing
into things I should have been done with
years ago.
Maybe this'll be the last;
I'll give up
on the notion of recovery
for good
and just let this finally
**** me.

It's not you
    I promise
What I say is true
      He never deserved
           You

     It's not your fault
           I know for a fact
      Trust me
             You are better
          Than a boy like that

It's for the best
       Please,
    Believe me
          He'll do it to the next girl
       And the next
            And next
      You'll find your one
          In this world

        It's time to breathe
             Have faith in what
          I'm saying to you
      This might just be
                Poetry
          But I was cheated on too

It's time to believe
      You're worth more than
   You can see
           No more tears, please
      He's not worth your pain
             You're gorgeous
       And you're NOT to blame

     It's for the best,
              It's not you
          Please,
    Just Breathe.
          Believe me,
  Cause I've made it through.
         I know,
      What I say is true.
             Cause
         **I was cheated on too.

You were the catalyst
for this relapse.

On one hand,
I can't stand you.
I want to set your stuff on fire
and scream-
oh god, I want to scream-
until you feel
what I feel.

On the other,
If I hated you that much,
I wouldn't be trying
this ******* hard
to fill the gap that you left.

Did you know
That I'd like a chance
Because scary as it sounds
I already love you
Did you know that?

the only time
that I don't have
nightmares
is when I sleep
next to you.
my dark circles
now almost look
fake.
I've been too scared
to sleep
for weeks now.
caffeine
can't comfort me
like you do.

I promised myself
that I'd never write a poem
about you.

But you stabbed me
in the back;
I just apologized for
getting blood on you.

Breaks aren't permanent, right?
There's still an us, right?

I looked at the pictures in your snap story,
the ones with your arms around that girl,
on a continuous loop
for the 24 hours they were available.

I know what that look
that was in your eyes means.
I've seen it a million times.
Does what I know you did
count as cheating
if it's during a break?

You said you needed time.
Yet, I so desperately
want to speak you.
I'll apologize again,
who knows what for.

Call me "***" again
and make me smile
because it feels like those muscles
aren't working
on my own.

We can't fix anything
without talking.
Oh god, come online
and speak to me.

I can't remove the knife
by myself.
At least take responsibility
and clean up your mess.