You are probably sick of apologies,
Because all I do is sound like a broken record saying,
Sorry.

But how much do you really care?

I am sorry for being too much,
Or not enough.
I am sorry for being skeptical,
About things and people.
People like you.

I am sorry for the times where I shouldn’t been.
For the times where you don’t want to see me,
But there I am; existing.
I am sorry for writing you epistles of poetry,
The ones that you’ll never read.
I am sorry for being guilty of being mad,
When all you did was left me with jumbled words,
Stuck in the bottom of my tummy.

Lastly,
I am sorry for my heart.
For myself–  giving something special.
Only to have it hurt and scarred.
I am sorry for loving,
Until I burst.
And remaining to be kind,
Because I don’t want them hurt.
I don’t want you hurt.
But I am sorry for giving away something you already had too much of.
I didn’t know.

Because I wasn’t full of love.

What if the Moon
was the second sun?

who couldn't be brighter,
who could not give life,

one who was devoid of love
and decided eventually to float alone

only to attract the oceans
and see the people
sigh over love
like himself
for eternity

"Love is in the air"

That's probably why I'm suffocating.

I'll have no use
for empty rooms
or houses devoid of life

I'll close the door
shake the lock some more
So ends this book
on wife

I'll start over again
just like before
with pennies
for my thoughts

Our love once steel
has turned cast iron at will
and wrought
it's core so full of flaws

It's okay ,
what is there to say
Except that I'll
be moving on

I miss the simplicity of a shared blanket, the intimacy of a shared pillow.
Moments of pure connection passed in dreams punctuated by waking, seeing you there and once again holding you close, but never close enough.
I miss your touch, the sound of your voice, the sight of your words.
I miss so many things about you its hard to explain that you're still here.
Not metaphorically but actually.
Is this how it ends?
Is this how we know its not going to work anymore?
Two people inches apart but a thousand miles away from each other?
I used to be able to tell the very moment you fell asleep, we were that in tune with one another.
Now I don't even know what time you wake up.
Before, before every change in your breathing would be enough to wake me. Not wake me to the point of consciousness but enough that I would be aware if it stayed changed or went back to normal.
Normal.
That's something that seems a long way off now.
I don't know if we'll ever see normal again and sometimes, just sometimes I'm not even sure I want to.
But then other times I feel like I would give anything to go back to normal, back to normal with you.
Normal.
Maybe for me, this is normal?
Who the **** knows anymore?
I'm just so tired.