I think I was only ever in love
With the thought of you.
I fall in love with many thoughts.
Thoughts of creating,
Thoughts of death and immortality,
Thoughts of hell
And dangerous mystery men.
Yet I remind myself to separate it:
Wants and Thoughts,
Thoughts and Wants.
They are not one in the same.
I like to think that I did not forget
To pick apart this time.
That I did not confuse you
As a thought but not a want
Or a want but not a thought.
I had hoped I got it right.
But this morning I woke up
And realized
I don't want to be your baby anymore.

I'm jealous of the person I am when I am with you.

You tell me that you love me.
And I believe you.
But you only love me
As much as you have to.
You only love me
As much as is expected of you.

Sometimes I am jealous
Of my own love for you.
I wonder what it must be like
To be loved that much.
To have someone willing
To not only die for you
But to live for you.

I wish I could love you less.
I wish our love could be equal.
But instead your lack of love for me
Is matched by my undying love for you.
There is no balance between us,
Only one parched and dry
And the other overflowing with love.

All I want
Is to be with you forever
But I know
My commitment skills
Are filthy and nearly nonexistent.
Not that I would ever
Be unfaithful to you
With another man--
That you never need to fear--
But I know
There will be days
When you feel more alone
Than before you were with me,
Because in being consumed
By the need to make art,
I will forget you exist.
There will be days
When I wake up
With nothing on my mind
But words and paint,
Leaving you in bed
Only to roll over and find sheets
Where your mate promised to be
Every morning.
There will be days,
When you spy me
With ink and paint on my fingers
And distracted by my own hands,
And the hope that they will make,
I will forget
To touch your own.
There will be days
When you experience
The coldest loneliness,
While I destroy the house,
Trying to shake myself
Of creative drought.
With me,
You will know true loneliness,
And how it does not come
From an empty house,
But from the distance you feel
From the person
Who vowed to love you the most.

And for this, I say goodbye.

I'm not asking for your word,
And you don't need to fear commitment,
Because I do not ask for that either.
You can use me all you like--
I promise I can be
Just like a little doll.
I ask for no promises before,
No duties after,
And everything in between
Is all on your terms.
All I ask,
Is that you hold me
For just a few minutes after.
Hold me as if I were yours.
Because sometimes it's nice to pretend.

I loved you
Beyond our fleshly passions.
But it only took a second,
When I looked away
For me to lose you
In the sun.