The darkness is still but moving swiftly
The light mist of spring
The echos of night different for all
Whispers of wizzing traffic off 8 mile
Birds, night bugs and howling winds from the north.
Night secrets cuddle sleep relax drewn

When I lived in Korea there was a woman named "Joanne"
Who kinda looked like a man. Her face painted like all of the colors of the wind. Her hair always damp with gel to tame her curly locks of hell.
As my boss, she made me crazy. Calling me a lier or evil when ever she could made me hate her like I never thought I would.
I bought her a plant well, I gave  her a plant that was left with me. I'm sure she threw it away when I left the country and didn't say goodbye
But why would I to someone who made me cry
So this is an ole to stupid, **** face Joanne who looks like a man without a plan who made my life hell when I had no one tell
It's hard to fight a battle when you dont speak the lanaguge
Shes lucky I didn't or who know what would have happened to the woman who told me the Korea way, where she twisted my words and made my shoulders tence the crazy ****
Drink your tequila and have a ball
Because ill never see your ugly face again, and think about how you ****** half of my friends
I think about you often, of how you could do what you did and teach little kids
I hope I never meet someone to her caliber and if I do I'll get some dirt and put it in a pie and cross my fingers she"ll roll over  and no, not die you ****, because that would put me on her ****** up level when I'd rather take a pen and write down my inner thoughts she'll never read... She was a fake a phony she smelled like a stale Korea whale.
I don't even care if this poem isn't any good I've been holding that in for so long and it made me laugh to no end. Stupid lady named Joanne.

All I ever wanted was him.
All I ever wanted was to travel
All I ever wanted was to be inlove
All I ever wanted was one good friend
All I ever wanted I never have in the end.
All I want is sleep.
All I want is a place to be welcome
A place free of questions
Free of fights
All I ever wanted was one chance to do better
Better than yesterday
And I sit alone
Still wanting
Thinking about my life
I'm sleeping in the car.
I'm done.
I try
I don't know what to do.

Children are annoying
Except when they're laughing.
Playing kick,kick amused and impressed. Kick, kick as hard as they can and the ball still goes no where.
Continuous talking just to themselves, jumping in place, watching every move.
The scream I honestly don't mind, I knew there'd be a time when I wouldn't look around for another can you believe this stare
Little kids let you get away with things you'd never be able
Capable
Without them around, you're tore between your everyday self and the lets play of yesterday's
I can never say no to great big eyes, full of everything I once was.

I'm writing a short on the Devil.
The lady at the library didn't bat an eye.
I woke up at three in morning, worried.
It was just a bad dream,
a nightmare.
Its curious to think how strong his voice is
coming out of me.
Maybe I'm just that gifted
or maybe there's something I don't see.
"Don't read the books if its going to frighten you"
my moms says.
"all of that is make believe"
my boyfriend says
"He is nothing but a lair, ***** and never to be trusted"
says my dad
"can't wait to read it"
says a few
i write limiting myself to where the story will go
I write on shaking that thought and opening my mind
I write on and on writing to scare myself.
Asking what If
the If i read is the question of sin
the if Stephen King taught me to use
The if that maybe...
no, it can't be.
there is nothing to fear.

Today, I am brand new.
Tomorrow, I won't be used.
I will be brand new.
I won't cry or hold my head hanging
I won't allow myself to break
I will be able to go
Take on the world
Two steps at a time
I will be brand new.
I will be better.
I have every given chance
I create.
Today, Tomorrow, The Taken Toll Tail Spins out of Control.
I can handle it.
I am brand new.

I'm taking this writing class...
I never want to revise my work.
I'm writing a novel...
Its slowly killing me
mocking me
laughing loudly in my head almost as if I'll be writing it until I'm dead
or it kills me
which isn't true at all
All I need to do is buckle down but I can't
I made a homemade ant killer
**** doesn't work.
there are ants everyone
and my older male next store neighbor forest green shorts are way too short.
gross.
Ants are still everywhere.
And, I still haven't written anything.
Go me.

Driveways long and wide meant for cars,
Driving up and down and back and forth
To and from.
Driveways cold and hard meant for basketballs,
Dribble dribble, hook shot, jump.
Driveways with him, soft and warm,
watching thick cigar smoke roll out his mouth; the lonely stars as our company.
My hair rich with the consuming linger of grey puffs my tongue licking slowing up his strong neck.
His heartbeat in my ear.
My hand behind his head.
Driveways meant for moments, meant to provide a path only to stand still.

Subtitles reading quickly
Hoping not to miss a
Eyes bouncing back and forth
Loud old lady
Two rows ahead, why didnt someone come with you?
Why are you coughing so hard?
Drink some of that water in the bottle
In your hand
Okay, cough all over it.
I missed two lines.
The movie goes on
The movie goes on
"Shoot"
The old lady shouts.
She was right.
Watching the old lady watching the movie
No one watching me.
French film.

Green duty
Two boys, talking one and thirty-five.
The smoke passes my eyes
Twisting and turning out the window.
Brown, clean and square.
Cold, damp, weeping trees outside the cold will the michigan rain on their backs.
The train creeps by slowly through town following the cloud racing pass.
Quiet whispers wondering where im at
For that fact, i am gone
Floating back.

Tired. He lets me sleep on his chest.
A beautiful little girl cried when they left,
Morning meetings.
Snacks include nuts and night time glasses of wine.
***** feet from the beach and ruly streets we walked.
Chocolate covered almonds in a plastic bag, tasted heavy and filling.
Oversized red outdoor chairs to watch the sunset.
Somersaults and cartwheels to end the night, no one watched the sunset.
Stacks of old books on top of a smelly trash can, family photo. A girl in a pink summer sundress finally captured: her name reminds unknown.
I love the sound when he turns the pages or the setting of a wine glass on a wooden table.
Picture frames of captured memories, ill never know the stories behind.
Comfy couches and chairs ill never sit in.
Silence amongst three all valued time.
I love when he finds a familiar spot on my body to lay. I think I should call home and don't.

Just the two of us left
Everyone is off to bed
Just the two of us
There aren't any words left to be said
Just the two of us, our faces sun-kissed
Just the two of us left, he grabs for my neck stealing soft kisses
He thanks me.
Just the two of us left, the evening dust slipping into night.
Just the two of us left,
Just us two.

I'm 30 hours away from home
zoom.
I'm hoping high fives can be heard around the world
pow.
I understand one word every thirteen words
geez.
My voice is so loud
boom.
There is a wall built between cutlures like it or not
woof.
149 days until I can depart and find myself back where I was
But not who I was.

I slept. I woke up early. I got ready for my day early too.
I slept in my clothes, hair done and makeup too.
I had plans for the library and to wash the car, but i did nothing
I slept
I had dreams of things ill never remember.
I had dreams of things ill never relive
I had much needed sleep ill never give.
And then i met him and went to the doctors
Where i was treated out of taste
"Did he at least make you ***?" Says my doctor
His tongue hanging out
Hes going back to teaching
His divorce on the rise
I told him nothing only moved my head thinking to myself the unprofessional words he said
When my appointment was over and it was time to go
He said if things dont work out with my fiancee
To let him know.
Today I slept and the world still went by
Looking out the car window watching the trees fly by.
Here comes the crisp of night.
Im wrapped up with my love
Protected and safe
Away from inappropriate doctors
Away from the chores I put off
Tomorrows already here
And Im rested to go
Time to sleep and forget about yesterday woes.

I guess, I don't have to lie.
I guess, I shouldn't be afraid
and not get the best of myself.
I guess, I should try to stop being my own threat.
I guess, I shouldn't be myself up
and not let things pile up around me.
Smoking cig after cig in a tiny apartment won't fit even my smallest dream.
I am brave.
Things I cannot control,
eat me alive.
I make choices that I have to face and so does he, she, her and him.
I raise, I stand, I fall.

"With tears in my eyes and love consuming my soul,
I fought for you.
In the war we met each other
To how we became one,
I fought for you.
In the days of mixed colors, a sweet warm breeze; it was picture perfect,
I fought for you.
In the twisted night, trapped willfully;  screaming silently to escape,
I fought for you.
I watched you as you held me in the soft secrets whispered we promised each other,
I fought for you.
In the dim light of morning we were lost in hopes and dreams of what could be,
I fought for you.
In the moments I thought the dim would magically turn to bright,
I fought for you.
In the moment of what could have been your last breath, I held mine and,
I fought of you.
When it was said and done, when the light crept up, I was blind; in a wild twist of only skin and bare bones, naked, shaking my head to hold your hand, blaming the boy...
I fought for us.
In parting ways, a river always flowing together we have reached the bend together parts of us will always be shared; parts of me, I would never asked to be returned.
In the dim of morning, in the dark of night, in the shadow of two.
I fight for me. "

I get to interview a well known, mainstream band
I don't have anything planned
I'm kinda nervous to sit down with these guys
At least their drug years are over and everyone seems pretty sober.
What do you ask?
What would I want to know of someone that peaked eight years ago?

When we first talked I remember his look.       He saw right through me

And that’s what he took

Smells thick, heavy like mulch beneath 

I knew then

This is Fearless hunting the lamb

And there it all began

Jump without looking into the depths

Run into his arms 

Into his story

His dream 

His land

Ocean rising and pulling from the shores
Up in the clouds, filling the air

Fueling the eye that would not spare
  
Destroyed sobs heard the silent screams of despair

And it was then he did not care.

He stood, tall and proud and I the glare
The ghost chewed eaten discarded 

Stalked, chased and charmed; capture a beauty for his arm,

Release and dangle close for treats

This lasted for months and weeks

The tune never changed

The hum jolting up right

The beast no longer hungry

As he’d been fed

Stuffed like a coward on his king like bed,
who else knew these sheets, lies, loves in lust.

Eats for two, awaiting the fight, his song loud like the ego he bore

Until I faded

A glare…No more.

Rain in Michigan is unlike any other
Yesterday, I had a conversation; Michigan was the best state out of all.
rain here falls lightly on the fresh green grass.
Soft sounds of the rain fall deliberately plopping against a clear glass window; waking up is glorious.
Michigan's lakes and rivers litter the state.
Rushing fresh cool Forrest blue water through thick Woods or beside back dirt roads.
Michigan smells clean and pure.
Drifting pungently consuming passengers to roll car windows all the way down and take a heavy breath, in.
Michigan rain lights even dreary days
As a partner or an old friend saying hello Pouring memories refreshing the earth.
Michigan was brought up in a conversation I had while going to a wedding,
Michigan was brought up when wecomed home after being absent for a year.
Michigan has brought me up
As I have watched it grow
Rainy or clear.

I haven't been here in a while
I forgot about some of the awful
I remembered most of the good
I seem to still be heart broken
I am really good at loving
Good isn't great
It may be the only weakness I have
It may be the only sad I'm truly sad
It may be the only time I find to write
It may be the last time I think to say goodnight
Goodnight for no tomorrow
I'm tired of chasing
I'm tired of begging
I'm tired of the re reads
I'm tired of being in the dark
Lucky for me
I've been here before
I've gotten up
I've kept going
I've always found anew
And it's here to prove.

November the 5th
Bloodshot and broken
Everything is lost. Steps to gain.
Set her free. A gift not wanted.
November the 5th
Bloodshot and broken
Alone and beaten
Upward to move. Unable to beg.
Unable to fake. Unable to prove.
Heart still beating, ringing in the ears.
Longing, crying, thump, thump, thump.
November the 5th.
Everything is lost. Steps to move.
Please, no. A soft wail from deep within.
Unspoken.
November the 5th.

I keep thinking I did something wrong
But I'm trying so hard.
The internal stuggle to follow my heart keeps howling at me snapping, bitting from the inside
They keep calling, a computer- to tell me my bills are past due.
Where am I suppose to get this money? I've been applying and crying. Dipping into my savings to patch up the glue.
I'm grateful for my loans, I'm looking for work, I say.
I can't go back and wait tables my education will be thrown away, I scream but its never heard:
"Congraduations with your opportunities but you do not qualify for this or that"
An empty good luck as they turn their back.
On the brink, I'm going to sink, the flood, Im drowning...consuming this fire
That's been forcing me afloat.
I want just to let go. I want to hide when I find out He can't even stand by myside.
I'm terrified. I'm worried to the point I sob. Wiping away my tears, shaking my fears.. With no one to help.
I am alone.
I'm trying so hard, I jump up at night. I push the voices out of my head that wake me up from debts and evils unsaid.
Why did I want to grown up so fast when now in my age I'm nostalgic for my past
Oh youth and promise of tomorrow.
A brave face for a little girl looking to take on the world of  green and the red
Of past dues and credit scores, the negative sign in my bank account... The whites of my eyes just red.
All my hopes and yet, I'm so sad.
at least at the end of this poem, it's not all held in, everything that's killing me, everything I'm chain smoking away. It's out and open.
It's alive in me and in you alive enough I will push through.

The beast and the fool the star of the game ready, set, pay to rid the toxic, to live without restrain.

Done, done and over the jesters eyes big and older, standing still The fool knowing the order. Clever, quiet, listening Patiently ready to wait.

The jester knew this tired game and playfully asked the beast to come down the hall, she used her magic and made him crawl,

The beast down on all fours, rolling around, his back up and face down making himself happy reciting the lyrics of the jesters sound.

The beast roared as he helped himself the jester silence watching in disbelief how selfish his lies, how deep his deceit.

The jester let the beast show her door as he thought he had won once more… The jester took a leap as she needed him to think…

1. Sweet and all fun.
2. He wanted to eat, say anything to get his treat
3. Stuffed, full and cold: tired from his chore then his anger would start to bore.

Click, click, click. One. Two. Three.

The plan fell into place, the jester watched the motion repetitive like waves of the ocean. Predictable as the morning sun.

Now the joker was ready to run. Her eyes filled with tears, The beast set the joker free as if came up with the idea all alone.

The jester was thought to be the fool, playing the games, anything to please, Her words did not matter, as she was his joke
She watched the beasts face beam full and bright to dark and hidden like a moon on a crisp October night.

She started the count down knowing the steps of what would come next and the fool clever in all of her jest.

Shocked at how easy it was to predict, the spell drifted over like the clock struck twevle the beast turned cold making sure he had the power to behold.

Repeating his roar over and over again. The jester continued to run, away so fast, grabbing everything to never look back.

She rid anything that had his mark knowing the beast never consume her space as he knew his doomed lonely fate.
She runs so far away. She did not come to play.

She came to put an end to all, letting him do. So easy to push her so far away using her rules the beast did totally play.

She runs so hard, so fast, so far. She never ever Will he used for tricks and treats for this **** boy beast has had his last feast.

its seven in the morning
no I do care
I spent the whole night watching you
bare it all, in a drunken glare
laughing and joking without a care
my red shirt separating me from you
as if I was black and you were blue
i try to uphold the law
but you make it hard
buying that power from the hotel guard
it reeks of bud
you eyes are shot
your muscle flexed
and your heart stopped
I am bleeding
waiting for you
I look right on pass
as if it were right on cue.

Snot Sniffer, I hate you.
I hate sitting nex to you.
Why do you choose to keep the snot inside of your head by sniffing it back up?
Why don't you get up and grab a tissue so, I don't have to listen to you.
I'm sick and tired of hearing you every five seconds, with your nose and your snot
Your snot and your nose.
Why can't you blow it and make yourself happy?
and better yet, relieve me from listening to you...
Its like the guy or gal that chews like a loud cow
I hate you just as much as snot sniffer.
I hate you Snot Sniffer go and marry Chews Loud and die
In your Overwhelming Abundence of Auditory ****.

Is it summer or is it spring will it rain or
Will the sun continue to kiss my long torso and petit feet?
Storms always seem to blow over in the Midwest as a dog bounces right past me, gives me a look and goes completely, merrily on his way. He doesn't seem to concerned about the weather.
Nor, should I be. I am going to stay put and ignore the neighbor. He dying to talk to me and I won't even lift my head to see the noise he makes in hope of a turn
He'll never receive the bone he is looking for, this dog on a mission his fur all and wet from a swim. His ears floppy and tail short if he comes by again and gives me a wink, I'll know the coast is clear from whatever task is complete.
  My book is in the car which isn't terribly far but to leave my seat and get on my feet seems like such a chore when the wind is blowing my hair and my green tea can cold a pack of cigs and I think I'm already gold. The book can wait, it's taking a twist Maria doesn't seemed too concerned about her lovers death but consumed by the clandestine love affairs when all the glares she thought were hers were now shared with a shoebox full of letters, cards and daring pictures along aside gift cigars.
The lake is calm I'm happy I'm here rather than the busy streets where I'm always on the go but instead I can kick back and enjoy taking it slow.

Is it summer or is it spring will it rain or
Will the sun continue to kiss my long torso and petit feet?
Storms always seem to blow over in the Midwest as a dog bounces right past me, gives me a look and goes completely, merrily on his way. He doesn't seem too concerned about the weather.
Nor, should I be. I am going to stay put and ignore the neighbor. He's dying  to talk to me and I won't even lift my head to see the noise he makes in hope of a turn
He'll never receive the bone he is looking for, this dog on a mission his fur all damp and wet from a swim. His ears floppy and tail short if he comes by again and gives me a wink, I'll know the coast is clear from whatever task is complete.
  My book is in the car which isn't terribly far but to leave my seat and get on my feet seems like such a chore when the wind is blowing my hair and my green tea can cold a pack of cigs and I think I'm already gold. The book can wait, it's taking a twist Maria doesn't seemed too concerned about her lovers death but consumed by the clandestine love affairs when all the glares she thought were hers were now shared with a shoebox full of letters, cards and daring pictures along aside gift cigars.
The lake is calm, I'm happy I'm here rather than the busy streets which take its toll, always on the go but instead I can kick back and watch the hands on my wrist tick on by if I'd like, there is no one stopping me, no one to fight. I should look for a job but maybe in the fall, asleep out in the sunshine to clear my wandering head. No sign of rain the clouds have gone. I'll just listen for the  neighbor kids to pet Lou and Ill follow his lead and be a team player to see my mission through of fetching my book.

I woke from the headlight, I reached, I confused the light.
I paid for my sins, I waited. She cried for the light.
That I could not see out of the grips of his hand, her light.
His stern hand, shook mocking me hiding the light.
I try each day to be better for her for me for the light.

At the range , my hand is cut
Im still smoking squares
I watch the smoke drift off
I wrap my lips around for another hit
I know I should quit
I know I should
Keep playing golf
I like the swift sound the club makes off the tee
My hips facing out
My bare feet in the grass
My arms heavy
My irons new
My driver ****** me as if I was glued
To the glove, slicing my swing
Three years working only with my seven and the club that breaks
When I graduated college, I didn't walk
I only received a call my name was announced
Booming over my peers
I walked to the next tee
**** university all I care about is this par three
My cousin shook my hand
"You did it"
College was nothing, drunk walks, kisses and *****, long classes, tree, rolling rock, jamming, working, best friends, exams.
Golf on the other hand is none of that
And I cant get a break.

Mouth dry no more ***
Hands shake midnight sky.
Distance high smiles cry.

All day I'm thinking about him,
Where my ******* feel like I went for a swim
I get lost in the idea of when I get home
That moment, when I sit on his lap and he throws me around
Were one of the couples who really do **** on the ground
The door slams shut behind, as he pours my glass of wine
racing to unbutton my shirt
as he pulls up my skirt
no foreplay to waste, as I feel him grow
My heart pounds weaving thru traffic
I put the key on the hook and he sees my look, too tired to ****
tomorrow, he says
and puts me to bed.

Trying to understand why thing seem so important
trying to understand the pressure raining down on me like soft leaves falling onto crisp green grass
trying to figure out why some beats stick in my head all night while they come and go and flow when
I'm least trying to hear music
I'm trying to break the glass ceiling that I didn't know was placed over my head within a matter of minutes
I'm trying to become better at taking deep breaths when I can't breathe or feel
I'm trying to get better at answering him when he says, "baby, talk to me"
most of the time, I can't say the awful things I'm thinking out loud more or less scared to say the things that I would need to lean on someone whom might not want to listen to the *******.
Its so hard to need someone
Its easy to be alone.
Its easy to be with yourself
wrapped up, lost in yourself.
I'm trying everyday to be better.
Better than yesterday better than a few minutes ago
with every giggle that's released
or
cig, i know i shouldn't smoke
Im trying to take one last puff
think more of how to say things
and to love with all of my heart
so, I don't have to try.

Today has been long. Alot of driving alot of talking and a lot more thinking.
Getting lost thinking in lost places rather than the road ahead.
Sometimes its just nice to get lost in your own head.
I need to write I need to feel.
I havent been doing any of that.
With the cold windy day. No sun
Everything is green and air is fresh, street calm.
The rush and bust of a city ringing..sweet reminders.
Of whats out there and whats ahead.

Children are annoying
Except when they're laughing.
Playing kick,kick amused and impressed. Kick, kick as hard as they can and the ball still goes no where.
Continuous taking just to themselves, jumping in place, watching every move.
The scream I honestly don't mind, I knew there'd be a time when I wouldn't look around for another can you believe this stare
Little kids let you get away with things you'd never be able
Capable
Without them around, you're tore between your everyday self and the lets play of yesterday's
I can never say no to great big eyes, full of everything I once was.

Palm Trees dancing
slices of pears
voice mail blinking
unrefined stares.
Laughs in the wind
cold sweats
finger tapping
non-compassionate glares.
drink.
sallow.
drink.
sleep.
****.
eat.
sleep.

Is it summer or is it spring will it rain or
Will the sun continue to kiss my long torso and petit feet?
Storms always seem to blow over in the Midwest as a dog bounces right past me, gives me a look and goes completely, merrily on his way. He doesn't seem to concerned about the weather.
Nor, should I be. I am going to stay put and ignore the neighbor. He's dying  to talk to me and I won't even lift my head to see the noise he makes in hope of a turn
He'll never receive the bone he is looking for, this dog on a mission his fur all and wet from a swim. His ears floppy and tail short if he comes by again and gives me a wink, I'll know the coast is clear from whatever task is complete.
  My book is in the car which isn't terribly far but to leave my seat and get on my feet seems like such a chore when the wind is blowing my hair and my green tea can cold a pack of cigs and I think I'm already gold. The book can wait, it's taking a twist Maria doesn't seemed too concerned about her lovers death but consumed by the clandestine love affairs when all the glares she thought were hers were now shared with a shoebox full of letters, cards and daring pictures along aside gift cigars.
The lake is calm I'm happy I'm here rather than the busy streets where I'm always on the go but instead I can kick back and enjoy taking it slow.

I see her crying.
I can feel her.
My heart cries out but I say nothing
thoughts whip through my head
but I stand still
"you need to learn"
"you need to go"
I did, I think.
I did, I know.

He's on 154 the fastest reader  I've ever met.
It's nice not having a bed time or being told harmless lies, I'll always miss.
People making you feel better with a simple line.
A light kiss on top of his head, I love when he grabs for me and no words are said.
158, I had to lift his thumb to see and then he asks me and I say, "a poem about you" he smiles, I take my eyes off the pages.
I know he's inlove with the thought.
162,163 watch as he moves the book.
Sometimes, I read over his shoulder just to have a look, he always lets me. He always lets me hold him.  I wrap my body to tangle with his.
I sleep better knowing he's there.
167, 168.