I see you.
I see myself in you.
I see not the facade that you set like a mask upon your pale face
or the strings tied at your wrists, pulling your arms every which way
or your pain trailing behind you like a black cloud, thunder cracking, as a smile stays
your present is my past
i know you.
Our veins are corded rubber bands that stretch from our arms,
around our backs through every checkpoint joint in our bodies,
they slingshot feelings throughout
so that not only will our brain feel the hurt but everything else too.
We are every single broken person thats searching through the rubble of their own mistakes, hands bleeding, praying for shards of their splintered heart to appear
i am therefore you are and vice versa
im aware of the struggle you go through
that unbelievability that you can swing your legs from your bed and make it through the day
i am conscious of the crippling insecurity,
the four walled prison that you built yourself
the bars, stronger than anything even superman could bend, that are made of the insults that have been muttered
I identify with the confusion with which you feel lost
you don't know who you are
when you lean your head back and subconsciously search the starry night sky for your meaning
I'm there
I am you, and you are me
in a simple merge we are one  
it has always been this way
and it always will be

"If you could erase a person and all of the memories that come with them from your mind, would you?"*
Memories of you flood into my head,
Into my lungs,
And I begin to drown.
I don't write about you often,
I don't like to remember you.
It makes me feel as if I made a mistake.
An awful, horrid mistake.
As if I stripped the beach of sand
As I washed away your name
On my lips
With alchol and watched
Your face evaporate with every
Puff of smoke.
Oh how I hate that I still love you.
Others touch me and
it only brings me back to you.
I've had better days
But the nights are the worst.
I've spent each night
Drenched
In tears and sweat
From the sweet words
You used to leave in my ears
Like flowers left on gravestones.
God I love you.
If I could erase my mind of you,
I would never
For you and I grew together
Entangled in each other.
We were one beautiful book
Bound in laughter and sleepy eyes.
But one day that book withered away,
Becoming two completely separate
Novellas.
I wish we never parted.
I'm so sorry.
I would never wish you away.
You asked of me, one thing.
To never leave you behind.
I promise you,
You will never be
Just another memory.

As the moon found its way to the sky, the crowd began to spill in. Chatters about how this will be a new start drowned the screams of a skeptical man, and the extravagant lights towered over the burning stars; we forget that they exist.

I watched the short castle walls and bobbing skulls. How lucky are these children that they have not lost their heads;

for the mannequins had half their head mutilated. It wasn't a pity- they needed no eyes, they didn't have a soul anyway. It's funny how they looked pleasing to the human eyes though. So hauntingly beautiful, like an incomplete work of a deranged artist.

I wonder if they had forgotten to take down the christmas decorations, or if it was newly hung for the new year. The lights seemed to drip down scrawny fingers; the tree must have inhaled rusted air from the killing machines on the road.

I could already picture crowds downtown getting ready for a countdown to nothing meaningful. As they release the fireworks into the skies, it shall catch the undivided attention of wandering eyes. Tired eyes light up at the sight of explosions and the smoke cling so tightly to their skin without them knowing. They're lucky smothered skin doesn't complicate their breathing. Or are they not? At least no one will consider getting under their skin anymore.

5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

oh another night has passed, but why hasn't the sun risen?

To whom it may concern.
Through memory and thought
I have seen it all.
About those already gone
And those yet to come
I am concerned.

I have seen a tree in autumn high
Far and further still its shade did fall.
Blessed from above and chained to the ground
As day by day there was less from a day.
Thus I have seen how earth slowly bled
Teardrops of yellow, through orange, to red
Discarding the many, sparing but few.  

So I have seen a rose that dropped its petals
Upon the bed of someone's tomorrow.  
Stained from desire of promises clashing
Half empty the sheets come morning remained.
Thus I have seen bitter sweetness and sorrow
When moments and faces were borrowed at will
Piled for later, traded for thrill.

I have heard the songs brought up by joy
Carried forth by comfort and faith, elated with hope.
So I have heard the laments and prayers at night  
Nurtured tirelessly by fear and by sin, bred in despair.
Dread be my comfort and I shall fear no more!
Fear consume my faith and I am not a sinner!
Sin dry out my hope and I shall hail you forevermore!
Forevermore and ‘till the end of time
Take me at least to the edge of this very night
To the brink of the day and back nevermore!

Yet, I know of a seed that bit through the frost
When prospect of morning yielded to chance.
Born to commence though bound to the End
Bathing in blessing of fire ignited by rain.
Thus I know of a smile that sprang out of hope
Eyes that craved for the shivering light
And a heart that beat over cries in the night!

Through memory and thought
I have seen it all.
Counting the days as I pass them by
By the grace of the wind,
By the will of the sky.
From where all the roads begin
To where at last they meet again
My memories are aching
But my thoughts are asking: ˝Why˝?

What will happen to me?
I can not breathe,
I am not productive,
And I usually say that I don't want to live anymore.

What did it mean to you?
When I said you were the reason I lived?
When I told you I was committed?
When I told you I loved you more than anything on Earth?

Why was I not enough?
I made mistakes, but my hand was forced...
People placed thoughts in my head...
I grew them and blew everything up

Just like my love for you blew up
Just like now how I feel okay talking to you (because it comes naturally)
But when you talk about her I just want to die?

What will happen to me?
Will more pills will help let me pretend I don't have this problem?
Swallowing extra extra extra doses of pain killers for the wrong kind of pain?

I have lots to look forward to, but
Remember those times when I said you made the rest of the world disappear?
It works in the opposite too...

Earlier I wanted to die again
While 4 hours ago I felt fine to hang out with you.
Until I get to see how someone else has taken my place in what I used to be to you.

John Keats
John Keats
John
Please put your scarf on.