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254 · Oct 2018
Guilt and Love
amuba Oct 2018
It was a moment of blank emptiness in my head,
Hard earned art-form turned to life
Through the medium of fingers, heart guided
Melancholy and freedom was the expression of my drive.

Like a sudden storm after the calmest state
Erupted inside me a feeling of deep belongings and big disappointment.
A sudden realization of familiarity, I got used to long back.
A feeling so normal and natural like a river flowing carefree taking any embodiment.

Time ceased, fingers froze, I leaned backward,
Confusion in my head and guilt in my heart.
Scenery of memories rushed
And Guilt! My heart was crushed.

Between waves of unknown chain of people
Emerged a damsel, this time not in distress.
Anger in her body but love in her eyes
Spoke no words, red hair, the familiar way she caress.

Soft and tender her hands may look,
Sudden ringing ears which had me shook
My dumb brain, grasping the situation to stay calm
Was I in her warm arms,
Her body shaking as she knelt,
My heart filled with the greatest pain and love ever felt.
Went to follow the passion of art and music, left home, left everything, even his love. Life is crazy amazing , reuniting them again in a place no one was expecting.
246 · Feb 2020
True Color
amuba Feb 2020
Mirrors on wall
Reflects
The last layer of skin
Sheds
Falls under the feet
Crumbles
Crackling noise finally
Sings
The raw and naked
Reveals
The moment created
Imprints
The soft and vulnerable core
Blossoms

Wooden palette and the hand
Cigarette and the long fingers
Black velvet, smoke and the lips
Ring and the nose, flamboyance and the body
Paints
...
Just one color dipped deep
...
Inside the empty canvas
...
Words spoken and the red lips-
"Yellow is the color, the true one"
Color painted on the empty canvas, this time just the true one.
235 · Apr 2019
Internal world
amuba Apr 2019
In this world of turmoil and despair
How do we survive and the faults we repair?
This world of superficial extent of my depth
My own denial and promises unkept.
This world inside that I am talking about,
The **** dark and shallow turns inside out.
Even this very thing that I do
Won't help much I knew.
I sound pathetic,
Angelically demonic,
Well willingly manipulative,
Passively aggressive.
Unsound version of this internal world
Shreds the skins and silent cold
This **** world that we live in
First we die externally till we try to fit in.
no notes
230 · Nov 2018
I won't
amuba Nov 2018
No I will not write about this
This feeling I have in me
I will not express
Let it consume me and drown me
i won't
225 · Jan 2020
The eyes of lack
amuba Jan 2020
I see it
I see it all
I see it all grey
I see it all grey colored
I see it all grey colored world
Only through these eyes are they grey
All the colors of the world turned one
These eyes only see the deficient
These eyes turned them grey
These eyes turned them
The eyes of lack
I see it all
Grey
Filtered vision
221 · Oct 2019
Truth
amuba Oct 2019
This is a feeling from inside
Irrational as its nature
Strictly pure and untouched
I hereby face the truth

Unclear, vague, foggy vision
Surrounds the mind
Clutch my nerves, motionless  
The truth it is the reason

This time attention I will give
I will face and I will look
Straight without judgment
As it is the truth I face

Things I do
Stupid and spontaneous
These reactions, these behaviors
They are very real as you, the truth

The comfort I seek
Through these eyes of discomfort
The thirst of equilibrium
I found, and I am sure I will find it again

As I faced the truth
The truth the very reason
As I looked into the truth’s eyes
The truth always reveals the reality
as we face the truth directly it always reveals the answers we seek, and in these answers lies the real comfort and growth.
199 · Aug 2019
I know
amuba Aug 2019
1st verse:
Dancing kings and queens,
Living angels and shiny sheens
They, the beauty and the show
Even under the skin, I know

Dancing kings and queens,
Living angels and shiny sheens
The dancing queen in me
Shiny velvet on my body

Chorus:
Even without if I go
Am I beautiful to you, I doubt
Even without if I go
I am still beautiful as me I know

2nd Verse:
The sound, the rhythm
Endless melody and freedom
Mingles with my heart as I go
This piece of life as I know

The sound, the rhythm
Endless melody and freedom
The songs full or empty
From the voices in me

Chorus:
Even without if I go
Am I beautiful to you, I doubt
Even without if I go
I am still beautiful as me I know

Bridge:
In times with rusted thoughts
When I am small and nobody

I still go out and loud I scream
The world is still under my feet
My dreams are big, I still have lots to show
In my palm lies all the beauty there is, I know

Chorus:
Today when I go out
I hear this clear and loud
You are beautiful, we know
You were always beautiful, we know.
A song
195 · May 2019
Am I even possible?
amuba May 2019
My skin soft
My bones weak
My age immature
My broken spirit

A circus of possibilities
To every problem and remedies
Yet questioning my insanity and abilities
"Am I even possible?"

My skills deficient
My imagination corrupt
My vision bent
My self-image disgust

A dream meaningful and big
Once was now downhill
Questioning my insanity and abilities
"Am I even possible?"

A spill of my own prison
A path to my own oblivion
A thirst of inner expression
A sudden spark to my salvation

Am I even possible
Tell me Lord, is it worth the tears?
Are we born with wonders?
Or die wondering - "If ever I was possible?".
I wanted to write this piece for a long time. It had been inside my head for quite a while but never really able to express it somehow. I keep asking this - "Are we born Mozart in some ways or will die not trying and knowing?"
75 · Sep 2024
Here I am
amuba Sep 2024
Here I am back again
Again to the emptiness of my life

Here I go again to the chase of meaning
To the man of unanswered questions

Here I run again to the past
The past I keep visiting where I thought I had a life

But here I am again
Knowing I am back to square one
Always back to sqaure one

— The End —