he is kisses and knuckles; treacherous as he invites you to stew in his retrograding aura.

he is cheating and winning, plated with gold and ignorance like some kind of rare ancient treasurer that curses you, and your children, and your children's children upon unearthing.

he is lies and thc wrapped up in the body of a boy with eyes more vibrant than every drop of paint in the sistine chapel.

if the mosquitoes don't even want my blood,
how can I expect someone to  want all of me?

he arrived on a friday
with fiery eyes,
to lavishly feast on my neck.

i anxiously waited
with flames in my palms,
to fill up the hole in my chest.

he's animalistic
with embers for hands,
eager to launch his attack.

watching his freckles
as my frame engulfs:
he takes away my holy breath.

We were so submerged in each other's minds that we'd forget about the world around us.
We'd burn the days away until every fragment of you knew every fragment of me
and I could locate your freckles, as if they were my own.
Darling, it's only been a month,
and yet we were so young.
But it appears that we've outgrown our callowness,
and can never cross paths in the way that we used to.
We became lukewarm too fast.

You're telling me you don't understand,
but darling, you don't make sense,
You make messes.

We were so disoriented by each other's lips that we'd get drunk off of each other's presence.
We'd dream the days away until every ounce of me felt the need to regain its equilibrium because you'd send me spinning.
Darling, it's only been a month,
and yet we've grown so old.
But it appears that we left our alignment in your sheets,
for we felt too much too fast until we overflowed with tepidness.

You're telling me you don't understand
but I don't make sense,
I make mistakes.

We'd so frequently be in each other's heads that we suffocated whatever we could have been.
We'd forget that fire needs oxygen to thrive until the light in my eyes dimmed to minuscule sparks.
Darling, it's only been a month,
and yet we are so cold.
And it feels like winter all the time in the midst of spring,
For we were a flame that blew itself out.

You get it.
We don't make fire,
We make wind.

algae infested,
they are both as shallow and
as deep as I am.

calm post-winter green
peppers the suburban scene
but I do not rest

It reminds me of:
the green eyes that once smiled,
So I called it love.

And the cold blue eyes
that left me jealous and weak.
he robbed me of spring.

Dearest,
I realized that the most happiness we can experience in this world will not be found solely in another person, but within the places we allow ourselves to go.

If you ever get the chance to fly after the sun sets, take it.
Take it and look up as far as you can, before your nose touches the cold glass window.
The cities and suburbs below will try to compete,
But the sky always comes out on top.

I swear I've never seen so many stars.

It began in the hallway
Lips gingerly moving to the tastes of bottles.

It started light.
You had those same Atlantic eyes that would rage hurricanes in my memories


I could do this for centuries.

You're the crosswind that causes droplets to fall from the leaves;
A canopy of green, the mirage of a pale-green summer storm.

You're the steel stringed guitar you so skillfully strum;
Raspy and warm, inevitably, you'll pull me under.

You're the snow drifting off of the lake;
Iced and stony, but nevertheless, fleeting.

You thought it was a spark,
But it was a conflagration.

You see, some monsters are complex.
Some are nice,
And talented,
And poetic,
And sweet to you,
But they'll erode you to dust.
They'll shatter you like a glass bottle traveling at high speeds towards a cold, hard brick wall.  
They'll treat you like a backup plan,
Like nothing,
And you'll forgive him every ******* time
Because you're so blinded,
Under his spell,
And he's so ******* charming.

But you're not a ******* second choice.
You deserve respect.
You deserve someone who will put you first,
Someone who won't throw you on the back burner.
You're a gem.
You're a catch.
You're important,
And important things are valuable,
And valuable things should be kept close.

There will be other sparks,
Hell, there will be fireworks,
And they won't burn you.

All is paper thin
These temporary feelings
Nothing built to last

Sing to me softly,
For it's been a long journey,
Full of harsh noises that have come to corrupt my once pure eardrums.

Sing to me sweetly,
For the air here is not clean,
Full of subtance that has managed to pollute my no longer ****** lungs.

Sing to me gently,
For holes have weathered my façade,
Full of craters like the ones on the moon, however, mine are quite earth bound.

And finally, sing me to sleep.
Shut my eyes; let my mind run blank.
And when I wake up and enter the state where I'll have no recollection of who or where I am,
Keep me there.

Tea is hot,
Mouth is young;
Full of haste,
Small burnt tongue.
Old wounds heal,
But you will reopen;
Built fortification,
Only to be broken.

You infuriate me to the point that I
Ball my hands into fiery fists,
And cry a Red Sea into my palms.
You're a ******* parasite,
A virus.
Hell, you're an epidemic;
Infectious.

I'm weak.
I so badly want to forgive him.
He's got that cute kind of side smile that you just can't stay mad at,
And those lips like a black hole, pulling everything around, until all you can focus on is him.
His voice is smokey, and I inhale it until I can no longer breathe.
And those eyes
Eyes like sapphires,
But by no means is he a gem.

You lit the first spark, and that was all it took. I was ready to believe that I was ready for love. I was not.
2. You were the first flame, but I stood too close to the fire and it singed  my insides to the point that I felt like nothing more than ashes. Worthless
3. You unhinged my previous thoughts for awhile, and replaced them with your soft lips and warm eyes.
4. You caught me at a good time and helped me stay there for a couple months, but you grew up, while I remained stationary.
5. I found myself at home in your arms, between the trees, and under the stars.
6. I met you in the midst of a hazy summer and I have yet to decode what it is that you mean to me. But like all lost lovers, we're bound to find ourselves no longer misplaced.

The snow moves swiftly,
Silently falling to earth,
Green grass to cold white.

You've ruined blue eyes,

For when I gaze into his,

I'm still seeing you.

I used to look into your eyes and see galaxies.
And I'd chase you to the end of the universe,
Running laps around the solar system just to get your attention.
But now all I see are eyes.

You used to look at me like I was a goddess and I'd simply stare back in awe because I'd never experienced anything so rich with emotion,
Such deep and fiery breaths of passion embedded within our every inhale.

But instead, we'll close our eyes and let sleep blanket our never-still thoughts, for it's completely irrational and I'm tired of running.

The cottonwood fell from the skies and covered the grass

Like snow

It smelled fresh and young, like summer

Like you

Like the winter that barely lasted, the snow melted too soon

You were gone too soon


I'll never forget the night I heard.
That
Was the night
It snowed.

It's May
And I'll kiss you by the light of your still decorated Christmas tree.

It's May,
And the rain comes down heavy from the dark clouds that lurk at every corner.

It's May
And we've only got a couple more months together.

It's May,
And I don't really care that you're leaving
Because it's May,
And for right now,
I'm happy.

You've got me addicted to your scent,
Breathe you in 'till I feel content.
Craving the feeling of your lips against mine,
Obsessed with the feeling of our hands intertwined.

I left a piece of myself on the roof
And though I'm thousands of miles away,
It tethers me.

Of course,
They're green.
Green like the vines that wrap your image around my mind.
And I won't even put up a fight,
For I'm absolutely infatuated with even the mere thought of you.
Of course,
They're green.
Green like the color that is finally returning after a cold, grey winter.
And your smile thaws these freezer-burned feelings that I've longed to feel, and long forgotten.

We look at each other
As if we're to kiss.
We speak empty words
And false promises.

Deep fog sets over the craggy mountain.
I watch from Anacapri.
The smell of lemon fills the surrounding
And alas,
I am at peace.

My parents.
They call me
"Headstrong."
"Obsessive."
"Crazy."

But what about passionate?

I know I'm young,
But there's a spark,
A flame,
A fire.
One that is far too strong to be extinguished by the words
"Headstrong."
"Obsessive."
Or even the dreaded "Crazy."

sometimes i lay awake in the dark
and my mind creeps to the places we've been.

various concert halls,
(both on stage and in the house)
restaurants,
bars,
basements,
attics,
dark.

and i wonder the significance of each.
until i see you.
you and that stupid little grin you make when i say something dumb because i'm nervous to talk to you.
or the way your cheeks light up red like a sunset,
replacing fair skin with blush.
that moment when your eyes found mine and we both glowed.
the luminosity filled the room until the darkness seemed bright.

and just thinking about it,
alone in my room,
i smile a little bit

and i can only hope that you do the same
when your mind creeps
and stumbles upon my face.
that stupid little grin i make when i know that i'm right.
or the way that i know every word to every song
and the way that my eyes light up when i see you walking towards me.
replacing dull eyes with light.

Are you hiding in the beech trees?
Are you blowing in the wind?
Are you my lazy summers,
Before the fall begins?

Are we just a setting sunrise?
Are we just a waning moon?
I can count the stars in your eyes.
And I can see them fade so soon.

And finally the clouds are clearing up
When I wake up maybe I'll be strong and I'll
Just look around and scream that I know I am so enough
Those days of rain are finally paying off

I must be taller than 5'2 allows,
Because I lay on the floor
While my head's in the clouds.

I must be made to live in the night,
I see beautiful worlds
With my eyes shut tight.

My heart's the crack in the sidewalk,
Disturbing smooth pavement,
And you're an invasive plant,
In the space that we share.

And I was the rubber,
Soles that ran on the pavement,
Just chasing some boy,
Who made it clear he won't care.

When I let my mind wander,
I stumble on pictures.
You rob me of memories,
Leave trails of despair.

And when I'm alone,
I desperately miss you.
Because though you weren't good,
At least you were there.

you're lovely.
sweet
but there's an acidic quality about you,
one that stings
reminding of every scrape and cut.
but me,
I'm resilient.

i might fall flat out on the pavement
or i might fall head over heels in love with the idea of love

but i've so much to learn
and so much to feel

and i'm both eager and terrified

i fluctuate along the boundary of complete control and utter chaos
equations and imagination
the reality opposed to the uncharted territory in my mind

i walk the woods behind my house
and though you no longer walk them with me,
i feel you there.
and though half of our memories are gone,
replaced with a daycare center and a parking lot,
they still exist in my mind.
and in my subconscious,
you're still here.

filler is the contents of the words i say
just so i can be close to you
sometimes they're empty compliments
or observations
and you'll always reply in the same way
with filler
because i guess we're not close enough for a real conversation

Memories of the trails on the backs our hands.
Growing each day,
Digging in sand.
Skin on skin and the nights I can't forget.
It's good to be young.
Too young to regret.

I miss the days where nothing mattered at all,
And now all I can think about
Is how I could fall.
I miss the days where I could talk to the trees
And imagine the world
As if they'd talk back to me

I'd like to say it's all complex,
But I know that it's just me.
I just want to fade out.
But I can't bring myself to leave.
I'd like to sleep for my whole life,
But it won't go away.
So **** indecisive
Can't bring myself to stay.

We all want someone who will kiss our flaws away,
And fix us,
But that doesn't exist,
Because how could someone love you,
When you can't even love yourself?

I saw you.
And appearance wise, you were probaby the most beautiful person I've ever seen.
As much as I hope we'll meet again,
I'm sure we won't.
Your eyes flickered up for a fraction of a second
And I could see that you were about to cry.
You held it in,
And tried to hide it,
But I saw you.
And all I could do was stare as you walked away into another aisle.

i wish i could match words to my feelings
because they can't understand the music
so they can't understand at all

Unreal thoughts of what it meant to be beautiful.
Society taught her that she wasnt enough.
She felt as if she could never feel beautiful,
For they were all diamonds,
And she was the rough.

The summer of sadness is over,
The leaves have changed and part.
The winter freeze blows colder,
But the fire burns my heart.

So tell me where.
But where to start?

The small town symptoms crowd me
They try to push me down
But I know of a secret,
The light to lead me out.

So tell me where,
But where and how?

The waves of doubt are over
The tides now remain calm
The water will run bolder
And I'm ready to move on
My summer of sadness has ended,
My leaves have changed and gone.
The winter; I've befriended,
And the fire keeps me strong.

I learned a lot from him at three in the morning, but the most important lesson was that
"You gotta get through it."
It's gonna ****,
But it's not forever.
You might hate it,
But "you gotta get through it."
The more you fight it,
The longer it'll feel,
So just go with it for a while.

When you get out,
Put it behind you

don't look back

"And that's when your life truely begins."

How ironic it is
That your tattoo is a scorpion.
What a majestic creature,
Holding it's head high,
Charming those around it.
But do tell me,
When do you sting?

Maybe it's not my weekend
But it's gonna be my year
And I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere
And this is my reaction
To everything I fear
Cause I've been going crazy I don't want to waste another minute here."

It's time.
It's been time.
It's a new year, I'm a year older and it's time. It's time that I move on. The things I felt I had needed had been holding me back. I was clinging onto pieces of him. Pieces that did not make up a full puzzle.
And I filled it in with fantasies, ideas, romanticizing what wasn't there; what was never there.
So it's time to move on,
Get on with my life.
And sure, he's still a really cool guy, but in order for me to get anywhere, I need to focus.

So that's my resolution
To move on.
Not to forget,
But simply, to turn the page.

I've kissed him in a thousand dreams
And missed him for eight hundred weeks
Stayed up when I should be asleep
Wondering if he thinks of me
I know I shouldn't care this much
But I can't seem to shake this crush
I'm upside down and out of touch
He'll never notice, never does.

Trying
I am trying.
I am trying hard.
I am trying so hard.
I am trying too hard.