feeling trapped but i am not confined
all of my fears inside my mind
can't scream, can't run, nowhere to hide
alarms are blaring, i'm dressed in white
i'm choking, i'm falling
i don't know why
the sky is blue, birds are singing
i'm treated well but my ears are still ringing
i'm running as far, as far as i can
from all that is good, from a stand-up man
still, nothing is wrong
but the alarms keep going
it could be a false alert but i won't risk not knowing

as i am looking back on all the bridges i've burned
and nothing has changed, not a lesson was learned
my heels are callused, my tears run dry
i tread onward
leaving behind
the birds and the sunshine and flowers that may bloom
for the fear i may **** them, i presume
so the seeds go unplanted and i'll sit in the rain
because it hurts way less
when you're prepared for the pain

i will never be tidy
you will never be
able to wrap me up
and stick a big red bow on me
i am crumpled tissue paper gifts:
i am a little belated
i will always have fly-aways
in my hair
and makeup
smudged under my eyes
i have always been a mess
and a little crazy
trying to clean me up
will only make it worse
you see,
i will always be friday night
and you,
will always be monday morning

your version of love is an algorithm more basic than take-aways. you're allowed to take as much as you give and you still get a solid number. a real result. but i don't work in binaries and black-and-whites.

love is my negative number and the missing letter to my typewriter i can't find no matter which dusty beasts i search through. it's the bruise on the heel of my palm as i collide with secrets -- swiping hands beneath your sofa searching for my missing key.  

love is your receipt.
here's what you bought, here's what it cost.

i'll register bankruptcy instead. take my seven years and start over instead of being your negative number and unknown variable. a declined credit card stamped on your list of positive transactions.

i am scared to be vulnerable
because i am so, absolutely,
incredibly broken
and i don't know if i
can be put back together
quite yet
you see
i've got mountains to climb
but i am still having trouble
finding my shoes

I don't know how to hold onto people
Because I've never
Been held onto,
myself

I don't miss you
I miss how I felt with you
So in control of my own destiny
We laid our plans out like fresh concrete
But you didn't wait
For it to dry
And that's why there's a big footprint
In my sidewalk