day 2

my world has felt like
it has crashed around me
so many times
that there is no dramatic reaction
to the pain that pools from my chest

as the storm tangles her claws in my hair
And rakes me across her bony spine
I stoop down to collect the pieces
broken, shattered , and rough
and tuck them quickly down my sleeve
I rebuild the same frame and heartbeat
The same breath and the same stretch marks

The puzzle fits together snugly enough
For the audience not to notice its cracks.

days
stretch over lifetimes,
as if all the clocks in the world
       wore themselves out —

and certain mornings
i shapeshift

i create different molds for myself
to fit into
i do not know why i must change
but i do know it helps.

the scissors clip and
my hair floats as fallen feathers
towards the base of the sink

i wake up only to
not recognize the girl in the mirror
and greet her w a smile.

she is
sad.
and there are so many worlds
she wishes she was exploring.

i wish i could help her.

but all i do is hurt her,
and i do not know where to
begin
asking for her forgiveness.

i owe myself
a lot of things
i have not been giving.
there is some secret i must have
forgotten,

or never knew.
on how to treat myself. how to think of  myself.

i read somewhere
it takes 21 days to start a new habit.

if i join myself here, at least once a day,
i am sure
i have to be sure
i am sure i will find something that feels better
than the silent and troubled thoughts

there has to be something that grows inside
that i plant and water
that i nurture

that will save me.