Is it not strange and wonderful-
how pain makes beauty richer?
Show me your scars.
Show me your evil.
Show me your sorrow.
Read me the story of your redemption.
I am tired of your perfection.
I am tired of your strength.
Let me love you.

Nothing to see, so I'll stop looking
Nothing to say, so I'll stop talking
Nothing to hear, so I'll stop listening
Nothing to do, but I'll keep thinking
Always thinking
About everything here, in this world
About everything up, in this sky
About everything done, in this life
About everything except, nothing
Never nothing

My heart is finished

I dont want anyone else

I dont’ know how to care about anyone else

You were supposed to be it

And now you’re gone and I wanted it to be you

I wanted to be a part of your family and I associate that warm feeling of Christmas with you and I don’t know how I’m going to be okay again

I dont know how to be okay without you

You were my okay

You were who I went to when I was lost and now I’m lost and I dont have a home anymore

You arent my home anymore and now I dont know which direction to turn

I wanted everything with you every single **** thing I wanted with you

I thought we’d get through this I really did

We had to we had to

I am going to stop cutting.
It's done absolutely nothing.
I didn't know i could; never thought i would but now it's turned into something.
Whether an addiction, or a style this behavior is not worth while.
Part of me wants to stop.
Satan won't let those knives drop.
I am really going to fight because God has taught me wrong and right.

in ten thousand ways
i watch flames up ahead
swaying on ivory stilts
we sit in silence.
the color here is gold
ice at first, then the sun
we look skyward as far
as we can reach.
you're in the corner of
my eye, i need to
focus, jumbled music
are words we used to say.
sour turned sweet
somehow
peace to seep in open sun
morning windows
this is freedom.

I want someone to look at me the way the sky looks at the earth.
And I want to be talked to the way Jack White sings.
And I want to be loved the way my voice breaks when I read poetry.
And when you take me into your arms and when you break my bones with your words and when I explode in the heat of your touch, I love you.

It can feel like you're being torn apart
Limb from limb
Like the skin that has been holding you together for so long
Is finally wearing thin
Do you remember the first time you were drunk?
Like the world wouldn't stop spinning, no matter how much you wanted it to
And you could swear everyone had their eyes on you as you stumbled down the stairs
It can feel like the moment before a drop on a rollercoaster
Not knowing when you're about to fall,
only knowing that it's a long way down
Because you can be alive for 18 years, and life can still feel really ******* new
And anyone who acts like growing up feels like freedom
and flying
is only telling half the truth
Growing up feels like responsibility,
and losing your best friend
and being so scared of never being somebody that it keeps you stuck in bed all day with a "flu"
And getting older does feel like breaking out of your skin,
being drunk
and riding a rollercoaster -
**but all in the worst ways.