I never understood why I would walk around with a mask called a smile and pretend to be fine while I visibly was not

I never understood why my chest would get so heavy with emotions that I could not breathe or leave my bed for days upon days

I never understood why my image in the mirror would be so haunting that I would cry when my mom would remind me it was just a reflection that was distorted

I never understood why my physical pain would be easier to cope with than the emotional damage I had endured

I never understood why the demons in my head would tell me to do such unthinkable things to myself on a regular basis

I never understood why I was never good enough for myself no matter what I would change to better myself

I never understood why I wouldn’t let myself believe I had a problem when I so desperately needed help

and I don’t understand why I was so ashamed of something that wasn’t my fault but I do understand it has been a few years and things get easier

and I understand that without everything I felt, I wouldn’t be who I am today

I should've guessed, I should've known.
If there's a lightning, thunder will come.

That I was a guest, this wasn't my home,
but I was just too afraid to be alone.

Winds might change after tomorrow
and the sea my pain could somehow swallow.

But today there's this mountain of sorrow,
that blocks the sun, and makes me feel hollow.