I’m blinded
Walking with a hollow body
And an unconscious mind
I can’t feel anything
Yet I find myself wandering
Drifting through the emotions
That have been injected into my veins

Is there life after death?
Will I, after this life, be what others call—
Happy?
Will my dad neglect me?
Will I be abused?
Will I have scars?
Will I wreak of self-loathing?

I’m so ******* young
But I ache as if I’m an elderly man
It’s too early—
I shouldn’t feel empty
Or worthless
Or so ******* dead in my own skin
But I do
And it’s breaking me

What were you –
When your lips would part
And incoherent words
Would fall from your mouth?

Where were you –
When the sheets were tangled at my feet
While his arms were laced around my frame
And his breath smothered my thoughts?

Who were you –
When I would implore
That you open up and help me understand
The world you call your own?

How were you –
Able to let me fall from
A ledge while you stood there
Not even looking my way?

When did you realize –
That it was not me you wanted
But the mere thought of me
Which brought you to think
That you were in love?

you can't say that I was the one who kicked you out of my heart, when I spent months kicking and screaming, begging for you to come back to me. I sat, festering inside myself for days, and did nothing but stare at the walls that had a nasty habit of only showing where your fingers brushed against their sickly white barriers. walls.
I'll never forget the pleasant  cool feeling of the staccato wall of our high school,  pressed up against my back when you first kissed me. I'll never forget the day I wrote your name in the sand. I'll never forget the day that you built a wall so high around your heart, that not even you would dare to reach inside, for fear of falling in, and never finding a way out. I used to pretend that after the years, you'd let down your flowing golden rod hair, and I'd climb my way back into your soul, but I see now why they call happy endings like that fairy-tales. I loved you then, and I love you now, but you are no longer the bearer of my soul. you no longer hold my beating heart in your cold hands. I've spent weeks scaffolding the burnt brick built up about your breast, refusing to look down, refusing to see reason, to look to the crashing sea below me, but the trembles from your wrath shook me off and broke me down, and sent me plunging into the churning sea below. the powerful waves, held me down, stole my breath, broke my strength. It was what bound me. kept me in delusion. yet, it was bliss, and the choking vice around my lungs rid me of the hunger and the pain. I let myself drown in you, and drifted, broken, to the new shore. I allowed you to flood my lungs to keep me afloat. little did I realize, it was your iron grasp on my heart keeping my head above the waves. or was it my hope for you that held me up? was it my optimism of a better place that drifted me? I guess I'll never know.
it is with new legs, and fresh face, that I humbly walk these new shores, that I bear my heart and soul to breathe another lover's name, once again.

(a.m.)(e.a.h.)
08/19/14

What is happening to the world?
People are killing,
children are dying,
and we are just sitting.

There's not much to do. There's not much to give.

I understand.
But have we forgotten about our mouths? The mouth that God gave us, and the mouth that God is taking away from an innocent child?

There's not much to do. There's not much to give.

But have we forgotten of our hands? The hands that God gave us, the ones that God is taking away from an innocent, helpless teenager?

There's not much to do. There's not much.. to give.

What about our heart? The ones we're so caught up in filling it up with another person's words, empty. The heart that is stopping due to a fight with a fellow citizen.

It only takes a prayer. All you need is your hands, head and heart in it.
There's so much to say, and so much to think about.

That really can be good enough.

Clasp your hands together and stop thinking about the money you're losing, for just a minute. And cherish your family, cherish your fortune, and friends.


Cherish.

**And never stop thanking.