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AFJ Dec 2014
This isn't love, This isn't hate.
This is that sorta thing hard to relate.
This isn't luck, this isn't fate,
This is that sorta thing hard to escape.

This is the truth, this is a lie,
This is my reason for getting on by,
This is a low, this is a high,
This is the reason I ask myself, why?.

This is a story that shouldn't be wrote.
This is a saying that you shouldn't quote.
This is a struggle that I've never spoke,
This is the reason I'm rowing the boat.

Why am I rowing the boat?

Refusing to sink,
3 a.m and i think,
By 5 a.m &I; might be crouched over a sink,

What of this life,
So called living,
so called, i haven't felt full since thanksgiving.

So called, so called...
God did his roll call,

And for a second I hesitated.
And whispered, Here... You?
The reply i got was..

I Hear You.



-afj
AFJ Dec 2014
When your ex,
Texts you on some..
"Babyyyy where you been?
I miss you and i need you, always feel you like the wind"....

**** you left me though?..
Why'd you even save my phone?..
I thought we went our separate ways i thought that we were grown?..

That's when she calls me up, && i smell it in her tone..
If only she knew, Alcohols a quick escape and not a home..

Shes like..
"Naaaa nah bruh,
ive only dranken just a lil.....
But in honesty,
like really we should go on dr.phil.."

Proceeds, on some..

"i need a ride, whats for dinner, why dont we go visit moms"
playing the Weeknd, on a weekend, its The Same Old Song.

i always pick her up, and drop her off at Katie's..
******, like **** you know **** well she can get this crazy!
Now Katie's mad like, "****, you be her roommate then!"
I'm like, that was the plan but that **** caved in..

Well, this will probably happen again next week, & the week after.
what a long, sad and repetitive chapter..
i mean to most drunk texting is a matter of laughter,
but it leads me to drunk text her back & attack her...

On some,
"Babeeee where you been...
I miss you and a need you, & i feel you like the wind.."

Shes like..we talked about this before..you never hit me up when your sober.

I'm like,
"nor do you, so so so when you coming over?"

She hangs up. .
Happens twice a month.
im sober when shes drunk..
& when shes sober im a chump.

relationship? Or relation-****?
Either way,
Far from a REALationship.

But i guess you can say, at least we speak it could be worse...
by the way, later today its my turn to text her first..




-afj
AFJ Dec 2014
it was a tuesday afternoon, in the middle of june,
this barternder and blue moon will surely be my demise..
Its become a routine, every week im a fiend but suddenly to my surprise...

A woman walked in standing at 5'4, seeemingly hungover and beat.
Eyeliner & lipstick fading..lookin as if she couldnt find sleeep,
her hair has half *****, half curly and partly braided.
she sat on the stool next to me partly *** what i stated...
I said "welcome! take a seat, this is the sober section, besides. all the good seats are taken".
She smiled, more like a smirk, then proceeded to sit, at first oddly looking a bit shaken..

i noticed she was young, pobably barely 21, and she had a tattoo on her back, as she reached for her purse...
Clearly i didnt kno her origin, but an idea i was formin, especially when her art read, 'beauty is a curse'...
Clearly she was gorgeous. Green eyes with a brown complexion..
I asked her in awe which town she was sent from?..

She said she was from the bay..
grew up in her mommas house but now shes living with her bae,
I said oh word, whos the lucky man who gets to keep you???.
She said God......
*** she doesnt need to mess with people.

what brings her here,?
in this bar by the pier,
where theres something in the beer, making normal people fear.

She said she came to spread the word of God....
immediately i figure shes a fraud.

Hows a 'martini, piercing on her lip, tattooed from her back to her hip,
looking like she wont tip....'
typa girl claiming to be holy?

She smiled, more like smirk, and whispered,........
you dont even know me.

And proceeded to say she came in this bar because there was a presence of a demon in disguise..

I laughed are u sure it isn't just u?
She held up a mirror. I saw a demon in my eyes.





-afj
AFJ Nov 2014
How scenic,
the view of the city from this rooftop.

But I've seen it all before.
I'm really looking for a new spot.

I've done it all yet i still need time,
Kind of like a new clock,

i even met the devil once,
Had Jimmy Choos and a blue top..

but just when i want to leave,
i remember why i stay.

I remember all the cracks on the concrete
i see by day.

And every crack has the potential to grow a stem.
Kind of like every person has the potential to grab a pen.

And the most inspiring of moments is when a rose blossoms.
the thorns might be thick, and the scent might be off some..
the petals might be thin, but its still looking awesome.

Do you follow my story?
Can you grasp my allegory?
Can you understand why I revel in this garden i see before me?.

You may just see cracks,
a street needing a fix...
But I'm in total bliss speaking life into exist-...ence
hence,
The reason my view will never get old..
long live the rose that grew, regardless of what it was told..


-afj.
AFJ Nov 2014
Same old poem, same old theme.
A love lost, heart broken, with dreams..
I said I love you. she said. define it.
she thought id fear her question, but really..I didn't mind it....

eloquence, heaven sent, from Aphrodite herself.
the allure of the angels, where afterhours are felt.

late night dreaming of the Goddess in you,
And my tongue isn't speaking from a partisan view.

the honor of honesty, your naked soul is what caught me.
scared to death of steep hills and this one was rocky.

but your blessings brought me courage, & your beauty is hope.
we live less than a park away, but your still thinking Knope.
ya we talk.. recreationally....
with all that love you posses, just a ration to me?
I know that rings cost money, but patience is free,
so let me tell you why I love you, then she turned to face me..

and I couldn't speak.
Inside, I could weep..
but how do I tell her she's the reason that for years I don't sleep..
a dreamer, turned dreamless...
the worst of diseases,
because others take your body..
but without your soul you need Jesus.

I told her every time I blink, I think.
and when I think,
I pray your blinking too.

weird way to describe it..
ya but I **** at speeches...
so she made me write it.

I wrote I love you, on a paper,
p.s once unfolded this statement will always be true.

with a rose in the middle, and a personal riddle,

a picture of the first time we met, and a drawing of a heart..
she said ...that's the best you got?

I said no, that's my worst, but if you don't love me as I'm cursed,
then you don't deserve the saying.
if you understand what I'm saying?

she said no....
Well, i **** at speeches.
I'm not good at writing too,
nor am I good at defining the word love from out the blue.

but I can tell you, I'll never cheat,
never flirt or take a peek,
ill delete,
every girl from my phone in just a week,
never one for deceit,
always pull back your seat,
on lonely days without contact I promise to go deep,
to understand your soul and the secrets you keep,
the blessings and curses and the reasons you weep,
hold you closer to the universe, caressing your cheek.
and if that's not enough ill even cook you some meat.

more importantly though,
I will forever grow,
and our hearts can mend together and resemble a glow.

she said.. but you can do all those things to any girl you meet..
I said but ill only do it for you...
she said why...?
I said, *** I love you...
she said Define it.




-afj
AFJ Nov 2014
It's been so long, too long..
if only this breeze would prolong its stay...

thoughts like, man a year ago the weather during this time,
was colder than today..

65 degrees. a New Yorker may laugh...
but a Cali kid is out here freezing his ***.
bonfire in the backyard watching the time pass,
the fire flickering, whispering the secrets of the past.

you should listen.

maybe you too will fall in love with the wind.
fall in love with giving thanks and hugging your kin.
fall in love with gifts, Santa, candles and grins,
finally make a resolution to put behind all your sins.

60 degrees. it gets colder as the night progresses..
you capture the essence, of the night..
and realize its adolescence.
it hasn't yet began to even grasp adult lessons..

55 degrees, feeling weak in the knees,
its been a week, since the tree outside had any leaves.
no fireplace, no heater just a ******* and cheese,
and take your *** to bed early before you get the real breeze.

50 degrees, I'm freezing to death,
more depressed now knowing that my babygirl left,

so I'm here all alone.
me, chardonnay and a cup.
fog surrounding, branches howling waiting till winter is up.




-afj
AFJ Oct 2014
You made me believe in past-lives..
because there's no way in heaven our connections this new...

The passion & the chemistry, &the; synchronicity of journeys, simply couldn't have been born out of the blue...


On such short notice you alleviated my grievances, believing in my flaws and accepting my thought patterns. .  .

I told her baby. I know you don't like rings. But if I had the power to give you the world,..i'd give you the whole, Saturn.


She said, "Silly, i don't want a world.. that isn't enough. I just a want a world with you in it, even if it comes with storms."

But the minutes turn to hours, the hours turn to minutes. Laws of physics say something started must finish, or transform."


Like the river, on a clear night when the moon tickles the surface, looking beautiful till somebody decides to skip rocks..

The universe itself on the tip of my lower lip was the exact sensation i felt when our lips locked..

Perhaps we were married in our past life.
Maybe we'll have children in the next one.
but in this time and space presently?...

She decided to call it quits,
Broken heart. But; I can never hate someone who makes me feel heavenly.

So, I'll await lifetimes...
For the day she comes back, and if she never returns I will never complain..

Because she was heaven sent, an angel, a blessing. I'm honored to have even known her by name.

Though she quit on us..
i must say if only she knew.

The realest words ill ever speak are,
I love you, too.



-afj.
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