When you think you have seen it all,
When you believe nothing worse could ever happen.
When you think, "How could my life get crazier?"

STOP
PaUsE
Think again...

As soon as you think you've hit rock bottom,
As soon as you think you've seen it all...

Someone comes down the mine shaft, with a jackhammer in hand,
Breaking through a barrier,
*you thought could never be penetrated.

Confirmation is always hard.
Especially from those whom you trust.

I hate to admit the truth, I wanted so desperately to be  proven wrong.
Yet the evidence gives me a strong case

It hurts to know.
I just don't comprehend.

What did I do wrong?
That I was kicked out,
yet she got to stay?

Why did it stop me,
*but not her?

I can't be your first love
The one who's name waits on your tongue
To lash out and remind me
I am small within her shadow

I can't be your first love
With mocha skin
Red wine dripped lips
And the touch that may still creep into your dreams

I can't be the first love
You waited months to kiss
In a firework glow
(I wanted you more, God only knows)

I can't be the first love
Who captured you
With artemis' grace
And her goddess confidence
(Rather, I'm the stumbling deer in your headlights)

I can't be the one
Who coiled around you
Demanded princess treatments
No, I never fit right on a pedestal

I can't be her
Though I've wished I could
When the way you say her name
Holds more than just nostalgia

Now I know she's got the front row seats
Serial effect on her side
But don't put me in the nosebleeds
Cause the previews always come
Before the main event
Yes, I can't be your first love
But I'd love to be second

I thought,
I speak,
I shut down.

I wait,
I hope,
I shut down.

I feel,
I breathe,
I shut down.

Unstable am I,
Traveling these shallow halls.
I fall upon the shadows, creeping down beside.

Shadows have always been my peace,
my prosperity.
A place I could call happy and home.

How can one cast a shadow of the broken?
Is there a crack in the shadow?
If so, Mine is split in half.

Emotions and me, they don't mix.
The serpent is right, I tempt myself.
As worrysome as it is, It is out of my control

Anger is something I never struggled with,
until now.
Concentration breaks with fury and rage.

I thought something had changed,
Like the last times before.
But my mind stays put, and the shadows remain.

How? How is it that easy?
I honestly can't say.
It has always been hard for me,
It's always been that way.

Tell me dear, how I can be fixed.
Mended from the past, present and future.
Otherwise, I'm not sure there will be the third.

Why am I like this?
Where did this come from?
Who have I become?

I said before, and I say it again.
I've lost myself.


*please help me find my way back.