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  Sep 2016 Sam
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Sometimes I wonder
at the marvelosity
that is our universe

we can give and create
we can love and debate
we can push and pull
we can die.

but yet in all this sparkling madness,
this canvas that has yet to be covered
why are there so many blank spots?

The curious thing is,
I'm too busy helping others color their lives
to give any life
to mine.
Sam Sep 2016
Manipulation begins,
before the games begin.
The pre-game shows the truth,
It prepares you for the challenge.
If you hurt now,
you'll only injure yourself more.
When you hurt before the game,
you call pull a muscle.
It begins with you,
the choices you make.
I was hurt, I never made it to the game.
My ankle was sprained,
So I could never make the perfect spike, the perfect foul shot, the buzzer beater.
I never took the chance,
I regret.
If I had played the game,
would my ankle have grown strong?
Or would it have broken more.
I took the will of the coaches advice,
They know what's best for me.
Now how long will I not be able to play?
How long will my my ankle hurt?
How long until I can feel the rush of adrenaline as I sprint down the court,
knowing i have a straight shot at a layup?
I miss it.
I miss the beginnings.
The fact that you know you can make it,
just an injury stands in the way.
It tears at me,
I wish I could play,
I wish I had chosen to,
but I didn't.
Sam Sep 2016
I can't help it?
I don't really understand.
The beauty that shines before me,
is much greater than I've ever seen.
I have tunnel vision,
only getting one clear picture.
A photo of clarity.
It makes everything make sense,
I don't really know why.
My peers have noticed my distraction,
my emotions are as clear as a photo.
So why aren't they clear to me?
Sam Sep 2016
The starling is in need of help.
It believes its wings are dull and colorless,
It believes the other birds look down at it,
It believes it has no place.
It needs to learn,
learn that it does in fact have a position,
to be right next to the flamingo.
The flamingo can help it,
make it forget all of its insecurities.
Then the flamingo will finally be happy,
and the starling's mind will be at peace once more.
Sam Sep 2016
One more
to let my mind go.
The waves flow between my ears,
I distract myself.
I am Great.
I start thinking,
I slip.
I am Okay.
I try to drown it out,
It doesn't work.
I am *******.
I shake, I quiver,
Nothing escapes the endless whisper.
I am panicking.
I run, I can't hide.
I fall, I can't get up.
I am done.
I need sleep.
Sam Sep 2016
I want to.

I need to?

I shouldn't.

I should.

No.

I can't.
Sam Sep 2016
Sometimes,
When you choose to,
When you want to,
You help me.
I feel loved, I feel happy.
Then you do this?
Ignore me? Never answer my calls?
I thought you were better than this.
What happened to the one I played basketball with?
The one who makes me laugh,
the one who is a stupid idiot, but I loved anyways.
Family, sticks together?
Really?
Okay, if this is sticking together,
I'd hate to see your ripping apart.
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