Spinning the bottle:
Hand on the throttle
Unwanted dissent:
It's not what I meant

Cordial yet feckless
Livid and reckless
I gave up trying
I felt like dying

Euphoric divergence:
Chaotic resurgence
It's just as it seems:
I gave up my dreams

I run from the past
To live in this caste
Self-loathing will boast
I miss Her the most...

I feel like a floater:
I find a different life every year
Euphoria is a thing of the past
An archaic dissent into madness

"The words I write are cheap and trite"
I bury my demons, but they come out at night
I can't escape from the words in my mouth:
Or, the vexation stuck in my soul

I hear the music between my heartstrings:
But, do not know how to portray [it]
My reflection has mocked me for years
I don't feel most of anything

My conscience has taken an extended vacation
I called them, but they passed out on the couch
Dreaming has passed my past
I can barely remember...

The delight of my defection:
A plethora of schemes
Regret still stalks me, patiently
My dreams gave up on me

Silence overwhelms my seemingly cordial heart
My conscience is on vacation
The chasm between morals and impulse widens
I dive, headlong, into self destruction

My bones shake with envy and fragility
The regret in my heart seems insurmountable
It's difficult to run from your own tactless heart
To endure the most patient heartache

My senses dangle in haughty enticement
Disregard stalks me like a thief
My mind adulterates each contention of my heart
I cannot ignore its silence...

My cruelest intentions deceive me, and vex
The dreams I create put my heart in a hex
Distraught by ambition, regret knows my name
A stranger to solace: I'm solely to blame

The breadth of my sorrow still thrives in my soul
There's no place to run to; there's no where to go
Conviction precedes me and leaves me to die
It's tough to decipher what isn't a lie

What grief will allot me is fictitious schemes
To bury intention, and give up my dreams
What price was this folly? How much is my heart?
There's no home to go to; just where do I start?

Intrepid, my demons return to their crimes
My sins came to haunt me a trillion more times
I see my Accuser and fall to the dust:
'Oh God, don't forsake me; but **** me, you must'...

Does solace know best?
She rips through my chest
Deception is key
Her love isn't free

I feel our hearts break
Through one more mistake
Our will was once kind
I'm losing my mind

The Devil came back
He planned his attack
With cruelly knit schemes
(To live in Her dreams)

I lived with despair
There's much to repair
Her sorrow takes shape
When will I escape?....

My heart is violently choleric
It yearns for disaster
Pride has made a wretched fool of me
I am consumed and bested by my sin

I deserve death from the Son of Man
My mind is a slave to self deception
I am mocked by my own words
Blind guides follow me off of this cliff

Sorrow is my biggest fan
My will is a den of thieves
When it's all about me:
This life is cold and dreary

The bottle is always empty
I am guilty in front of the Accuser
I feel death at my doorstep
So, I turn to let them inside...

My God: have I forsaken you?
I'm trapped inside my schemes
I searched too long for some place new
[To give up on my dreams]

I see the mirror mocking me
My heart is filled with snakes
I feel the Devil stalking me
He tells me my mistakes

I squander life so foolishly
With graceless malcontent
When solace runs so rapidly:
My ego won't repent

I live within obscurity
The world is cruelly trite
Please, God: relieve my apathy
I'm weary of my spite...