I sat down in the cold hard seat,
My heart slamming into a concrete wall,
Splattering everywhere,
While 3 pairs of pupils,
Penetrate my soul.
You could tell the commotion,
Was broiling underneath the surface.
Silence was my best friend,
We sat there together for what seemed like a lifetime,
Until the timer was up to start the saga,
Of my never ending rendition,
Of the same **** story.
My head was spinning,
Unaware if I shall pass out or ***** first.
“You have a choice.”
My nails dug into the rough leather,
Resisting the urge to scream.
Thoughts scrambled my brain.
Yes I do have a choice,
It’s either I throw myself off a cliff,
Or I let you push me.

Waking up to a heavy chest
My body begging me to sleep again
And my anxiety begins the second I realize I'm alive
I'm trying to learn to function
With all of this negative energy inside me
I know it'll pass and
I know it'll get better
But right now it hurts
I feel unloved
Unloveable
I feel lost inside myself
A place I can't stay too long
Before I lose my mind
I can tell myself I'm worth it and
That my worth isn't defined by others
And it works for a bit
Until something else comes up and
My heart loses its energy
And I either feel like giving up
Or ready to fight everyone

The world is my movie screen,
I’m constantly being reminded,
That I am only a spectator,
In this ****** up life.
My hands are not my hands,
Yet they’re right in front of me.
The thing is, I can never press pause.
I am always on the go.
It’s as if my mind is a separate deity,
Than my body.
I look in the mirror,
And see someone who I know
Is supposed to be me.
However, this fog that constantly
Fills my brain makes me feel as if I am
Walking on clouds, unaware of my steps.
I wish I could see the world in 1st person.
Instead of this bright, oversized world,
That pounds with every step I take.
I feel nothing which means I feel everything.
It’s just all in the inside, constantly building up,
Without notice.
It’s as if I am driving a rental car.
I know how to drive but the car is foreign to me.
The gears work, but they aren’t mine.