reading love poems
is like someone
slowly injecting me
with acidic poison
and screaming into my ear

"YOU'LL NEVER GET WHAT YOU WANT!"

feels disgusting
and weird
i feel jealousy
and fear
grabbing me by my neck
and shoving their sewage
garbage gutter love
in my face

why do i gotta look at it?

A beauty
with curves
and skin
brown
like the earth
mixed with clay
and her eyes
shaped like big almonds
with eyelashes
like black butterflies
fluttering
on her face
her ******* are milky
her waist
is wide
her hips
are even
with a gap
between her thighs
her lips
are luscious
she kills
with her smile
her gaze
is deadly
her legs
are long
she looks
like a painting
she walks
with grace
her flesh
is glowing
the world
is erased
when she dances
its hyponotizing
when she stops
time freezes
with her playful feet,
and her hands so neat,
she flirts
and teases.

A life full of tears.

Out and about
random memories pop in my head
I just wander, feeling defeated

Trying to relax
sometimes I become distracted
by misty thoughts, thick like clouds

I become proud as my mind becomes silent
And walk away

Feeling the comfort and security
That nobody's thinking about me

when I saw my name
I felt a surge of electricity
I was shocked
at my own power

when i was younger i
wanted to be like you

but now i want to just
go back to being myself
everything was perfect
before i brainwashed myself
to thinking you were

i did the things you did
i said the things you said
i trashed the core of my being
to fill myself with you
and now that's left me empty
feeling like trash
feeling used up

i feel like the color gray
i don't know who i am anymore
i can't trust what you say
i slowly get better day by
day i ignore the dismay
and fill myself up with
sunshine so that i am happy

with my life in a strange way.

life is a sad movie
where you slowly die
from the inside out
and all the bad memories
flash in your head
as the years go by
you kind of wish
that it would go by faster
because there's nothing good to remember
and nothing good that awaits

My love
Come back to me
Im sorry for
Running away in tears,
And I don't know what to expect.

If I talked to you,
Would you welcome me with open arms?
Would you say the same things you said before?
I know you don't love me anymore

Oh, my love,
It's the only thing I've ever wanted
And not having it leaves me haunted
Im turning into a sunflower, getting jaundice
Turning colorful, turning yellow

Getting sick and becoming mellow
Tell your lover I said "Hello"
I'll stay watching from my meadow
While you and her settle
Im blowing steam like a kettle
I'm so hot for you babe

My love
Please come back to me
I miss the snickering,
And the bickering
And the times you made me mad

But I remember the lying,
And the crying,
And the times you made me sad

But oh how I miss the good days,
The average days,
No they weren't so bad.

And yes, I am truly mad.

Because I still love you
And adore you
Like the time never passed.

I can't leave the past in the past,
Oh, please just come back.

i feel lost
i let it go
i want love
i let it go
i feel not enough
i let it go
i don't work hard
i let it go
i'm afraid
i let it go
i'm lonely
i let it go
i'm not sure if i should be doing this
i let it go

i am completely lost in life
i let it go

How can I love someone
Loud
Abusive
Annoying
Toxic

I *******
Hate her

We never tell each other
"I love you"
she pulls me in
She has no boundaries
Im sick and tired
Of her

She made my life
Really ******* hard
But I feel bad for her
Not being able to leave
This disgusting marriage
And giving birth to all of us

I hate my ******* family
I wish my dad would leave
Everyone assumes I dont have one
And that shes a single mother
But since this
******* ******* broke *** ***
Doesnt do **** but work
And come home and watch TV
She might as well be.

Because housework isnt work, right?
even though he gets a break,
And she doesnt,
Hes more "hardworking" than her.
******* *******.
My dad
Is a lazy
Selfish ******* *****
Just like my ******* ex,
Both of them never change.

She
Is
So
*******
Weird.

I hate who she is.
Shes disgusting.
But she is like that
Because of trauma

Just
Like
Me.

Elephant me
Elephant you
Elephant she,
Elephant you, who?

I'm the elephant in this room
In a cage

**** and blood
On the floor
Bang my head against the doors
Metal bars and peanut shells
For an elephant, it's a living hell.

Fleshy beasts
Sit and stare
I'm having a nightmare, I'm scared
I'm the elephant within this cage
Kids think I'm fluffy and that I don't rage.

No ***, no sleep,
This is how they keep me.
The drugs are the only thing that make me sleepy
But the humans are the only ones who are sleeping,
And other elephants are the only ones worth seeing

If I'm not reading, I'm too busy weeping
My blood, sweat, and tears, they keep cleaning

I'm too stressed out to start eating
And they whip me in the knees,
I'm a weakling.

Getting thin,
Growing old,
Iron's hot,
But I'm cold
Breathing in
Dust and mold
Party hat
Feeling bold

Elephant me
Elephant you
Elephant she,
Elephant you, too?

I'm an animal,
And a clown.
And my skin's not the only thing that's gray
And brown.

I look down
My heart pounds
I cant hear the sound, I'm deaf
And I can barely take a breath
Cause the air is thin like death
But I'm a wearing a pretty wreath


EYEBROWS
BRAIN COLLAPSE
FLASHING LIGHTS
BARS BENT
CANDY
FENTANYL
CIRCUMVENT
MONKEYS SCREAM
PEOPLE HAVE ***
M&MS
SYNONYMS
INDIVIDUALS
IDIOMS
IDIOTS
PENDULUMS
TIME SWINGING
GRANDFATHER CLOCK
SOMEDAY
I'LL BE FREE
A SUNDAY
MY ELEPHANT
MAN WITH ME
ONE KID
AND A BALLOON
ELEPHANT DEATH, SHE DIES TOO SOON
AMAZON
POSTERCARD
ELEPHANT STICKER BREAKS HER HEART
ELEPHANT MAN
ELEPHANT KIN
BRAIN TINY, SKIN TIN
ELEPHANT ME,
ELEPHANT YOU
ELEPHANT SHE
ELEPHANT TOO.

ELEPHANT FREE.

it feels strange
when i'm not deranged
the overwhelming peace
makes my body relaxed
and it feels nice
to live a peaceful life
but it's so weird
i'm used to
the constant flow
of overwhelming waters
not sure where to go
constantly crying
beaten by a void
but now i am akin
to a yogi in a warm cave
an egg yolk becoming a chick
to live a life of peace
feels kinda sick.

my whole life
flashes in my mind
the war is over
i'm just the aftermath

i'm just the victim
four years later
i'm just the blown up buildings
being reconstructed

i'm just
the starving kid
accepting that she'll never be fed

i'm just
a person
in a dark room
typing on a screen

i'm just
miserable
i'm just
angry

and i'm just
alone

i want you
to know who i am
i want you
to see my dripping colors
the melted rainbow inside me
i want you
to see my ugly red raw rage
my beautiful deep
blue love
my green forgiveness
and sympathy
my purple
rational thinking
my logic
feel my point of view
like a prism
and i want you
to hear my voice
when i sing
i want you to
listen to my songs
and i want
your real
opinion.

all i want is
to listen to music with you.

i feel like all the pain i held onto is releasing itself like a tight, sore, overworked muscle

I wanna take take care of you
I wanna share with you
all of my love
all of my joy

and touch your hair
look into your eyes
your skin so fair
I'm mesmerized

this feeling is a rush for me
I know that that is chemical
but really, it's the love for me
I am not bound physically

I'll love you when my *** drive is high
and till' I'm old and till I die'
I'll love you at my highs and lows
you're my best friend— you mean the most.

We see each other through
A glass wall
Its fragile,
I know it all
The things you did to me
The lies you said
And fake apologies
Messages unsent

Things left unsaid
Cause all you do is hurt me
You dont deserve me
You only desert me
And I lash out at you
For everything you did
But you know thats its true
I know what you hid

I know your secret

I know your lie

I know you seek

I know you spy

I know your pain

I know your weakness

It keeps me up at night

Nows the time
To seek me out
If youre thinking about it
Come see me now
Your name, I shout
Inside my head
Heres the green light
Just go ahead.

when you stare
pay attention
when you think
when you act

are you aware
of this dimension
into metaphysical reality

i feel it all
i live within duality
a know it all
and i know i get distracted

and i say lifes not fair
but i want to be proactive
because i really do care

even if its only for a moment
and i feel fear
and i feel empty,
and i shed tears

now is the moment
to think about the years
into the future
where i'll disappear

do you care?
if you really do care,
why don't you act?
and you say you do act,

why don't you try?
i know the lie
i know i live
in a completely separate life

musical symbols rumble me
my teeth grind to the beat
the words are made of astral magic
the sentences gently carry me off my feet
i'm light, and blight, the blight,
i'm an angel now, with a little crown
you squinted your eyes on me from afar
bang
. . .bloodlust and stars
lyrical dna being, playing like an instrument
that's just me and my being and my soul
i am a faint yellow and blue, i am a shadow
and these songs inside my head will take me somewhere
someday

two roads, a glistening ***** tan
in my dreams, my skin is white, a different avatar
a fair little angel of light and pixie dust
innocent, not full of lust
not like my dark real self
i'm not black, i'm all the colors
always an entity among others
feeling so scary, so lonely
cause they don't understand me
i wasn't met for this grassy outer space disc

lyrical dna being, playing like an instrument
that's just me and my being and my soul
i am a faint yellow and blue, i am a shadow
and these songs inside my head will take me somewhere
someday
i'll evaporate light speckled pure pixie in
a glass bottle to heaven
flowing my way to the top
through the golden milkly heaven oceans
turned to river and feel filled with love and distilled
into nothingness pure god form air
onto the rocky hill
and i'll heal

longing,
singsonging,
and not feeling
any belonging
no consequences
for any the wronging

not feeling belonging
always do the wrong thing
everything is song sing
tired of these long things
waiting for so long i linger
licking on my *******

always sing song but no singer

I genuinely hate you.

Always have the slight fear
that you're watching me
your prescense doesn't disappear

To me, your shy voice is clear
whispering inside my ear
I want you closer, I feel you near

I want your hands on my skin
I want to feel your gentle lips
I feel you strong deep within

Can't get a grip, I let it slip.
I crave your essence, I need a sip
Your love's a wire, I always trip

You are gone
You don't know I'm here
I think I'll get used to it

I used to be in love
I used to be connected to you
I'd wake up ready for your message
patiently waiting for you to get back to me
even though we were far away

welcome to the future world
where trees are gone and trash is abundant
squirrels, mice, rats, and birds dominate the wasteland
it smells like apocalypse.

the age of technology
has taken over
and while the poor suffer, fight, ****, rob, and ****,
the rich go to their fancy underground bunkers
having *** parties and eating fillet mignon.

we have no electricity, no food, no water
it's world war three
the power grid collapses
we're all gonna die
except the few
that warned us of this
and prepared
for the future world.

where animals die
and humans live
in an earth destroyed
nothing but slums
and ruins left
because rich men
..and women
plumaged the earth
of it's resources
to make and more more money
to farm souls
and turn everyone
info a lifeless bot.

glass shards in my bed
reflect my body and skin
make me bleed and itch
broken memories in my head

i will always love you
always forgive you
and never forget you

because you are my best friend

break the floorboards
and sink into
the salty deep
abyss

let the mouth of the earth
swallow you whole
you will learn
from the sink hole

lean into it
when it hurts
feel into it
when it burns

fall into it
when it shocks
let it come through
as you rock

lean into the misery
sink into the tears
grow into the gray
grind with the gears

get mashed
get trashed
and just bathe
you're a slave

to your perfection
natural selection
you crave
to lean into it

Does it break you
To imagine me
Crying all night
To make the pain stop?

I cried myself to sleep
And woke up depressed
Like a block on concrete
Upon my chest

I questioned God
And begged him to make it stop
I rotted away in my bed
I felt like I was dead

For months, I felt empty
And I couldnt eat
My whole body was numb
And my heart didn't beat

No one saved me
No one helped me
And it left a void in my chest
I keep trying to feel

Im detached from reality
And nothing is real
Theres gaps in my memory
Some parts are blank

I'm mentally ill
And have you to thank
You broke my heart
And broke my soul

You made me feel worthless
And I sacrificed myself
I ditched my own God
To worship you

I was unconscious
You destroyed me
And everyone thought
It was funny.

My moods are unstable
It took years to gain control
Like navigating an ocean
When your ship is full of holes

It all went to my head
It would painfully ring
When words couldn't be said,
The migraines would sing

I need you so bad
That I wanted to die
You make me so wet
And without you I'm dry

Without you I'm nothing
I'm simply your slave
I'm addicted to you
You're all that I crave

I let you abuse me
Until I lose my mind
And the monster within me
Developed within time.

I wanted to ****** you
With all of my heart
The light within me
Shadowed by the dark

I fantasized about it
Your blood on my hands
Your body an object
That I control

The light and the dark
Is what makes me whole
You ruined my life
You tortured my core

And now I don't know
Who I am anymore.
By going within,
By exploring the deep,

I know who I am.
Inside me it sleeps.
The person I am
Is you.

crickets
blood drippin'
hand grips
heavy epuipment

cause' i hit that blow
and he takes the fall
and i feel so slick
treading down the hall
i just take my pick
of all you sheep
it was written on the wall
while you were all asleep

i know him
i follow him
i haunt him
i want him

i am him
but i'm not him
i feel him
and i've got him

cause' it feels so good
when im in his mind
my villianous prescense
has him hypnotized
baby, I'm not your slave
so just save it
i don't know if this is man made,
but i'm a sadist
and no ones comin' to save me
pray to the god who made you

cause' it feels so good
cause' i hit that blow
and he takes the fall
and i feel so sick
treading down the hall
i just take my pick
of all you sheep
it was written on the wall
while you were all asleep

Anger is not real
Just a combustion
Of different colors
A bomb
Of pain
Sadness
Stress
Trauma
Bottled up
Emotions
Exploded
Inside me

All at once
And my anger
Tells the story
Of everything that came before
And put together the ragged boat
That hit tall spiky rocks
And drowned under tsunamis

The confusion
Emptiness
Loss
Trying to figure out
My way through life.

People tell me I'm mot,
But I am alone
When I am down,
No one will pick me up
No one will save me
When I am lost,
No one will find me
When I cry,
No one wipes my tears
When I am heartbroken,
No one will mend my heart
When I am alone,
No one will ease my solitude.
When I am at my worst,
No one will love me

That's how I feel about you
When you hurt me
When you lied to me
When you insulted me
When you used me
When you manipulated me
When you made fun of me
When you broke my heart
When you made all of it my fault
When you told all your friends
You were cutting me out of your life
When you called me a ******* monkey

And now you wanna be friends?

I have nothing left to feel
Theres no more tears to cry
I am always in a rut
Trying to carve my ******* way out
And I am angry

yeah I love you
you complete
with your harsh words
you defeat me
if i saw you
i'd fall to my knees
all in fear
i want to disappear
you're my everything
and for you
i'd do anything
i've done it all
babe, i've gone insane
you are godly
while i am inhumane

Can't say that I'm glad
that you don't know what we had,
is it something good or bad?
I find myself becoming mad.

In our past life, and in our future
I would've gave you so much more
since you wanna penny pinch with your heart,
I'll take nothing more.

Take me away,
from this terrible place,
can't understand how this is made of love
and I know we'll never make love.

now that I think about
I never felt comfortable
in my own skin
I think people
overreact to how dark I am

I'm blind
to my own skin color
cause when I look
at myself in the mirror
I see a thousand words
and I don't
see myself
and my image
feels like
a snapshot
it's an illusion

I'm not seen as a person
not really.
I am a lot of things
I am deep

I am so many words
that I'm indescribable.

And I am secret-
no one knows who I am

So please
don't invalidate me
when I tell you
that no one
loves me.

When she sleeps
When she is sick
I am the quiet angel
That cleans the mess
And takes care of her
And feeds her breakfast
Sometimes

I like when she doesnt let herself go
I like how she is when my dad is gone
She leaves me alone
Just how I want to be
Our relationship is broken
And we try to love each other
Through distant ways

With that housekeeper look
She is ugly
But when she is free
Like a dove in flight
She is beautiful.

I have a lot of hatred
But I have to heal my family

Even though all of this has been said
I do not forgive her.

your wild brown eyes meet mine
and your brown hair is so soft
and your skin is pale and feels like fabric
on top of me in a loft

i think about it constantly
have you ever though about what was lost?
you'll never feel tired with me
i bite my lip in glee

i wanna get wild
i wanna be free
as if i were a child
we're where we want to be

and it feels so good just
just as it should
you and me, intertwined
break my back and start to bend time

feels so good to rewind
back and forth, curved lines
i love your body and your skin
as without, so within

inside me it feels so good

i'm locked on you as i should

be

Id rather dig my grave and have a place to stay, rather than wandering around aimlessly
Someone please tell me what pill I can take
So I can die painlessly
I dont ever think ill heal from what you did,
Our love is a child that died young, and never got a chance to live

Hunger feels like emptiness
Is it in my stomach or in my soul?
Either way, id feel empty
The loneliness swallows me whole
Everything i have is worthless
Everything i want is far
You dont know you left me broken
Burning inside like a star
I wish i could **** myself
Just to stop feeling this pain
But ill just go to hell
And life after death would be the same

Id rather dig my grave and have a place to stay, rather than wandering around aimlessly
Someone please tell me what pill I can take
So I can die painlessly
I wish that i could be happy, and live life shamelessly
I dont ever think ill heal from what you did,
Our love is a child that died young, and never got a chance to live

Four years ago, I died
I've lived my life a lie
I felt inside my heart
an ever-loving guide
I prayed, and prayed for love
while looking up above
tears rolling down my eyes
I closed them as I cried

I begged and begged,
and when I lay my head to rest,
I wondered why
I was treated so much less
I kept looking up to the sky
a hole with emptiness
and I had no one else to rely,
and with nothing to hide

with my heart, I confessed. . .
you could say that I'm blessed
with all that I've lost
I've gained so much wisdom
but at what cost?
I don't think that it's worth it
I don't think that I'm happy
I understand my purpose;
I don't accept it gladly.

I've lost my religion
it wasn't my decision
after all, I guess I don't always value the truth.
but I've been through so much pain
to me, it is all in vain,
what was sacrificed of my youth.

happiness is not chemicals running through me

or lustful desires

happiness is simple

happiness is not hedonic

true happiness comes after a long day of work

when all those things on your to-do list is finally done

and you get to relax

I feel so happy

when you left me
i longed for you
every single day
as months passed by
and i cried
and mourned
i was torn
i was defeated
knowing you wouldnt come back
not wanting to believe it
i waited
and waited
and waited
everyday more painful than the last

and i choked on my grief
hope was all that was left
but i couldnt stand the belief
that you were gone

simple
a story told time and time again
a classic
a repetitive renaissance
of the same old thing
i'd like to break the boundary if this box.

killing it like a guillotine.
which is not contemporary at all

i'm a bird
i'm a gazelle
with eyes full of fear

I'm the ocean of tears
I've held back for so long

I am pain
I am loneliness

I can't live right
I'm a hermit
in this house

i'm a bird
trapped in a cage
too small for it

i'm a great mind
living in a swamp
of shallow people

i'm a black hole
shifting directions
every day

i'm trying to make it
even though i don't see a way out.

I was too young
for you
to be telling me
you loved me
when really
all you wanted
was a quick *******
and that girl
you cheated on me with..
you did love her
somewhat

but me
you never
gave
a single **** about me
you treated me like i was nothing
but a fly
perstering
you stupid
turmor filled
cancerous head
and 5 years later
i still hate you
just like i hated you
4 years ago.

i hold your image
inside of me
and burn it
inside my body
and i want you
to feel
all of my hatred
and all of my tears
i want you to feel
your burning image
like a witch
being burned
at the stake
i want you to burn too
i want us to both burn
you and i
are both in hell
and i'll never
let you escape
as long as i live
and i'll never let
any of your minions
escape your wrath
and even if i go down
i'm taking you with me
and i'm
never
ever
stopping
until
you
rot
and
die

i am still alive
and if i wasnt
you wouldnt know

i am that person you abused
i am that person you never loved or cared about
and i still exist
and i remember what you did to me
every single day

and if i did ever die
i would be at peace
because finally for once
i exist in a world
where you don't.

and i don't have to live
with your memories.

its making me sick
i feel so empty
i want to go back
to the time
before you murdered
who i was.

i lost my self
i lost my religion
i lost my life.

i lost you.

and when i was with you
that's when everything was perfect.

my life has been a downfall
i did not want to live anymore
but here i am
despite it all
not killing myself.

but the road ahead
is IMMENSE suffering.
it takes all my strength
to go on like this

living imperfectly

i am alive

and this sick,
nerve wracking,
perfectionism
is deeply rooted in me
like a ****.

i am living!
i am alive!

with a deep void inside myself
an internal hunger
oh god, why do i do it?!
it eats me up
its a black hole

so far
living life
has not been worth it

yet i fight
for no reason.

if i give up
what good would that do?

maybe
just maybe
i'll have the power
to make it perfect
all over again.