It was not an affair of the heart, or of the emotions. It was an affair of the body, an experience, an innate response to loneliness. I do not regret it, but sometimes I tell people I did. Mostly because they do not deserve to know how extraordinary it was. And mine it was.

you hold me up high on a pedestal-
your perfect gold shining trophy.
//
to you, the world has always been different tones of monochrome.

the sun was pale- almost white, but not quite.
the oceans were their own hue of gray- special and unique.

and when I befriended you, I took a variety of pigments
and started to paint a spectrum of light onto your canvas of reality.

you always gush to your friends and family about me-
how charismatic and lovely I am.

how I touched your icy grey eyes with my bright blue hands
and gifted you with a sense of sight.

and I'm honored, I promise I am.

but darling, there is vibrant yellow sunshine in your veins
and a purple haze in your mind.
there is stardust that shines brightly within you,
mixed right in there with your cherry-red blood.

there has always been color in your life.
but you never quite allowed yourself to see it.

I'm not anything extraordinary. but I hope that when you realize that,
you'll  keep the colors that I inked into your life.
//
and maybe, you'll keep me, too.

I am a ghost
In form and shape
And spirit and mind.

I am an empty shell
With nothing but hollowness inside
Nothing but hardness outside
I learn to live
And go through the motions of life
But

I am a ghost
In form and shape
And spirit and mind.

I think and live
And smile and cry
But I don't feel anything
Anymore.

Someone has left me this way
Killed me each time he said
"I don't want you anymore."

I've been killed a thousand times over
And

I am a ghost
In form and shape
And spirit and mind.

01:52 am
have you ever asked yourself like why you so lonely?*

01:53 am
or empty?

that maybe you give too much of your essence to people and never leave any of you for yourself

01:55 am
i know i do

02:05 am
and like that's maybe why i get so attached to humans

because in them,
i find myself

02:07 am
i need to change, because things shouldn't be this way

02:10 am
but it's hard sometimes you know, when most days you don't leave the house because you feel unworthy of the space you take up

02:16 am
so you'd much rather disintegrate into soil because you've become all too familiar with people stepping over you and admiring the outcome of your beauty but never the roots of your pain

02:19 am
i spend so much effort watering people in order for them to grow and hardly get enough sun shine to feed my own soul

02:25 am*
because i don't know how to do anything else but care for everyone but myself

My mom can't figure out why all the knives are getting dull