I am a coward,
But you wouldn't know that,
Because I am a coward.
Through my thoughts and words.

I am a coward,
Silent when I should've been loud;
I am a coward,
Doubtful when I should've been proud.

I shall bring shame to my family,
As some of them have brought mine;
I shall bring shame to those who surround me,
Those who said I shouldn't give up on the line.

I will be selfish,
I will be foolish,
I will be fiendish,
I will try to end it.

I have seen the ugly,
I have felt how ugly.
I have seen your sorrows;
Yet I have not faced mine.

Now I am a coward,
Keeping the things I should've said,
Nothing more than a coward,
A lost cause better dead.

Don't blame yourself,
When you come see my grave,
Put your fake face on the shelf,
For once don't be a knave.

For those I will leave grieving,
I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough;
Maybe you did start caring,
Started caring but not enough.

I am a coward.
Put none on faith,
All alone, a *******,
Alone and lost and frail.

I am a coward,
To let myself be conquered,
By sickness and my thoughts,
By circumstance and words.

I am a coward,
Without saying why;
I am a coward,
To leave without saying goodbye.

I am a coward,
To end abruptly my own strife,
I wish you would forgive me,
For giving up my life.

To those who see these words,
May my omen bring you a sign;
Don't be alone, or at least try;
Don't repeat what mistake have I.

I am a coward.
It took me so long to let you know.
I am a coward.
Hopefully this goodbye isn't just for show.

All I wanted
Was to be the blue crayon.
But they said
That I could not.
Because they were painting sunsets
They were painting the moonlight.
They wanted me to be red.
They wanted me to be orange.
They even said I could be yellow.
But no blue.

I said that the blue crayon
Is in the box for a reason.
And I will take up that cause.
Because you just want to draw moments.
I want to highlight seasons.
Because every day needs my color
It is most of the time
So it should be most of the page.
Although every day ends with your colors
Every day starts with mine.
And my blue essence only grows as time goes on.

Two doors down
from a bar
two people,
strangers to me,
sit in a doorway
up on sixth street;
Wearing winter caps,
winter coats,
even though,
I’m sure they know
it isn’t winter yet,
but it’s so cold.
They have each other
as they sit in separate chairs
leaning together.
I wanted to give them
a dollar or some food
but they are sleeping
and I know how hard
it is to get good sleep
in this life.

If I told you they
were children
would you care?

If I told you
they were women
would you care?

If I told you they
were white men
again would
you care?

If I told you
they were black
brown skin
would it matter
At all?    

If I told you
at one time
over fifteen years ago
I slept on a couch
in a hallway
in a building
with cracked
and shattered glass
windows that
let cold winds in.
Cuddling next
to my oldest friend
one head poking out
at each end
from under the thick
sleeping bag I had.
Fully loaded for winter,
except between us
we only had one ski mask
and one pair of gloves,
so we switched off and on.

If I told you what was wrong
so you could find what’s right
how our lives our deeply intertwined
and that this soap box is yours
as much as it is mine?

Would you take the time to see
and help the myriad of yous and mes
that are still suffering,
no matter what they look like?

I stared out the window
My brain, completely disengaged
No thoughts, no emotions
But a war was being waged

I could not move or even think
Stood lifeless, as I gazed
But, inside my brain
This awful darkness blazed

Outside the window, light
It seemed so warm and pure
Still, inside my head
A madness did me lure

I could not raise my voice
Could not, say a word
That evil’s lock on me
Seemed to be assured

But then an angel’s voice
So sweetly to me said
Come with me my dear
And let us go to bed
BOEMS BY JA 583      
FOR MY WIFE