i don't want to be your friend i want to kiss your lips

Anyone can leave your mind, but your heart . . .

this heartbreak isn't textbook. it isn't like those movies, or those books, or anyone's anything. bracing yourself for impact is an impossibility. nothing - and listen to me when I say nothing - can prepare you for this pain. you begin to miss everything. everything you thought you'd never miss: his obnoxious little brother and his father playing guitar too loud and the way his mother said the word "vegetables" and never having enough room to sleep. now I don't think I could get close enough to you if I tired. the closest I am getting to you these days is when your sign is next to my sign in a horoscope. and I know you don't believe in those but this is the only hope I have left. the barnum statements of romance hold no weight until I am told that we are perfect for each other. do you believe in alternate universes? maybe in another world we are happy together, eating popsicles and sharing sticky kisses. the truth is this poem is wearing on me. I'm tired of discussing the possibility of there being another you and another me together happy on a somewhere else far away. I am tired of writing the I miss you poem. I am tired.

note: I will continue to write the I miss you poem until my fingers break.

I thought to myself why we couldn't be friends
It isn't because you can't be friends with an ex
It isn't because I still love you or you still love me
It isn't because we haven't moved on
It isn't because we're both depressed and think we are both better off
It isn't because I miss you, my best friend
It isn't because the memories flood back every now and then
It isn't because you want to leave reality
It isn't because I have too much to worry about besides the ghost of you
It's simply because sometimes when people grow, they grow apart
But we are both withering and worse off
So tell me again, why can't we be friends?

isn't any reaction better than no reaction at all?
isn't feeling something better than feeling nothing at all?

I so badly seek approval from friends teachers and coaches because I don't feel the approval from my family

It's been one month since my last letter.
This month, I did not think of you, I really succeeded that.
Sure there is still certain things which reminds me of you, some songs, but I succeeded.

Your name leave no more that bitter taste in my mouth,
It doesn't play in repeat for hours in my head,
Your voice is a distant memory and your perfume is forgotten.
I still think of you sometimes, but it's different now, i am cured of you.

One day you will understand that I was made for you,
That I would have made you happy,
I would have give you everything of me, even  my soul.

One day you will regret,
You will think of it, vaguely, that it would have work, if you tried.

Depression and anxiety is a flaw in chemistry
**Not in character

You laid on a towel, eyes glued to a screen
That phone was more interesting than me,
And you missed so much because of it
You missed the ducklings that swam by
Missed the giant pelican that landed on the cypress tree
You missed the way the current changed with the wind
You missed the croaks of the alligators
Missed the sounds of acoustic guitar and James Taylor
You missed the way the sun light hit my hair
You missed my brown eyes trying to find yours
You missed the conversations we could have had
You missed the tiny moments that make a memory
You'll remember a boring day or texting someone else
But I'll remember the birds, the music, the water, the smells
I'll remember the conversations in my head
And I'll remember how you weren't a part of it