i  listen to him while i smoke a cigarette
peaceful morning while he tells me his regrets
but that's why we're all here right?
regrets, drugs, addiction, the tempting night?
he talks about his wife and i listen
i miss being numb. his forehead glistens
i watch the smoke rise and disperse
i stop listening. i start to think about the universe
i think i'm a narcissist

A long inhale, and nicotine
brings me the numb that I
so desperately need.

Sometimes, I have to
feel my own heartbeat, just to
remind myself that I am alive.

I often have to think about breathing
so that I remember to
keep myself going.

If not for me, the most
definitely for him.

Even though I am a vile creature
full of hatred and self loathing
I could never bring myself to hurt you.

Even If i tied
The strongest chains
To everyone I have ever loved
Everyone who I have let in and told them "you belong here"
Eventually the chains would break
And I would lose them
We aren't meant to be kept
We are meant to love, and be loved
And then, vanish.

I know
You care about me
10 more people do
Yet I can't get rid
Of this feeling
Of doom

I know
I have you
10 more people too
Yet I can't find a person
To talk to
late at night