Syddy Raye

Syddy Raye Mar 2014

Darkness is surrounding....
So many people, its crowding....
I hate them all....
I can't wait until I fall....
Never left alone!
Always watched and labeled...
Like a storybook character, I am fabled....
I can't take this much longer....
And no, I'm not getting stronger....
I fail at every turn....
For love and affection I urn....
Boys and girls....
Drugs that in my visions, create swirls....
Alcohol that softens the blows....
Skin that surely shows....
I can't hide this forever....
But will I tell....Never....

Syddy Raye Mar 2014

Thank You

Thank you for reading
Thank you for making my writing seem special
Thank you for not giving up

Syddy Raye Mar 2014

I Will Win

They want me to break
They wawnt me to fall
To cry
To lose

I will not break
I will not fall
Will not cry
Will not lose

I will stay whole
I will catch myself before I fall
I will be strong
I will win

Syddy Raye Mar 2014

Labels

*****.
A name given to me for holding the hand of my best friend.
*****.
A shout from the cround of people who don't know me.
Emo.
A snicker from a table of popular people.
****.
From the girl who wants my boyfriend.
*****.
Because I stood up for myself.
Goth.
Because I wore black.
****.
I like boys and girls.
Witch.
A name recieved when I pretended to cast a spell on someone.
Vampire.
I'm always cold and dress dark.
Scene.
They think I am happy.
Wannabe.
What they should label themselves.
Loser.
How they make me feel.
Uncool.
Who they make me out to be.
Different.
Who I am.

Syddy Raye Mar 2014

Suicidal Thoughts

Contemplating suicidal thoughts
Making plans
Setting locations
Not caring what happens
Broken
Hurt
Alone
Words that ran through my head
A broken record of past events
Events that killed me inside
Ripped me to shreads
Discarded my carcass
And left me
Remembering last words of those who hate me
Words that haugnt my thoughts
Stalk my actions
Break my soul
People who caused me so much misery
Can rest easy now
Free of a burden
Free of me
A light shines through
My thoughts soften
My actions cease
I hold my head up
My heart pounds
I felt the warmth
I stand strong
Feel my saddness melt
My emotions concentrate on one thing
people who do care
I'm not alone
I never was
I have people who care
When I break
When I cry
When I fall
They soothe me
Pick me up
Make me believe I will be alright
People who love me
Want me here
Need me here
Friends who would miss me
Cry when I left
Die when I was gone
Family who loves me
Cares for me
Won't let me go
I stand
Letting go
Letting go of my enimies
Of their hate
Their problems
I stand
Proud of myself
Alive and well

I wrote this on the verge of leaving my heavy depressive state.

#sad #depression #depressed #happy #enlightenment #turnaround

Syddy Raye Mar 2014

I Am Who I Am

I am who I am
No one, not even you
Will ever change me
Can't you just let me be free?
Let me make my own desisions?
Even if you disagree
My decisions still make me
Who I am
I am who I am
Those who mock me
Call me names
Spit on my future
Someday it will come back to you
Karma, she'll find you
So, let me be me
Stop pestering what you dont understand
Stop making eveything I do seem wrong
Stop making it all my fault
Its your fault
If you would just leave me alone
Stop harrassing me
Stop following me and hurting me
Everything would go away
Everything would stop
You would be you
and I would be me
I am who I am
And nothings going to change that

Syddy Raye Mar 2014

Once

I can't be random and happy
When all I feel is pain
I can't even hide my tears on rain
Nothing I do is sappy
My secrets are only secrets to me
To everyone else, there known as free
I didn't want them to know
I didn't want anyone to know
The horror and distraught expression my face will show
I've told them to leave me alone
I've told them, No!
There taunts and unreasonable torchering make me more prone
I can't take this much longer
Each blow isn't making me any stronger
They say **** it up
They tell me to be strong
Well they should shut up
Don't they know what they're doing is wrong?
I won't say I hate them
Then I would be just as bad
They have themselves to blame
For the life I once had

#suicide #sad #suicidal #enough #emo