Winds pressing upon the window seal,
Remind me of my Gravity Mr. Zeal.
Calm rain drops hit my unworthy Lips
Thoughts of drowning tonight never felt so real
It takes me back to the Man of God Noah's ark it was so real
I can see it but I can't feel
It was so still after you past Harvey as we watched you like a big Deal cause it was so real.
Without a dry spot on the ground I sit here thanking and asking God to bear with the Loved ones who lost ones for I know it wasn't your will for any to perish.
But dead couldn't exit a better way for there is no better day to die
Am I ready no I'm not looking for anyone to die today but who can say it won't be us tomorrow or any day ..? Who can know the day ?

Was it suppose to go this way
Was I suppose to be there when you left me ?
Was I suppose let change change me ?
Different thoughts everyday and yet haven’t seen it
I forgot what I was looking for when I look in your direction.

I am the one
That made you cry
I am him
That made you lie
You fantasied
You want my sky
You want my clouds
You want to fly
You took a pill
Then hop on a plane
To come and find
I am the rain I’ll make you reign.
You okie , I’m okay
Make a right , I’m alright.
Are you down to ride ?
Smell my scent and my life
You can but deny
I am him
I am him
The one you despise
The one you like.

Now I’m sinking in my seat
Acting casual I can’t breath
The place where we met a year ago here we are strangers face to face
The careless words you say
The smile that you give is the icing on the cake!
And here I am praying you give me another shot
But I didn’t mean you would take the same bullet and shoot
Now I’m bleeding on “16 miles you walked for me that was dumb”
Then it hit me I gave my everything already I gave my life
And I look down at the wound and seen there was no blood coming out cause I gave you my life and you already killed me
I don’t think you know how much love goes
I don’t think you understand what love is
I dont think so
And here now that I’m sinking in my seat I feel real for the very first time when you said you have a bf..
And yet you wanted to chill with me just to tell me all this hurtful things.
I’m not dead but not alive man this is strange

It's colder then sweaters and jackets.
My feet drifts from where I love to be cause the wind has become a yell more then a sweet whisper.
I wear words that are not mine just to hear another person speak,
What I say is so..so..soo weak..
My displine fails me and my mind leaks dreams of what's to come as most I lay in a pool of keys but don't know where the door is to exit..well Me..

I look to the heavens of a God or religion or a diety.
For me Hes a God where does my help come from? My help comes from The Lord the maker of heaven and earth.

You don't feel it?
If you don't ask your self

"what am I missing"?

-pool full of keys with no exit,
Maybe the key is you..

I can still feel the coziness till this day
How you wrap yourself around me was magical
How the way you would lay with me and never ask nothing from me,
When it was Cold outside you never let me cold like that.
Until the day came where I couldn't find you
I can't find you no where!
Where did you go my friend
You will always be missed.

Love, Stephen

P.S. Mom can't find you either I guess I left you at school I'm sorry black Nike sweater."

Times still running,
And my mind still running.
But my bad I just can't help it.
To stop and breath and look up
Oh my bad I just can't help it..
I walk every where now cause I know I'm one step away from who I'm supose to be.
Oh my bad I just can't help it..
To sit and listen to you cause I don't know when I'll be back but if I got a back I'll be back to listen and sit.
Oh my bad I just can't help it...
When I'm alone and the tears I cry is out of Joy cause he's still breathing
Oh MY FRIEND I JUST  CANT HELP IT..
Oh my love I just can't help it
Oh mom I just can't help it
Oh Daddy I just can't help it
Oh Ryan I just can't help it
Oh fallen Acon I just can't help it...

Oh reader my bad my smile shows everytime I walk it let's me know that its possible to be sitting with you.

When it got so complicated?
I don't know..I don't .....know
Never use to be this complicated
Maybe I should take it slow...

I don't know what to say
I don't know what to say
Please do not leave
Please do not leave me today

Is this a Fantasy...land.
I don't think I know where I am,
Then again...who really knows.

Where are we?
Where am I?
Feels like the door is open and I can walk out of my soul..
Seems like the only wisdom and security is where ever your spirit goes...
Looks like I'm never going back to who was cause my feet is subject to right.. I ... Love ... You.

But if I was being real Is this a Fantasy...land.
I don't think I know where I am,
Then again...who really knows?

Hold the key to my life unlock what I need more then what I know, closed gently those things that I run to when things become wrong.. If I thought bout it ...

"Your my key lead the way to what is you, lead me home".




Amen

Tethk me how I feel I feel great
Help me I can't see straigt

It’s complicated but it’s who I am,
I’m complicated and I know I am.
It’s not my name like Will I am,
It’s just a stage where I perform myself.

As the audience clap
and my mind gives me back
so I can stop the day dreams
Im in the sun with no hat,
I watch the grass turn green
And feel my innocence snap
Saying
“Get back to work there ain’t no time for all of that”.

So I’m glad you’re not me,
And I’m glad you’re not that
Even though everyone has demons in them
I’ll keep the love on for you
If you keep your patience on for that.

I wanna be the one you call with your momma,
I want you to be mad at me because I didn't come over.
Want you to kiss me when you see him,
And smile with butterflies in your stomach.
Get closer when there's thunder
Hold me when it's raining.
Tell me what happen as you sit up on the counter.
Look down so I can put my hand on your chin and watch you fall in love with me over and over.
Lay on me and count my fingers,
You know me so well you kiss my cheek with no problem.

See..
We don't have to act like you don't wanna,
I play in your hair as I make your mind wonder
Text me and call me with morning text and "what are you doing".

..I've just been thinking of things I would do if I had you as my lover."

Would let me take care of you ?
And do only things that only best friends can.
Would you let me wash your hair?
Can I breakfast sometime?
I mean we can just hangout go to a movie sometime... oooooohhh I give up!!!
Because to me that will be good
Nothing's greater then we do cause they can't measure up to my love.
Sense we measured what we hate about us...
Let's just put on cheap make up
It will be fun.

I wonder sometimes about the former friends
Then I look at you and I don't want you to be a former friend.
I never want you to get unexcited when I come.
Or slowly don't text don't call no more "hey let's hangout friend".

Yes I'm scared if you leave me for another friend.
That's why when they chill I stay distant or over talk you to act like there funnier then you.

I only write this cause you do it to me
You make me feel bigger in something's but smaller in others.

I sound weird but your awkward
Dang if you leave that's a ******..

Is he worth it I'm still trying to find out,
I was going to do alot metaphors and rhyme but no I think telling the truth is suitable for the accusations...
I mean the acaustion.
When you let me lead instead of promoting my past like sane of attention?

My heart is like the sun and my mind is like the sea,
Drifting to and fro and yet my roots are solid deep.
Can’t trip over assumptions I rather let you get your sleep,
I look my fears right in there face
I can’t be lying threw my teeth
Cause my love is like pearl or a diamond that’s cut precise
I chip those things that make me them and shine those things that will make you mine.
So it’s rare for you to see
Just keep close you will be alright.
All the toxic things that’s in me I left it at the door tonight.
I hope you understand in my presence your trees,your garden, your smile those hidden things you keep from me will all flourish and come to life.

So don’t be affraid if I look threw your lies and heart ache and reach for what’s really inside.

It’s my superpower to stay until you grow but staying here and holding you... it’s just my liberal  right.

I know it's hard
The tears they flow
The pain it hurt
Nobody knows
You wanna quit
The winning towel
Just hold on it's the last hour.

I can't lie
I was fine
But I'm a mine
Ready to explode in minds
I hate to be a lie
But I lie to a guy I can't lie to my wife but where is she?!
Till then I like what I like and okay I lied I'm not fine...

I just don't get it
Oh wait I get it
No wait!!!
What you mean I don't need you??!!
I don't ..
I mean I do...!!!
Stop your going to fast
Well fine pack your stuff
I can finally get you out my head.
What's what...that
Just some pills I take what's it matter to you
Why are you still here!!
Aghhhhhhhh
I can scream if I wannt
Well shut uuuuup !!!!!!!
Stop just stoooop everything!!!!!
Ima be alright
Will I be alright oh yeah I'm fine
I'm fine  I'm fine
I'm finnnne!!!
Do you here those voices??!!!
They won't!!!!!
...Leave


.........hello?

The sun is getting tangled in the blinds,
I still cover my head cause the light is shining in my mind.
Tried to drink it off but the silence is wine
The floor is up so I’m getting caught in the times...
The clock on the wall or the ceiling fan
My eyes are spinning man
I’ve been thinking too much

I'm missing you I can't lie.
When you know where there house is but you don't even try.
They grew up right infront of your eyes.
Something I'll cherish for the rest of my life.
Seeing pictures of you brother I smile even when I'm not by your side.
I pray for you now to our God in the Sky, I have to be about his business so if I don't see you no more just focus on Christ.

Your handshakes are wanted
But your smile is much needed
I take trust joy and loyal over feelings.

My  house is the one by the water
And the fence with white gates.
Let my cat be my daughter and my friends come when I take half an hour just to get the shower because the hot water is great.

My producer blowing up my phone cause he said that I'm late, throw my skinnies on and muslce shirt and  I break.
Drive the speed limit cause God is the only one that I chase, when I make it he say " you got a interview with the A... He hands me my paycheck and says "I'll see you at 8"...

My brother Ryan text me and say "R U Ok" and I look up and then back at the mic and text "hey ..We made it!!!
"I'm coming pick you up okay."

Then he say "I'm already on my way!"

Man I can't wait for this day and this will be one of my days one of these days soon

I'm scared of what might happen,
The fog of a brainless action.
The fear of you leaving me and so I do extra..
I don't know no more...guess I need to back up.
You know I love you right?

There riddles to the future
It makes sense when your there...

Some go on with there day,
Some sit and stop and reflect on the dream
But I .....
I wanna know the source.
The source...
Tell me....tell me now!!! Is there a God I can't see or is it the after life communicating with me?

Both telling me something while thoughs go around what they saw
I been laying awake for a reason
I been hearing a call from something that's not there.
Well what about heaven
Well what's with these witnesses
Have I lost my intelligence
I believe I'm.....walking in somebodies dream again.
Do anybody here me!!!!
Can anybody recognize
Your dreams are real there in this life but camouflaged.

I love the way you treat me
I love you the way you see me
Im so imperfect even my autocorrect seems to easily be wrong by talking
But you show me a better me
I guess opposites attract when I finally see it your way.

My scars are getting better or maybe it’s just I’m ignoring them
My coats are getting furry or maybe it’s just my type.
The friends I had to bury for leaving me on read
I use to eat the little love they gave now I eat up there apologies instead.
what a monster I have become
You should see the dragon that’s roaming in my head

Ricky, josh, bobby,chad
Joseph,Caleb ...Dad
These are names of my best friends.
Threw the years the fade to side and most cared good laughs with empty bags.
Even when I was bad the thought of y'all takes sometime to wipe my mind up from the crash,
When my pillow and brain collapse, these thoughts get so in ti mate until my eyes get stuck on memory then I blink and my eyebrows dash to the front of my forehead just get my focus off the past.
The new will become old and I wonder where I will be after this has pass, but while I have the names with me I will love laugh and hold on until I can't.

I should of been further then this,
23 with no college 23 with no scholarships
23 with no problems 23 with no honors and little kids.
Little me's just loving it
Little me's just love life...
I gotta dog but not a wife
And Cat but nothing to drive.

I'm ready to live I'm ready to live life,
Make a city or make a basketball courts
Visit a hospital as one of the kids know my name and I see them smilecjustvby I'm there
Head home with a car with two and one kid idk
Or see 2 naked guys waiting for me that leaves in the mornin while I get a DM  from my his friend telling me to come thru and play paintball or something!!
Getting up and having my own pool in the back

Oh, Finally Got you right here..
Tonight i'll Ease your mind,
My hands around the Fire.
Oh, sharp your love desire
it's hard to stay away
the purist Lust just bleeds threw.

In the Morning i can't get you off my hands,
In the Evening i sit and wait for you like the sunset between the clouds.
At night I'm Him.. the one who's eyes burn with passion
knocking down Boarders that hold nothing but water if you ask him
look threw the curtains the smile and Glasses..
You will find me,
Behold for i can be what you want.
Point blank simple

Can I be honest
Can I speak the truth
Talking to wonderful
Like life ain't been wonderful
What I thought and what I had is becoming uncomfortable.
Have you  ever tried to get what you can't get?
Or when you think you was doing it right feels like Ive flipped..
Doing what I need to do without no money how am I surviving?
Wonderful just Wonderful
All Praises goes to Him

I'm not trying to sound depressed.
I'm not trying to sound ******
I'm not trying to sound like a monster.
I'm not trying to sound like I messed up.
..wait....yes I am

Is you ready
Are they ready tell me
Are you ready

Hay my love this is why I'm here for I'm ready,
Are you downtown or in town in ready.
When the music comes and the man you see ain't there just know I was ready.
When the the interviews  and the performances hold weight till I lay down I'll tell them I was ready.

When that car is in his lot and I've been waiting for this moment I'll look up and thank him.. And say "guide me I'm ready".

And when the  world look like they gave up in me, and I keep going putting hours in the studio the song will come and it will be called "im ready".

But in all this when the sky splits and hell departs there gates I'll look up and say Ill be ready..

Just know whatever you wanna do just know I'm already ready.

Witches are there spells
Like liars are there tales

I can't lie to you and I can't decieve.
Casting my lying words on you can't even reach my tongue to speak.

Over every word I know one day I will behold the weight of a my tongue like cold dripping rain running threw my tears as I have prayed and said forgive me each day.

My body is dying everyday the breath I breath is the only thing that secure the intimate part of me...
..like underwear.

Under the wretched man I be,
I run so far away just to see I wanna be closer then blood in vains...

Crucify the earth that's in me,
I'll suffer for the Glory that made me..
I will Sacrifice the things that chains me.
Hell is coming only because heaven is descending
Renewing my mind cause I'm waiting to see you.
My demons tell me he's not coming for you and he can't save you!
And I look back at them and say
"Revelation 22 :4 The Lord rebuke you."

Without you there's no real love,
Pleasures Good but it kills trust

It's like my joy can't come in cause..
Happiness in this world is for a minute when joy is everlasting will I make it God?!

Oh my life slipping fast into my rust
I got time but there's no time to waste
I'm not blind because your glories face
This deception how come it wants me to take?
When there's inception in this lonely place
Repentance is the great escape.
And conviction ...I just  hold tight....
Cause tonight can be our last night
Lord forgive me...guide me I need your light.

In a pool of *****
calculate the dreamers
the fallen angels that hate children
its temptation yet its agreement.
Can't stay off ceilings
the Demons don't haunt they scream it,
then you come to suffocate anything thats breathin
as you pack off my kid
i'm left in the darkness thinking..
thinking
thinking
I pray to a Light in the sky
to a Power thats Perfect
repentance in my eyes
in my heart i do not disguise the Love i have for the fire in the sky..
that's maybe why they come at night screaming,
thinking
thinking
my strength don't come from
incubus your snares don't  hurt anymore
I will die in purity
so will my kids you stole from me
He's coming for them
Hes coming

I hate to put myself up in a light where men can see.
Because I know I fell God each in everyday.
I try to get it right with every breath I take.
Still I lay down with another imperfect thought that I try to break.
I hate this....

Dancing in places that will soak up my face.
The tears won't come down cause I cleared the whole place.
With a word that will sit with silence and stop my brain..
That let the dark enter but only when I say.
It will let the moon come close and the stars look far away.
Where gravity pulls me to my knees as I lose my steps.
Harp plays in the background and the Piano leaves outta know where as the tears come in to rest.

Here I am on my knees saying " I need help"

The stars only reflect something that's greater then there shine.
My love burns brighter when  I know where it comes from.

There must be a cheat sheet
There's gotta be a clue
Is there book on Y.I.Luv.U?

There have to be a problem
There have to be something wrong
Can I fix this problem of "thinking about you ?..umm.

Man I need some answers,
To all my questions!


What if ..Why do I love you is a clue because thinking of you  is my problem wait are you answering my questions?!

Okay okay okay calm down Steve
There's no one there
But I could of swore I heard..Na maybe it was just a bird.
But I still feel like there's someone thar..
I mean there.

Well if you're there Why Do you care?
No wait why do I care
Who ....

Hello?
From the outside !! Lol HAHaha okie okie.. Oh
Wait

(Phone rings)
"Aye Steve are u coming to church today then after we're hooping?"

Sure bro
Okie
..no you hang up ..no you hang.. Ohh okie well.

I'm here. Bruuuuuhhh what is that??
Ugh okie ur getting on my nerves!!

Who are you..

Could it be you calling me down
Dressed in wax when I heard the sound
Zeal! The wax of my ears jumped and my heart pound..
Like a dog in the dog pound looking at a old master that familiar word of mouth
I'm asking for too much now
What is up must come down
And your voice that old familiar sound
Like raised eyebrows
Excited for the moment
For the moment
The moment..
Moment?
Our moment is gone as I scrolled down your picture was old news But I love the moment
Such a familarface gone wrong
*scrolls down

Stars are rolling away like it's my heart
Earthquakes cause I broken yours is too late the night is grown I'm calling in.
Too much times you told me I've been praying threw times you showed me don't be mad remember mercy like it's tsunamis after math.
Meet you pass the moon the Dragon lies and what humans do I'm walking threw the stars and what has made you gag...
Heavens calling back I don't know why gravity has my back I'm backing on iPhone tabs and annoited hands I just want to be one minded normal man.

Snow reminds me of home,
I have to remind myself I'm not alone.

In the end we all die
And you tell me live it up but I was born to fly.
No metaphors no wings you were my smile and I was your dreams.
God placed people here.
you and me to make Us..together with different genes.
So when I point at you and say i want you to be with me.
That means what it means I'm no guarenteed, but your perfect to me still I run for the high calling.
maybe not that fast but I say this my Love I'm picking up speed !!
At the end I will be with you and you me.

Fast life in the fast lane I got the fast car and the novacane cause it makes me sane kinda insane when I think to much when the cash came and the bodies drop and there faces dang I can’t sleep much I put it on my gang I really hated gangs but now I’m stuck in foreign chain with a foreign whip in a zeta trade most is tatted up but they come to **** me up and they love to aim aand they love to aim and I’m ashamed cause they love to aim and they love to aim and there’s so many bodies and now I’m stuck in the fast lane in a Zeta gang and love to **** but there acting tuff and they let me **** and they love to aim And I’m...
Scared ... of my own self and I laugh it off and the drugs are wearing off and there faces dang how many people I killed today

I keep trying to find a life on my own apart from you.

I am the king of excuses, I got one for every selfish thing I do.

What's going on inside of me, I despise my own behavior.

The disease it self runs threw my blood it's a cancer fatal to my soul.

Every damnation has been my own wealth, to bring your resurrection I live.

I wanna be in the light as you are in the light I wanna shine like the stars in the heavens oh lord be my light and my salvation cages all I want to be is in the light .

Digging has to be Precise,
After all this work minus well get it right
Over him I should just hit it right
And while I’m down minus well let the tears come out tonight.
Everything don’t have to deep
Everything don’t have to be about me
If you are my everything  then the process of learning you is understanding me.
Intimacy
Emotionally
Evidently
You are one of the best in my life...
And even though I am not perfect like you
Well I guess you’re the better half of me.

This world I built
This world we built

Without you here it feels fake...
Lost between dust and stains
I feel ...out of place.

A square looking at all the shapes and yet I stay and try to fit in the columns of your brain.

You’re thinking again ... cause I can see the clouds form and take shape..

As I turn to the storm in you’re heart
And the raindrops on your face.

I hold you close threw the Rainbows I am about to make.

I don't know anymore
I don't know
I don't know anymore
I don't know
It hurt so bad before
I don't know
It feels like I'm numb to the core
I don't know
I'm giving up the things I wanted before
I don't know
Why can't I shake this off and move on out the door
I don't know
They will hate me if I do they will hate me if I don't
I just don't know
Do my friend even wanna see me anymore I don't know
Do even have friends
I don't know
Do friends exist
I don't know
Am I hurt no
I just don't know
Am I happy
I don't know
Help me

Here I am and there i go
to be the king of the hill one day it only takes one person to push you off.
I don't understand life when it comes to this
How can a friend  become your nemesis?
I'm trying but i just can't see the love in this and yet i go just to see how i can stay on that hill again.
It's already dead when your finding out the evidence,
forget what i said when i said " I'll do this again".....
THEY DON'T WANT TO TALK WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO BE MY IRRELEVANCE?!

....It hurts to know that they don't really care about even when they care about you my friend.

..I just don't get it