"How can she be so awful Then walk around almost proud?" I say to myself but out loud While the only thing around Is this lingering black cloud So did I even make a sound?
The only thing one tends to see Is the person I don't want to be Silly me Obviously The fruit has spoiled on this tree Despite me Or in spite of me I keep coming back but leave empty Mostly disappointment only Ignoring the warning from the Canary I can't stand steady Amongst a broken levee I don't have the energy To be angry Or for that matter, happy Both weigh far too heavy Forced to take a knee Taken from me Is the thought of ever being free Of me Not even a possible maybe My full name and bio in permanent ink on generic stationary There's no further in front of me That's what's really scary Trust me
You want me to remember Everything you've ever said While you sit there and pretend Our issues only come from one end
I need you to remember Everything you've ever said I will not defend Just because you said it instead
From January on through December I warn I'm seeing red The monsters under the bed Fear the ones inside my head
I try to be clever Struggling to keep one step ahead Of those oh so familiar thoughts of dread And write my feelings in poems you've never read ...although They only contain everything I've already said
The words build up inside like a tumor, Ignorance will make them mean— Spare my heart / spare my lungs The song 'What If' is on repeat. Regrets of the past / fears of the future / anxiety of the present A tumor never leaves— Healing is temporary. Coughing up blood / letters interlaced in red It’s a disease to keep it inside, It’s a curse to let them fly— I must write outside of my skin.