Flowers.
Letters.
Gifts.
Old photos.
Tears.
Lots of tears.
I've been to my own funeral.
I felt the love of those closest to me.
It was comforting.
I felt the regret of hurting them.
It was suffocating.
It left me translucent.
A ghost girl.
I wasn't dead,
But I might've well as been.
I drifted.
I haunted those that once knew me.
The most unsteady week of my life.
Now, through some sort of necromancy, I'm being resurrected.
Piece by piece, I'm coming back.
And I'll do everything I can to distract.
Try to make them forget that I am a zombie.

Having people who understand is new for me
There are people in my life who care about how I feel
It's odd, it makes the bad days not so bad when someone is aware
Life seems easy when with people who are there to help you heal

But I'm learning every blessing comes with a burden
And we all know that out of the two, I was never the blessing
This gift that I have cherished so much is just hidden poison
I see now this bond is bound to hurt one of us as I'm reassessing

I wish I didn't always see, but time and time again I realize
All I do in your lives is break and burden and continue disjoint
Because though I love you and I wish I could feel safe in that fact
Life was so much easier when I didn't have people to disappoint.

I want you to know that it’s not what you think.
I know it seems like I’m not even trying.
I know you think I’ve given up.
I know I don’t seem like I’m fighting.
But sweetheart if you could see inside of me, you’d see her.
Someone trying to claw her way out
Someone at war with her demons
Someone screaming for help
Someone who has been doing this for awhile
Someone who is running out of strength.
So tell her she’s weak.
Because she already knows it to be true.
She knows she is fighting a battle she’s losing.
So you tell me who’s given up
After you’ve spent a day where even breathing takes the life out of you.

Walking down a sunny road
Ground is soft, mind is free
Then rumbling underneath my feet
Splitting earth is all I see
Slipping
Gasp and try to catch myself
Losing balance, losing grip
Teeter over widening chasms
Keep footing, ignore fear, refuse to tip
Reaching
Stretching out my hands
Catching only air
Praying the wind will pull me up
No one saving me, no one there
Grasping
Clawing at the road
As it's being whisked away
Gravity latches on my ankles
Drags me down, losing sight of day
Falling
Head pounds, ears pop
Start so high, tumble so low
Scratching hands on canyon walls
Land with a thud and nowhere to go
Climbing
I’ve got to try to climb out
But I’ve forgotten how to breathe
Pull your seams together as they split
Begin to realize that you’ll never leave
Quitting
Slump against the wall
Were you really ever up there
Let it sink in, there is now way out
Know you are stuck and try not to care

I'm eroding away.
Life beats me and batters me.
Pieces of me ripped off and sent sprawling into the horizon.
I'm rusting to nothing.
Bits of me, I used to love, are corrupted and rendered useless.
I'm dissolving into obscurity.
Who I am is Slipping out to sea spreading into her waters.
I'm crumbling to dust.
Shaking and shuddering and jerking sending specks of me flying.
I'm rotting inside out.
Hard to see, but all of me turning sour and innocence has lost its meaning.
I deteriorate.
My eyelids sink lower and lower.
Someday soon they will close forever.
Breathing becomes more and more shallow
Someday soon it will stop altogether.
My heart is losing its will to beat.
Someday soon it will abandon its endeavor.