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Sep 2019 · 33
Inward Destruction
Steve Parker Sep 2019
I am consumed
Too much hurt
Anger
At myself
Hate
At my choices
Disappointment
at my strength
I am my own disaster
At my own hand
Today, but not tomorrow
Tomorrow the sun will rise again
Sep 2019 · 42
A New Old Story pt2
Steve Parker Sep 2019
She left me in an empty house full of bed bugs
They crawl up through my stomach and into my heart,  
      that part where you used to live
                     making pain seem like home
           Was I ever the rays to your sunshine?
                     Did I ever fulfill the troth you left with me years ago?
Sep 2019 · 30
A New Old Story pt1
Steve Parker Sep 2019
She came clean to me in a shower of lies,
                                                as she took away my sins
She let me *** deep down her throat,
                             as she swallowed every last drop of hope left in me
My mind races, desperate to make sense of it all
          losing to despair
Artificial loved ones whose faces melt without warning
     my destruction is revealed
Another bright eyed lifeless corpse, crying for help
      blood of their last victim
        dripping from their unfulfilled promises
            of love and affection
Sep 2019 · 104
Forgotten Pain
Steve Parker Sep 2019
I love you like the moon loves the tide
     Like the morning dew loves the
             glistening touch of the early morning fall sun
                           The sins of a beautiful soul

                                                forgotten again
Apr 2019 · 109
Paying the Piper
Steve Parker Apr 2019
I want to be able to love again
   as if the pieces of my shattered heart still fit together
Before I knew the empty numbing sting of betrayal
   Of those I loved and trusted.
Hurt-beyond what the senses were meant to endure
   Crushing, overwhelming heartache and despondency
Replaced by nothing
      Emotional vacuum
          A ghost in a shell
The windows of my eyes drift farther and farther away
    I sink deeper and deeper inside myself.
                 
I just want to be loved
I just want to be loved without fear
Without regret
Without the promise
of tomorrow's
cold debt
Apr 2019 · 541
Sweet Nectar
Steve Parker Apr 2019
Nectar of the honey bee, serene
My light wispy treasure in the sky
If all the stars turned to glass and shattered
For just one more moment on your lips
The morning is perfect for the moon

....and you are perfect for me
Mar 2019 · 41
Like a Moth to the Pain
Steve Parker Mar 2019
Why is it I'm drawn to her knowing how it will end?
Why do I miss her after she has flagrantly and knowingly done
        things that have wounded me so?
Why does my strength wane after just a few days?  
Her words have finally found there way through the barriers I have
        put around my ears, eyes and heart

The embers of her lies ignite the ashes of my now shattered heart,  
        breathing life into my lifeless corpse

I bleed
Oh, how I bleed
I bleed now these words onto page as my fingers sail across my
       keyboard.  
I bleed my inner most thoughts and feelings, bearing my soul to
        strangers passing by this post in some desperate hope for
              validation
Seeing me across the vast gap that lies between what I know and
        what my heart will not accept.
Steve Parker Oct 2018
I sit here so alone
I sit here
Cold steel comforting me; the strength in my index finger is all that is needed to escape when there's nothing left, to open the way out
Like the very last leaf clinging to a tree branch against the onslaught of fall-the vanguard for winters' march
Broken in the wind
I feel weak
Frail
I've given my strength to the years
The years have taken from me with indifference; having no obligation or debt for all it's claimed
The years requite only one thing to me as payment for the benign innocence of the youth it has reaped
Even now while I'm writing this, it can be heard in the softest breeze on this warm November evening.  
It passes by and lightly wipes a tear from my face as it leaves my  once-beating heart  
In doing so  it whispers gently in my ear:
    “Tomorrow the Sun will rise, my child.  Tomorrow will be new”
Unequivocal truth
Though my heart no longer beats and that final piece of what made me me is quietly forgotten by a new world that will see the new light of an old day-
and somewhere a bird will chirp and sing
Two siblings, years estranged, will discard their resentment and be reunited, joyfully reminiscing of happier times long-since passed
A Mother will comfort her crying child
A beloved pet will pass away leaving those that depended on it lost and distraught
Someone will fall in love, and come to the realization that they were incomplete until just then
You will finish reading this
In doing so a piece of what I was will live on forever


Thank you
Any Feedback would be appreciated.  Thank you so much!
Steve Parker Sep 2018
I wish I had flowers and gifts for you
   A whole room full that was well arranged
But if you think that I've forgotten you
  That thought is quite insane!
I may not have much money,
  and all my credit cards are dead
You're partial to gifts of labor(not paid for with paper)
   So I wrote you this instead:

If you could see inside myself,
  My heart, My head, My soul
You would see the fear I have of you
  of a burning love that's beyond my control.
If you could only hear my thoughts,
  Morning,
       night
          and day
You'd see how much I love you,
  no one on Earth could lead me astray!
For earth alone does not bound my love, if there're chicks on planets far beyond
  You have no need to worry- I still would not Respond!
Even if they were hot and green, just like that Star Trek show,
   And if they tried to correspond, my answer would still be "No"!
"Pack it in you *****-*** hoes," is what I would decree
"None of you even have a chance, Brenda's the only one for me!"
As we walked away, we would laugh and say,
(And I think you will agree)
"They gave Captain Kirk a mess of herps'
      and Spock got Hepatitis B!"
Sep 2018 · 1.7k
The Two-Sided Mirror
Steve Parker Sep 2018
The Two-sided mirror

Reeling from your loss, realization sets in like rigor mortis
You're gone
You never could have loved me
I know I will carry the scars till the end of time
Ashamed, I turned my face away from the world
I should've seen this coming.  I should've read the signs

I never dreamed I could find love on a cliff so high
To soar with birds.  To drink of wispy clouds as they do
It was all a lie
I did not take flight with wings made of your warm embrace, as I had thought
          No
It was cruel intent that lifted me up, only to drop me hard
My bones and heart break as I land on the sky


I couldn't understand.  Couldn't understand what makes your blood so cold
I still can't
Grasping for reason like air under water
Only to breath lies to myself
So desperate for reason.  My heart would not accept what I already knew
Without words you told me everything:  “Run away from me.  I will hurt you”
I was starving for answers and you fed me lies. Taking you back again.  Deja Vu

Like watching someone else, disconnected my actions do not become me
I've grown weak
I've succumbed to the poisonous exposure of your smile.
Of your laugh
          of your tears
               of your past
                   of your pain
A sickness from which there is no cure.  I will recover, not
Are you afflicted as well?  Is it my lips you taste when he kisses you?  

Listening to our songs, I can't hear them over the keystrokes of this eulogy of our forgotten love.  
Like the loud deafening and sharp song of a smithy's hammer on an anvil made of my flesh, hate and strength are forged like cold steel, quenched in an empty bucket of dried tears
Just another faceless voice reaching out with hands made of electronic ink
Quietly searching in vein to be heard by the only eyes that can hear them in the vast digital vacuum of the internet.....
Sep 2018 · 125
The Road Back Home
Steve Parker Sep 2018
Darkness creeps in as the sun sets on my being
it envelopes my existence and thoughts like ivy unchecked
Drowning without panic, I breath in deeply
I hear a car.  Is that you, my love?  Have you come home to me?
the neighbor's car door closes with crushing disappointment
Phantom footsteps of a love that once was,
again; the wind reveals itself in the blowing leaves
Spring has grown cold with the warmth of winter's frozen sun
as the last of midnight's dew clings to morning's end  like mother's breast
Your name is heard often, spoken by quiet silence
our road has been long, through many a valley and peak
memories of our once endless happiness are now cold to the touch
the lonely road takes me to the horizon
My home is there
Beyond despair
Relief from a love so
So pure
So rare

— The End —