Friends turn,
we live and learn,
wait for our bonds to burn,
find ourselves only to yearn,
to be connected long term,
but I find that we can not,
race towards happiness only To get caught,
tangled in drama and just when you thought,
you were gonna make it you are stopped,
left alone to rot,

Real Life.

After all of this you want to spill and YOU want to be forgiving?

Really? K.

Secure. Commit. Complete. Finished.

I feel like every **** time I try to tell YOU something it goes in and is barely registered.

I feel like every time I tell you something you listened but it was only for your schemes to be played out.

I didn't force you. You arranged, schemed if I was to be artistically over dramatic.

I want it to just be finished.

I'm writing to remove these feelings.
Last time to this time its been hard concealing,
Each of these bubbling desires have my mind reeling,

I get it, I ******* up, "****** up" told a lie,
I wanted a girl who was down to earth and you want the ******* sky,

I want my eyes to see something new,
I wanted to take a breath and stop being this cliche glue,
My problems don't come from you but my incapability in being true,
I just want to be the one who doesn't have to worry about something new,

I only wanted what I thought  you wanted,
I didn't want closets with skeletons, my life is becoming haunted,

Dreams of slow days, sweaters and fireplaces, curled up with a book,
Not all these questions, always wondering, badgering and skeptical looks,

Maybe occasionally a fancy dinner or a ballroom with cute dress clothes,
Instead of 145% pressure, unrelenting future expectations of marriage, constant all time lows,
God Forbid I smoke,
I understand I made a mistake broke your secret code,

I'm indebted to you bet that makes you happier,
My mistake has turned the page and developed a new chapter,

I've lost control, just don't blame the crash on me,
This was supposed to be our high but my mind is clouded and I can't see,
Ensnared in your guilt restraints and I won't let myself be free,
I hurt the one I love and I deserve to feel every bit painfully,

I . I . I. seems to be all about me,
Admittedly you probably are hurting and it would be disrespectful for me to say these things,
But I'll hope for the best because restricted release would lead to relapse and you know what would bring,

The return of the silver love, Fun thoughts, clouded feelings, and best of all that glazed look in my eyes,
Relapse never had a good disguise,

Maybe it does now?

Maybe this feeling of hurt, pain, disgust, and longing for release, is my new prison,
Those fatal thoughts found a way to be hidden,
Spent all this time trying to become well versed so I could be ridden,
All I've done is cause more harm in vulnerable moments,
Fine, I'll take it and own it,

My mistake turned to mistakes,
I hope you will relate,

Because you've had a hand in my destruction if it meant anything to you,

I can't open up to someone who is constantly not understanding,
I can't relate to your perfection,
My mistakes, your "heartbreak" it should be a reflection,
Just a few nights ago you were telling me I should buy ******* protection,

Love Languages, Embracing Grace, I'll read whatever,
I hope you know a book or some cool quotes aren't going to sever,
My issues from heart, in that place they are regarded as treasure

I try to write in an order, a rhyme scheme maybe?
Seems like word ***** because my stomach is to tired to continue the real thing.

All I wanted was love and quiet,
I guess you want perfect image that is quite loud,
Match made in heaven right?