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Vaampyrae May 2
the way your cheeks feel on my palms
that little stubble on your chin
the red spots on your space
because you're allergic to just about everything (but me)

i miss the familiarity of you
i miss the way your voice cracks when you sing blink-182 songs
the way your accent always shows no matter what language you use
i miss the the way you impress everyone because
you sound so different to them but so familiar to me

these men i **** do not compare to you
and i may be the most amazing lover to them
but they do not know what you have done to me
the way i will touch the sun if it means you get to live
a thousand more happy lifetimes

i miss the familiarity of you
the way you have shown me what love means
and if love truly is just a choice
i know in each universe that exists
id have chosen you,
always you.

because know this, dear:

you are my sunset, my sunrise
my stars who stay even through night and day
you are my achilles
my archangel, my lucifer
you are everything i could ever ask for
you are familiarity itself.
Vaampyrae Apr 30
You are my anchor.
in this sea of confusion
i choose you.

no waves could ever weather
what we have
and what we could be.

for this love is time immemorial
more than the first bubbles that sprouted from earth
and created life itself.

and if poseidon compels me
to worship him,
i will not bow.

i have surrendered these waters
only for You to swim in,
my deity.
Vaampyrae Apr 27
i wonder how it's doing
i hope when u look at it
u know it means i'll be back
because irresistibly
sinfully
crazily
i find myself wanting to see u again
and even if this thing may end
even if u find that person who will love u
and never leave ur side
please dont forget my red toothbrush
and that little infinite space separating the
finiteness of love (lust)
and the things love (lust) makes us do
Edited.
;u;
love (lust) is complicated
Vaampyrae Apr 25
But I sure as hell think
It would taste like this

It would taste like:
Sabrina Carpenter songs at 6am
Wearing heels
Taking an hour to choose an outfit
Putting on makeup
The urge to text you
The urge to kiss you
The urge to hug you from the back
Waking up to the thought of you
Sleeping to the idea of you

I tell myself
"In two weeks,  
I'll get over this"
Because I always do

But until then,
I'll just be this *******-ridden girl
With withdrawal symptoms
They say feeling NRE is like taking drugs
They weren't lying
Vaampyrae Apr 15
No words could ever encapsulate
Our existence
Save for this one:

Flawedness

The flawedness in being
In becoming
The flawedness of our stories
Like the girl too afraid to try
The girl who has tried everything yet yearns for more
The boy who cannot feel
The boy too tired of feeling
The person living despite it all

"How are you?"

I am existing
Living
Trying
Being
Like the rest of us
Vaampyrae Apr 12
While lust is a sweetened latte
Both in their own ways good
Though one easier to swallow
One is healthier, the other a desire
One gives a sugar crash, the other pure coffee flavor

Sometimes you find both your Americano and latte in one person
Sometimes you don’t - and that's okay
Sometimes you need a sprinkle of milk and sugar every now and then
Sometimes having it plain's enough to get you through the day

But no matter how many ways I’ve had my coffee
I always come back to you, my Americano
Simple, bitter, and just right
Figuring out how to describe my poly/open relationship.

Growing up I've always liked novelty,
experiencing new things, taking up new hobbies,
Eating interesting cuisines, and hearing stories about different people

For the past year, I've been experimenting on life in many ways
One aspect is my coffee habits
Be it adding lemon and orange juice, tonic water, coconut juice, strawberry syrup, or matcha - the list is endless
Most people find this weird, but it's what I genuinely like

I do know my weird coffee taste is not for everyone
Neither is me being poly/open (which I am in the process of learning)
But all this is possible because I have the most loving person supporting me, helping me explore my sexuality, getting me through doubts and guilt

I'm not sure if it's possible for me to love other people (in the normal poly way), even though my partner tells me it's okay (and that everyone should love each other)
What I do know deep inside is that I will always come back to him, my Americano

I do hope one day people will become open enough to accept poly people, especially in my country.
Vaampyrae Apr 9
because others could not have it
Guilt taught me I could not watch videos of people ******* because ******* was a sin
And that my body was sacred so only a man I loved
and was married to could touch it

For as long as I remember
He was there, smiling

When I was seven,
My mother told me I was born a sinner
And guilt was just the desire to be forgiven from this natural condition
So every time my body pressed against a pillow
Rhythmically
In my grandmother’s room
With no one
but the sight of Guilt judging me with His piercing eyes —
I did not question it

I was a sinner
Simply for loving my own body

Pasayloa ko… pasayloa mi sa among mga sala, my mother chanted in every prayer —

I repeated it, obeyed it, until I came to believe it

So when I stopped believing
When I knew I stopped believing
He was there, patiently
Bidding me to come back

Even as I rode through bliss
Rhythmically
Hair pulled back, the bed damp
Used condoms at the side
Breathlessly eating and being eaten out by
this man I just met

His piercing eyes, unflinching stare
****** me harder than anyone ever did

Guilt was my religion —
And I was His prodigal child
it has been awhile… hello again
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