For so many reasons;
When the wow creativity
Of the young, new baby poets,

Bursts all over me,
Making me question
My egotistical perception,
Not a slap, but a belly laugh!
At the old fool, who once thought
Ever so secondary briefly, momentarily,
Unofficially, of his own esteemed self-worth,
Only to be reminded, deaf~dumb & blind~sided
By the fresh air, the aggravating sight of new insight
The delicious!delight  of reading the whole of all night
The explorations, the baby hallucinations, the trembling,
Insights of the explorers of the old, not re!newed, but, but.
Made anew, re~viewed with perspectives boldly unknown,
With crazy wisdom to expound, here, you! right here, right now,
I leave you and return to delight, taste, new extra languages, that
                                               I must
                                         learn not to speak
                                       but to peak, even to
                                     Cry, Laugh even Smile  
    
                              In all my new native tongues



Friday, July 18
5:39 AM,
2025
In the sunroom

Dictated in one fell swoop, not a moment to lose, dispatched while
Still laughing at myself...

Before I met my wife
I was incomplete
Now I'm finished.

Day turns to night
The faint yellow glow
of the streetlamp
Illuminates the-now deserted
Roadway

A quiet hum of birds
Are the only thing filling
The silenced city

The sun now sinks low
Dusk to midnight
All goes mute
The flicker of
house lights
Are only visible
In the soft mist

all goes to sleep
In bed- without a peep

Day to night
Dusk to midnight
Midnight to day
The cycle continues
Waiting to repeat
Another day

The curtain now has fully closed-
So why am I still on this stage
Declaiming words I never wrote.

Why am I in fancy costume, with
Heavy makeup on my face
To hide the wrinkles of my failings
And paint me as a thespian.

Cast in a play they say I’ve written
With a pen that's never touched my hand
And a last act that I’ve never seen.

I haven’t learned the blocking yet,
So I don’t know which way to move
Or which door I should exit through
And what will be my final lines.

As lights go down from the Interval
The audience regains their seats
To watch me in the final scene.
  ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^
It’s over so I bow to scant applause
And no one comes to hand me flowers.
I stumble as the lights go slowly out,
And make my way from memory
To my dressing room down a dusty hall
Where I will take this garish makeup off
And walk home as the girl I really am.
                        ljm

When my heart spoke in a whisper the world was so loud.  I didn’t hear her talking over the roar of the crowd.
She tried so hard to tell me what i needed to know. But i held on so tightly to where i thought i should go.
When my heart spoke a little louder i beat her back. Surely her words true wisdom did lack.
But no, she knew better than i ever thought, her instinct was to protect from the perils wrought.
When my heart began to scream i pushed on in robotic motion. Just keep moving ebb and flow like the tides of the ocean.
She was so loud but i was so so lost, forgive me i had no idea of the cost.
When my heart began to sob her voice in so much pain,  memories and hurt mingling together like cold and rain.
She grew cold, froze in the ice of loss and regret. And stood shivering still her words unmet.
When my heart grew silent, and i felt numb
I realized i had not been deaf to her resounding thrum.
I heard but ignored her warnings and cries,
And instead trusted in my comfort and lies.

Maybe you always were a rainbow but i could only see in single shades.
Pink or blue i labeled you, but baby you were a colorful parade.
You saw a kaleidoscope pattern a beautiful array.
you tried to share it with me but i didn’t know what to say.
In my own way i was blinded couldn’t see the flashes of light.
Had to shield my eyes the colors were to bright.
See baby i was taught to only see things through their filter.
When you tried to show me something different it left me off kilter.
Still i am learning and spinning  but i promise to try.
To see and appreciate your beautiful colors painting the sky!

Minutes turn to hours turn to days to months and then to years, its hard to take time to experience the joy when your drowning in the overwhelm and tears.
Checking off tasks only to add on a few that are new. Just when you get something figured out you realize you haven’t got a clue.
Feeling like a stupid kid still learning what its all about. Until you don’t recognize the aged worn face in the mirror eyeing you with doubt.
Caught in a time warp of what is old and what is new. Trying to wrap your head around it, see what is true.
Running on empty with no refuel anywhere in sight. Ask for a lift and it just becomes a huge argument over who’s wrong and who’s right!
I just want to release it all let some one else take control. But theres no one there to help carry the rising toll.
Feeling like I’m Alice trapped on the other side of the glass. Something forever chasing me feels like a heavy mass.
Longing to escape yet not to go back to what was before, please no more chaos i need peace to the depth of my core.
Riddles and faulty logic have kept me spinning and left me drained. My steps through this fog are heavy and pained.
I feel so lost in this place both chaotic and strange. Sending out a distress call but it seems i am out of range.
Clarity for a moment clear the poison from my brain but then comes the words that tell me I’m insane.
You are not lost,  this is where you should be. Quit trying to fight it it, just stay with me.

When the moon soars abloom,
The God rests the doom,
Like a hand that guides a spoon,
Moon that nests alone fresh and unborn,
Slithers its way,
The purest ache of yearning's sway,
As the cloud take heed and veil it away.