i watched the moon pass through the windows
and it came up close to me
and it told me of the echoes
and what would come to be
and it told about the minnows
and pets that wouldn't see
the light of day tomorrow
but don't worry about me
it told me of the future
and the past it seemed to scream
and it knew about my mother
and the secret i dont speak
it knew about my pockets
and what my pockets do not keep
it knew about the whispers
that i say before I sleep
it knows about the black dog
and how close it follows me
it knew that it was only hope
and never lunacy
and the sun knew that the moon would never speak to me

If you were a flower
I'd press you in a book
dry you
save you in this moment

I could go back
forever
and you would still be
as perfect
as you are today

I could still smell you
enjoy your beauty
and be with you
just for now

If you were a flower, I'd save you and this moment forever
I could always pick up the book
start reading again
timetravel to the little time
you bloomed for me

but you're a snowflake
I can't hide you in a book about you
you'd melt within seconds
I will not be able to save you
I will never go back to knowing how it feels
to know you well

I don't even know you well
you're just a snowflake
and you will twirl in the wind
away

We stared at each other.
I swear I thought the Earth stopped rotating.
I looked at you like you were the only person around and
you looked at me like I'm the most unpleasant human being you've ever seen.
It ended.
The rotation continued.
I glanced at your retreating back.
You never looked back.

Yeah, I'm seeing these bags underneath my eyes
but don't worry they aren't leaving me blind
I'm just so tired of the sleepless nights
because you're stuck on my mind
and I'm feeling frightened,
I wish you were near
but you're not here
you're anywhere

You're at an anywhere
that's so far away from me,
it's unclear.

I used to laugh at my mother
when she told me that I'd go crazy
from reading all of those books and that
I'd lose my mind trying to get my PhD
attempting to unclothe the universe.
Now I wonder why she didn't laugh at me
and my ignorant smugness and speeches
as I struggle to piece my sanity back together
from the countless blows of all this learning
which has failed to make me whole.

the average human
describes their heartbeat
as a thud-thud or a few
rough pats to the chest.

i fall asleep with my ear
pressed up against your
chest. all i can hear is the
echo of a captain yelling,
"let me sink...let me sink..."
i ask you how you would
describe your heartbeat,
you point to the ship
in the bottle mounted on
your father's bookshelf
& faintly say
"the glass bottle keeps the
ship from sinking, completely
blocking out the captain's wish
to learn how to breathe
underwater because air just
isn't doing its job with keeping
him alive."

your break up letter to me
went a little something like;

"you were built in the fire,
stop acting like you burn in it.
you were never made to be fragile,
you were never made to be my glass."

my plead for you to stay
went a little something like;

(20) Missed Calls

your final goodbye
went a little something like;

a thud thud to the pavement.

& my final goodbye was
cracking open a bottle on your
headstone & standing in the sea
with the water rising up to
my knees, with a small ship in
the palm of my hand, a dunk
underneath the tide & a faint
whisper, *"breathe."