my life is good for i do not cry
but i know somethings missing inside
thus i leave with a tear in my eye
but for thus does not exist inside
my mind is blank
for the words i speak
as this doesn't make sense
but neither do i
happiness and hope surrounds near by
may my face smile with the hope inside
as i leave you with these words i cry
save me from myself as i do no want to die.

are you angry or upset, what are you feeling inside.
do you feel like you weren't wanted, or do you think that you did something wrong.
do you think you were a mistake or just not loved.
these words roll around in my mind day and night wondering if what they did was a good or bad thing,
you tell me they loved me but not enough to keep me
you tell me they wanted to to give me a better life but didn't realize how depressed id be growing up.
i don't think id ever understand all this
my whole life was a lie the parents i called mom and dad....
but this whole time i had other parents how do you explain that to a child.
i'm depressed, mad, upset, confused, lost, my whole world came crashing down.
my heart broke a little i felt like a was standing still but i wasn't alive.
when i think of the word adoption i stop and stare into mid space thinking why have kids if you KNOW you cant look after them.
but you weren't thinking of the consequences.
no words or the amount of thinking would ever make me understand what you did and why you did it.
i'm now 19 and i'm still cry every night thinking why .what if ,maybe i did something wrong
you didn't realize but i'm hurting way more than you would think
but i will say this i'm in a better home environment,
so for that thank you, adoption is a whole lot of crazy world

I never did let my guard down I just trusted you enough to let u in
You gave me a reason to trust ,
But here we are again
Repeat after repeat.

People like you die young, she said
You don't drink, don't
do drugs, eat healthy, rarely
go out, rarely meet new girls

But you keep on writing, boy, you
keep on writing
and that's enough to outweigh
all the above

You'll see

thoughts and hopes
shatter inside...
take a deep breath
let it die

hope for the best
may be a lie
focus on the things, that travel inside.

darkness is the way to the lights
force yourself to listen inside
sounds and voices whisper inside like the thoughts of my mind slowly die

my life is good for i do not cry
but i know i'm missing something inside...

I know you want me to shut the **** up
Cut me off and not have a opinion
I try to stop myself from being
My vocal self my very essence
Grab some some tape and have some fun
Wrap it around my so called tongue
That will give you some peace of mind
At least for a minute while you unwind
I’ll spare you my rants and my thoughts
How silly of me to think so much
Why speak up I only complain
Nothing I say has any weight
Smile pretty and behave like the rest
Look good be quiet and don’t protest
All is well as long as you
Do as I say and don’t be brave
Clean do dishes and act like you’re fine
Ignore those voices that tell you otherwise
You are the thing that I contain
Into this box this square this frame
It’s all I know and what I expect
A learning curve and I suggest
Get use to being treated this way
Feel lucky feel privileged And don’t walk away
I hold this over you I confess
But what can you do except, accept?
This is the way that things are done
Don’t make waves or trouble my dear
Just go along with what you hear
If I keep you silent everybody wins
And that is what keeps me, me and you with them
If I hold you down then I succeed
Which benefits us all as you will see
What’s good for me is good for me
And why I want you to smile pretty