Looking down at my body
"Whose is this? It's not mine! It can't be.."
Seeing the feminine shape and curves
Seeing the thing that isn't there
Realizing how I really look
Hoping one day, I might just be who I dream I am...

A growing flower in the field
A wilting flower
A different flower
The flower hates itself, its wilted grey self
Flowing in the wind is the poor dead flower

Echoes in my ears
Screaming "Stop! Stop!"
All I can feel is the intense sting of the cold blade
More and more
A warm red liquid navigates down my wrist
More and more blood sits atop my arm
A large smile spreads across my face
The beauty of the red glistening liquid absorbs my mind
I am unable to hear the echoes in my mind once again

Blood on my arms
My legs
My hands
The blade
I did it
What I did was fail
Fail at keeping the blade away from my skin
The blade stung
It stung so bad
It made me feel happy
But now I am dead
Dead with regret

Blood drips from the deep crevice in my skin
Tears build up in my eyes from the pain I inflicted
"More.." I say
Gliding the sharp blade over my skin
Heavy breathing
"I feel better..."
I say lying to myself

I want to die...
I want to die...
I want to DIE
No
I want to be happy...

Prepare for the worst
Prepare for the best
Prepare when ever you can
Falling deeper and deeper into this hole
Deeper and deeper I go
No rope
No one to help
Deeper and deeper I go
Nothing was prepared for this event
Nothing

Pittering and patering against the thin brittle roof
Louder and louder it becomes as it pours down
Steel raining down from the sky,
desperately endeavoring to break through
Harder and harder it pounds
I'm not fearful
The Rain will not break through
It cannot
It shall not

Staring towards the glowing globe in the sky
Watching it sink deeper and deeper into the aphotic blue water
The sky goes dim as the glowing orb sinks into the calm water
Laying my back against the bitter sand
I accept going back into the darkness once again

Step by step
Weaker and weaker we get
Day by day
Laugh by laugh
Cry by cry
March your way proudly through your short time we call life
Others simply walk, slowly, wading through the stretching tunnel
Dark turns
Left or right?
Forward or back?
Which way do I steer the March to my Death?

The cold crisp air brisks against my arm
Shivering, I go back again
Colder and colder
Shivering in to my own fictional world
Everyone is happy in this world
No pain, no suffering
Just happiness
The cold whisks me away into the wind
Up and down I go in my own world
Down and down I go
Diving head first, screaming
The cold has done it again
I'm back at the start once more...

Deeper and deeper I go
Down in straight lines, as if I am furrowing a garden
One, two, three, four
More and more
Dark liquid forms in groups upon my irritated tender skin
Why?
Why would I do this?
I don't know...

The rhythmic sounds fill my ears
Wrapping my mind in lyrics and musical notes
Emotions, feelings
Just listen
Just listen
Just listen to the poetic sounds
The music tries to lift me up off the ground I am chained to
It pulls harder and harder
Failing to pick me up to fly away
It leaves me to rot on the cold hard ground

A vivid red liquid quickly fills the valley
Beautiful, glistening in the shimmering light
Mesmerized, I make another valley upon my pale skin
"Just one more..." I say
I know, I believe this is a deep lie
The glorious sting excites me
Should I make another?

Life and Death
Both interesting concepts
What makes you alive?
What makes you dead?
Death is an eternal sleep
Still and calm
Life can be sad
Life can be happy
Death can only be an eternal sleep
Still and calm

The sun shines through the blinds
What a happy day
My face gets warmed from the light caressing my soft cheeks
Should I be happy?
Should this make me feel good?
I don't know anymore...
Tucked inside my dark covers
I hide from the sun
I'm not ready to awaken
I will never be ready...

The darkness quickens
Faster and faster it goes
Absorbing me
Faster and faster it goes
Inch by inch
I begin to panic
"Run..."
Is all I can think
Until I run out of every ounce of air
The darkness slowly engulfs my body as if it was teasing me
"I won" It says
I lost
I was absorbed by the darkness...

Overwhelming urges
My thoughts are getting more and more confusing
My mind is spinning
Around and around
I look down
A sharp shimmering blade lays before my eyes
"Should I?"
I ask myself aloud
"No... I can't... I shouldn't..."
As I lift the sharp blade and slice once again

Water
It's essential
Some people have it
Some people don't
To much is bad
But many people want to get drowned by the water
I'm running and running
Trying to bring the water with me
It drips through my hands
Dripping faster and faster
Will I ever get more water?
Will I die of thirst?
I hope so...

Death
It's interesting
Sleeping with no end
Sleeping with no dreams
Sleeping with no feelings
Death it's interesting
Don't you think so too?

It’s taking over
I’m being trapped
So many bugs blurring my thoughts
Crawling throughout my brain
Eating their way through
There are more of them
More

**** them
**** them please
Please...

How long until I break
How long until I cut
How long until there’s blood on my legs again
How long until there’s blood on my arms again
How long until I do it again

How long do I wait
To be happy
Until I end it all

How long until I break

****** down wave by wave in this unstoppable ocean
Thoughts and feelings absorbed my mind
I couldn’t comprehend why
I started shouting as I saw a light in the distance
Soon it slowly drifted away
I was drowning once again
Hours after hours, days after days, weeks after weeks
I kept getting weaker and weaker as the days went by
I saw a light
Every day it got brighter and brighter
The boat saved me
Saved me from this ocean, for now