Cat - Hello Poetry

Cat Oct 31

It’s getting to that time of year;
Where life dulls,
Hearts tighten,
And days just mull through.

Because when the air becomes frigid
And life passes in slow motion;
Dread piles,
Like the dead leaves on the ground.

And when I feel that familiar unnerving tug
Like a leaf that tries to hold on,
As the chill of autumn approaches;
I know that
We’re closing in on another year
Without you,
Mom.

#leaves #dread #grief #mom #sad

Cat Oct 29

Leaves

Leaves will still fall at autumn,
And giving thanks around a table,
Will proceed as normal.
Merry tidings will still pass.

And birthdays will come,
As we all grow a little older.

Life will proceed;
I will keep on going,
And I will try not to cry this year
When the leaves begin falling.

#autumn #holidays #grief #mom #sad

Cat May 28

Fog

When you died;
Everything was different.
How I moved, thought,
And saw the world
Changed forever.

A switch went off in my brain that day
and a fog machine turned on.
And as I try to walk through daily
I become disoriented,
Stumbling through the best I can,
As the machine continues on.
But the fog is getting thicker;
And It’s getting hard to breathe.

I’m starting to get scared,
That I’ll never make it through.
But I’m even more afraid that
Once the fog clears,
There is nothing but dead air left.

#grief #sad #mom

Cat Feb 26

Jealous

I’m jealous of you.

You had more time,
More opportunities,
More time to be a kid,
And more time with your mom.
You won’t have to bury her
When you’re 23
Or plan her funeral.
You get to live life for yourself, uninterrupted;
Without the burden of trying to hold together your family.
Im happy you won’t experience this,
For a long while.
And while I don’t want to be,

I’m still jealous.

#sad #grief #mom

Cat Mar 2022

I want to die

I want to die
But I can not right now
It’s scary and forever
But it is sounding so nice
Right now

It’s overwhelming and
I feel frustration
On a daily rotation
I cry and complain

You're always there for me
I feel like I am emotionally
Draining to you my dear
I want to not feel this way
But everything feels not ok

Please take away this feeling
Because I feel way too much
It is like I am always overfilling
Emotions always cloud my day
I get stressed and I can not focus
On really anything or anyone that matters

I feel selfish and annoying and rude
I can not help it and I am sorry
I feel useless and I want out
I want to not exist but also have a happy
oh so happy life.
Please fix me, please save me,
I’m so scared without you.

#triggerwarning #sad #grief

Cat Jul 2021

It makes me sad

It makes me sad that I can’t seem to find a way.
The entrance even seems so far a way
Each door a new beginning or an end to one.
I can not help but feel like there’s not a single one
A single one, worth the trek.
Sometimes I just feel like a wreck.

#sad #unworthy

Cat Mar 2021

Adult thoughts

You always trusted that adult
With life figured out.
As you got older
You became that adult
With nothing figured out

#adulthood #childhood #sad