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i don't often say i love you
though when i do its easy
but when you told me to say those three words back
i just couldn't do it
i  didn't realize how much this friendship has declined.
I'm falling again
Falling for his deep blue eyes
Falling for his ***** blonde hair,
Falling for his humor
Falling for his addictive personality,
Falling for him.

But as I'm falling I think he's climbing
He doesn't like me, at least not anymore.
There may have been a time where he did
But I scared him off.
I'm being myself because I thought he could understand it
But he's just climbing away.

I like to think that maybe I'm falling from a high place,
And he's climbing from a low one
So we will meet again and realize.

But knowing my luck, I fall from the bottom.
he's so perfect but I'm not.
someone told me I can't be broken because we were never we.
you were never mine,
I was never yours.

I payed so much attention to what we could be
over what we were,
and now we're nothing.

its like we never laughed together
played together
sang together
or just simply sat together.

we had a together but we were never together.
we had something but now we're nothing.
we were never we.

I hurt.
not because the pain of your absence,
but the pain of what could have been.
another late night poem
I'm not sorry for falling in love with you,
I never will be.

I'm sorry for ruining what we had,
Because I fell in love with what we could have.
after you left, my heart was tied into knots.
you can't come back and expect those knots to be untied.
its simply not that simple
I still haven't quite come to terms with the fact that its over.
You said you weren't ready, I said
"Its okay"
You said you don't mean to hurt me, I said
"Its okay"
You said you won't talk to other girls, I said
"Its okay".

Its okay. I just want you to be happy. It doesn't matter that I'm not okay because why would I take your happiness away to make you not okay?

You still talk to me.
Its okay, I'll just have trouble getting over you.

What isn't okay, though, is the fact that you led me on.
You called me pretty.
You sent me paragraphs about my impact on you and others.
You said you would go out with me.

But I guess its okay, because it always has to be okay.
how am I supposed to get over him when he treats me so well?
A warm wind touched my face.
I walked out into the open space,
I saw a blurry, fading horizon.
Somewhere, you are,
I am here, after a sleepless night,
Writing another reflection,
Tired like an empty battery.

I do not like the masks that shout.
The fight over who is right.
I do not want an analysis.
I touch the bark of the tree,
I hug the birch with my arms.
I see its white pages,
Written with irregular lines,
Torn, fluttering in the wind,
Which I cannot read.

Her eyes look straight into me,
They understand –
How well they understand me.
The rustle of leaves lessens the tension.
Autumn will come soon,
The summer wind whispers to me:
This country, this language,
These people, these doubts.

This is not blind luck,
This is your blessing,
Purple, rainy months, a fleshy heart,
Falling hair, joy when relief comes,
Crying into a pillow –
So as not to disturb another’s dreaming
About the so-called reality.

Bare feet touch the ground.
I tread carefully on the edge of worlds,
To be both here and there
With my integrity.
I am everything and nothing.
I am gestures, epilepsy,
The belief that I see human thoughts,
Inconsistent with what they say.

Blue, sun, and somewhere you.
How good that you stayed.
When everyone was saying:
She is different,
She talks to ghosts.
You stayed, showing me
Your true face.
Five of Cups.
I keep clinging
to the spilled wine,
wishing it would return
to the glass—
but it never will.

And now I wonder:
which one of them
is the spilled wine?
Which one
can’t I let go?
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