I'm a flower
who never blossomed because
I was planted in shade.

during the morning i see
a fresh start
new perspectives
the sunrise looking slightly different than yesterday
i see that i will get better today
i see i am okay
i see my life getting better

during the afternoon i see
mistakes
curses
reasons to do xyzabc
i see hate
cruelty
anger
shame

during the night i see
failure
"****-Up" engraved into the mirror
everything and nothing
i see the fact there's new scars
a comedown to face tomorrow
my life didn't get better today.

*and repeat

This feeling settles in,
Making itself at home

It's so unsure,
It asks,
"What were you searching for?"
"Never mind, you can't go back..."

You'll never find it,
You'll never know it,
The cycle seems to keep on spinning...

There is something you have though,
It can't be taken,
It's yours alone,
But no matter how hard I try,
It feels like a part of me has died...

Maybe one day,
It will all make sense,
Maybe one day,
It won't.

Right now it lays at rest,
Sometimes it pours out
Uncontrolled,
For now,
I let it lie down.

It hides in the form of
Sleep and regrets,
It lies.

I am only human,
You encouraged
Me to feel vulnerable,
And I gave in
Like a child to the swing,
Blindly following.

I’m waiting in line, wasting my time
for things that won’t come, though they are mine.
Pretend that I’m fine, should I draw a line?
Don’t wish to run, but I think I’m just done.

Feelings I can’t shake, they keep me awake,
the list has increased, how much more can I take?
With so much at stake, I try not to break,
I miss the sun, but I think I’m just done.

With tired eyes
I’ll still see it through.
Exasperated sighs
in breaths I drew.
I broke the ties,
but I’ve got some glue.
Searching the skies
and looking for you.

I’m waiting so long, maybe I’m wrong
I can’t walk away; my legs aren’t that strong.
Alone in a throng, I still try to prolong,
but it never begun, and I think I’m just done.

The flowing tears
should extinguish the flame,
but it’s been years
and it still burns the same.
Doe eyes sees the fears
and treats it like a game,
then it all disappears
am I to blame?

I’ll wait forever, I’m not too clever,
passing me by, but never say never.
I can not severe this painful endeavour,
I’m always the one but I think I’m just done.

Why talk about it--
as one
is breaking down
in loveless lessons of alone
rumbling 'cross the sky
running lightning's fury
into ground
as if a voice could shake a soul
so softly form its leaping dance
Could call the world
to ground itself
so softly
among the words
to make a landing in the difference...

be enough...

to turn back time
from last, its mission
To tell its vision
like it was
the way it went
to tell the truth
of what it truly is
the way it had to be
to call it down from heaven
Just this once
to say--

I love you

I could not recall the lyrics to the songs
Except for maybe one
“Que sera, sera...”
had no meaning besides its fun
Swing set in the yard
where I learned to fly
to overcome
my fear of
music in the trees
to sing to leaves
to green and blue of sky

Que sera sera
and back and forth before the rain
Que sera
of all this reckoning and rocking back and forth
Que sera...sera
What will be,  will be
the future's not ours to see...

Que sera sera