she observes her setting for a while
she plans her points
she sets her anchors
she notices the challenges
she takes the risk
she starts building her web
she finds the center and waits

she is drawn in by the scent
she is drawn in by the light
she is drawn in by the beauty
she is drawn in by the safety
she is drawn in by the peace
she is drawn in by the similarity
she is drawn in by the difference

i am hence stuck in this sweet torture
i am content in my waiting
i am content in my trap

waiting for her to **** me dry
waiting for her to leave me high
waiting for her to make me cry

i sit waiting in terror.
i sit waiting for the transfer
i sit waiting for her power

a healthy trade
ones evil to be paid
for a heart that beats delay.
justification of sorts
a reward for her grit
chomping on a fresh bit
but now its time to relish in the play
this is only part one
just wait for it.
you'll get it one day.

My loud voice is shattered
I’ve spoken my truth

Now I slightly whisper
I literally spent all my cooth

I’ve saved your bullets for you
In case you try to point in your mouth and shoot

I have no other words
I have nothing else to prove.

I find myself begging for fights so I can add it to the excuse pile


I find myself laughing inside when you’re  ****** or picking a fight


I find myself grinning when you grumble



I find myself daydreaming of days where I get to do what makes me happy





I find myself.

Tell me why I want to leave

But when it looks like it’s really happening I feel guilty

I feel ashamed

I feel weak for giving up.


But if I don’t.

I’ll never heal
And then I won’t ever get to heal again

And that’s what I’m here for

But tell me why it’s so hard to heal when you’re close

But so hard to love when it’s so far away

The weight of loss
Shakes the mind all the way across

To open the connection
And immediately be shaken

A polite laugh immediately mistaken

The only thing to do now is sit in waiting

Overwhelming up and downs


I want to take it all from everyone
I want to be the lean to for all not just one
I am not strong enough but I’m not even done
I am just waiting for the right moment to come

Ooooh my patience is so thin

I don’t even know where to begin

You say my voice is loud

But I think you’re the only one listenin’


I know that’s not true
But it’s like I’m painting in the wrong hue

To a colorblind audience
Who can’t even tell the difference

Burn the canvas or let the colors run?

Holes here and there from my tiny sharp blade
Colors bleeding in the fibers and leaving a stain

All of this is just contraction pains

I can’t wait for the fresh breath of this rebirth of gain.

I never wanted to be the one to accept your blame

I’m not the reason you’ve found yourself in this stupid game

Don’t point your eroded finger at me
You did this to yourself

You didn’t know it’d be for eternity?

Do you really expect the healer of all to be me?

I’m not trained, not certified

To handle all the times you lied

What can you even say that I believe
..

I mean do you even love me?


I’m just your safety net
I’m just your safe bet
You think I’ll stick around for some benefit

But I’m starting to understand that there’s never an open bit

I want to run
I want to be done

But you and your manipulation has me
Under the gun

I deserve more than this
I deserve to be in bliss
I deserve a passionate kiss

I deserve more than this

Wind me up
You make my head spin

You manipulate me
With your brightest sin

The evil twin
I can’t resist you

I want you so bad
I want you

She said
You slay me

I said under my breath
Save me

She probably doesn’t remember
So I guess I’ll remind her
Before Mid September

I don’t mean to demean
I don’t mean to be mean
I don’t mean to intervene
I don’t mean to make a scene
I just want to come clean
I see you in every dream
I just want to scream
I instead choose to gleam
I continue to lean
I continued to lean
I want you to learn
I want you