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And I can count the number of stars,
before I'm able to count your scars on top of scars.
I could have your name on my arms,
and I could stop before anything harms,
I would forget your eyes are not stars,
and I will get stuck in the cycle of harm.
Lawrence Hall
Mhall46184@aol.com
Dispatches for the Colonial Office

                                                I am not God

About final judgement
Just give it a rest
God does salvation
We do our best
I met you in the summer, a few days into school
You liked that I liked Minecraft
I thought that you looked so cool
Just a year younger, but you talk like an old gay man
We both wanted to leave this town, fast and far as we can.

I was the sun, you the moon
didn't think it could happen so soon
fastest best friends, just like when we were small
I was surprised you wanted to be friends at all

you said I was a sponge, that was the funniest thing
I took all of your bad, and it didn't sting.
I hope you know, it was the same for me
if I was trapped in my head you set me free.

it's our 3rd year as friends
but now our first as more
I really hope I don't become a bore.

thank you puppy, for being so kind.
I'm sorry you're stuck with my poets mind.
Once upon a time
Or maybe One day
There was or will be a girl
Who isn't okay

I am the past
The future
The end
I am the beginning
A forgotten friend
I wish to know what will be
I long for what was
I don't know who I'll be
I'll wait just because

I am the only
One of many
And just a few
I am the first
The last
And the cue

Not a single person
One to many friends
Scary people love me
Everything ends

Once upon a time
One day maybe soon
I miss the future
I miss the past too

I long for a past I didn't have
I miss a future I can never achieve
I love
I lose
I long

I am right
I am wrong.
I'm sick
My school blocked my writing
I cant use Ao3
I cant use anything

they took our phones
our earbuds
our watches

they took my writing

I cant use words

I'm scared
beat beat beat
my heart is a drum
it goes up and down
my skin starts to hum

beat beat beat
my heart is too fast
I miss the future
I cant wait for the past

beat beat beat
my head is on the floor
I'm bleeding out
behind the art room door

beat beat beat
my heart in my ears
I cant breathe
drowning in tears

beat beat beat
it hurts to speak
my head is swimming
its reached its peak

beat beat beat
back at home
laying in bed
I wish it was gone

beat beat beat
3 in the morning
I can hardly sleep
everyone is snoring

beat
beat
beat

...


I wish it would stop beating.
This is
Listening to my sister sob in the next room
This is
Flinching at every noise I hear through my door
This is
Watching YouTube on my computer, mouse hovering over the X on the screen, ready to hide
This is
Heart-pounding, fight-or-flight-inducing terror
This is
Mind racing, preparing excuses in my head for any possible attack
This is
Counting the minutes until I can escape
This is
A normal Sunday in the redacted house
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