We are in a tall long carpeted room. With blue shadows casted in the dim light. I know he's here because I can hear the sound of his deep soothing voice. But I can't see him. I keep walking towards it. It's saying my name and telling me stories and he doesn't seem to notice that we are locked somewhere within what looks like the bottom of the ocean. Or that I can't see him.
There's a floor to ceiling glass barrier that when you look up looks like it goes on for miles. As I walk slowly, cautiously, to the music of his laugh I run my fingers along the glass leaving cloudy stripes. And then I see him. On the other side of the crystal wall. He's still speaking to me. His whole face lights up when he notices I'm there. I'm so relieved I could cry. I beg him to tell me what's going on. To hold me close. To find someway out of this.
He shakes his head no and sits down with his legs crossed and his hands on his knees. It creates the effect of a meditative state and I cannot for the life of me fathom how he's so calm. He gestures for me to do the same. I can't do much else but follow. Wait he tells me. I must have patience and everything will turn out so beautiful. But I'm impatient. I'm impatient and unfortunately believe there's a way out of everything. I stare up at the ceiling. Only, I can't see where it ends. I'm starting to realize the only way passed this glass is to break it.
So I stand to my feet and bang my hands against it till I have nothing left. Until I'm in tears. When I turn my back and slide to the floor I can feel how this hurts him. It makes me afraid. Makes me afraid that he thinks I want him to bad. He simply has to walk away into whatever lies beyond the other side of the barrier and I'll be in this purgatory for the rest of my life. I'm almost sure he's done just that. So
I have to check. I brace myself for the worst. I turn towards where he was last. But he's still there. He raises his hand to the glass and tells me he's sorry, and that he loves me. That it's him and I against the world. That he's never loved anyone like he's loved me.
That gives me the strength I need. He's what I want. What I've always wanted. He's my future. The father to my children. The man I want to wake up to In the morning. But he's behind a veil. So he just tells me to wait.
So I do. I sit across from him and we talk. His voice echoes in the dark aquarium. But I hear him clearly. I fall in love with his stories and the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles at me. Only at me I've noticed. Nothing else makes his eyes smile like that.
I sit and we talk for what seems like years. And finally I go silent. I stare at the beautiful black curls stroking his forehead and the constellation of freckles on his cheeks that had become my night sky. As I let my eyes go unfocused I saw the slight reflection of my face in the now fading foggy glass. It was filled with panic and worry, and a great sadness. But as the water came and washed away the remnants of breathe on glass I saw his face. And I understood. He knew we were underground. It hurts him that he is so close to touching my fingertips. But he has something I don't, he points behind me. I turn around and there it was, the reason for the constant smile on his face. A timer was counting down on the wall in glowing red light. He knows that when it reaches zero he can save me from myself. I won't ever have to beg him to love me on dark nights listening to his voice. I'll simply turn over and show him I love him much more than he could ever imagine.