I'm November nights' sleepless eyes,
And Saturday's heavy rain,
I feel broken and I can't remember why.
A deep breath, it might ease my anguish.
Across that town,
(that I set on fire),
Is something stronger than melancholy.
I try to reach it but it's too distant.
I'm an illusion you can't deem real.
I'm only mist,
Your hand will never,
Close around mine.
You cry like a boy,
When you hear I've lost my breaths,
In 1678's winter snowstorm.
The autumn of 1857,
Seems like cracking branches,
And you and me inexistent,
Trapped in something,
We can't seem to remember.
It has no name, that phobia.
I can't breathe, I can't remember,
Where I've left my lungs.
I can't feel, I don't know,
Where I've dropped my heart.
My eyes can't trace,
The shape of your face.
You're a blurred image,
I've crafted with my own hands.
Nothing makes sense.
Maybe I'm insane.
Desperate, so desperate,
To feel, to touch an entity,
That could be bigger than life.
But I'm a breathing vacuum.
The sensation in my fingers,
Is singeing me with so much life,
It's almost unbearable.
I'm running, bolting, wavering,
Stumbling, swaying, trembling.
I'm dying, dreaming, wondering,
I'm falling in love.
I'm falling over and over and over.
But I'm only falling.
I've never known what's it like,
To get up.
I'm falling into a rift valley,
With sleepy eyes.
I'm falling again.
But this time I'm falling asleep.
I might wake up.
Someday I might.

was four balloons in the sky ,
cut loose to fly,
at the end of the auto dealers day,
I was done with my building a shower
awaiting my ride, outside.
The four balloons took flight
in a mostly blue sky, seemed to have
a direction in mind.
They were flying away from
the eastern grey clouds
into the more calming
west, filled with
fluffiness and calmer breezes,
I called to them, lying on
my back in the grass.
Hey you, blue balloon,
hey red one, okay yellow,
do YOU hear me, the white
one shimmered.
Hey, don't forget me. Come
take me with you, pretty
things, so free
and unencumbered
by things down here,
they seemed  gay,
one after the other, separated
by a few hundred  yards
I felt burden free for a minute.
I guess they inspired me.

You will never know what I did to myself
One because I don't want you to know
And two, *because you never cared to ask

I was just a young girl when I met him
We were at the rock quarry pool.
Sat on a man made cliff
from stones taken
before I was born.

I stepped down to the ledge.
And looked down into the black water.
Which now looked a mile below.
Hanging onto a rock I was frozen
Like a deer in the night headlight beam.

Friends splashed into the water way below.
Shouting encouragement for me to jump.
But my legs turned to jelly
I could not climb up or jump down.
I was in the vice grip of all my failures.

He climbed up the rock face
The nerdy kid in my grade twelve class.
He was great at math and science
Wore thick glasses a bit of an outcast.

He reached my ledge of terror
I gripped his arm so tightly
He said softly don't be afraid
I am here and nothing will hurt you
I promise.

He was the smartest kid in the class
How do you know ?
I asked.
Because you are strong and can do anything
You have brains talent and good looks.
You are destined for greatness.
I just have brains he laughed
I am destined make others rich.

Now hold my hand
And we shall jump in together
He gripped my hand and it felt
Wonderfully safe.

On three he said softly.
What if we die I whimpered.
Then I shall die holding
The hand of the most beautiful girl
In the school he said almost smiling.
On three he said you count
One….t wo……...two and a half……...three

I felt myself falling falling falling.
Holding his hand all the way down.
It was so safe.
we slipped into the cold water

And we're in an embrace
when we surfaced
Everyone was cheering.

What I did not know
I was falling falling falling for him.
We finished college together
He became my first lover
And we married young
And had three of smartest children
Who fortunately got my looks
and his beautiful heart.

With rock I shall write,
The story of my life,
For I have no paper,
Not even a pencil to keep,

I used to ask my brother,
What a penny could buy,
He used to say " Are you crazy?"
It doesn't even buy one bite of bread..

My brother was my only hope,
After father, mother, and sister left us from hunger,
"Their in heaven"
He used to assure me,
"Watching us from above"

But I couldn't understand
Why they watched us suffer..
If their in heaven they can send us rain
Or atleast droplets of water so that I could drink,
Cuz' lately I've been forgetting the taste of water,
Or thats even if water has a taste?!?

My brother and I,
In the streets- we used to beg,
For food to eat,
To satisfy what we call "hunger"
But we gave up,
No one looked.. no one gave..
Digging in the trash became our specialty..

Thats the reality of humans,
They friend the rich, and kick the poor,
No one has a pure heart anymore
That's what I learned,
From my days of living with no home..

Maybe only one person out of 200 would give us a dollar or two,
That was never enough,
But atleast they cared,

My brother always used to tell me,
To try and look for the good in people,
Even if a person was all darkness from inside,
And you see a small- very small ray of light,
Then hold on to it,
You never know what it may sprout into,

I held on to that advice,
But darkness killed the good in people,
Or maybe I'm the one with wrong conclusions,

My brother and I...
I can no longer say these words,
Cuz now its just "Me and I"...

Brother are you in heaven?
Watching over me..?
Can you see my tears of pain,
Please send and give me hope,
I'm holding on...
Or atleast I'm trying to..
Brother..
Please send me rain...