Sitting here sitting alone
the loneliness grows long
you got a secret, and you left me
this night...

How do I cry?

My eyes still rove over my sicken heart
vanishing amide the wild scenery of life
the light was yet there
a constant sight grew in the background .....

Oh I want to cry.....

Shining dim, but constant in the rain
drips with a sounding bound
where the dry soul breath goes dry
follows by the dusky hill ....

Please let me cry....

It doesn't matter, the truth be told
my night was wretched, tried hiding
but the pain followed me wherever I sit
wetting me afresh on my skin.....

How do I cry?

How do I put this?
I know left,
I know right.
I don't know the in between.

I can do black or white ,
I don't know what to do with grey.
Just as easily as I write this,
So it's true in my life.

We in the grey area right now,
I wish we weren't,
I can barely be in control,
I never know what to do,
What to say, or
How to flourish
or even turn it around.

I don't know,
How to make it work
In the grey area.
I don't have the skills,
To make you choose left or right.
How do I make you see,
Let you choose,
Decide ,
Pick Us.
Pick a side.
Pick anything,
I just don't know what to do with grey.

I do not like this phase of a heart break.

When you purposely avoid love songs,
Or sometimes you play them just to make yourself feel like your hearts still pounding.

When the person you loved and hid from every waking soul is brought into a conversation.
Or when he isn't.

When you see other lovers who have made it years without the cruel hand of fate ripping their love from them.
Or when you see they haven't.

When you notice him writing you smaller, casual messages when they use to be breathtaking and beautiful.
Or when he doesn't write at all.

When I ask you if I am pushing you away and you say no.

"Alright, happy birthday! Text me later tonight?"

"Will do"

When every hidden goodbye ends with those two words. And my broken, belittled heart.

(i. r.)

I am trying to let things off my chest
It's about time i realize
not all of us are mean't for true love and all that.
I read somewhere "
we define love
by what we experience."

It's safe to say,
What has been so clear so far
is that passionate love
That i used to dream off
Doesn't apply to me.

Nor the kind of soft love
that can exist between two people
who want to share their lives.
I don't have that either

What i do have
Is a list of rejections.
All this time ,I've been blaming myself
Thinking I am the problem
But not anymore
I am a totally awesome person.

I just wasn't meant to share that
Romantic passion with anyone.
I am making peace with that.
I really am.

I'll divert all that energy
That was seeking and looking around
for "Real Love",
To things that will build me up
or help me achieve my dreams
Be a blessing to other people.

Not all of us
Are destined for romance
Not all of us have that One person
We are waiting to find.

I just wanna live my life happy
Doing all the things that are necessary
Having an impact with the world.
I'll share that passion.
That,I know I can do.

Dear J,
   I may be at a loss for words half the time, and the other half I might have too much to say, but I can almost always say this; I love you. I have felt fear and I have felt bravery and I have felt loss. I can look pictures of us and I can recall everything we did that day. I can listen to videos of you and I can tell what you felt. And I know that you didn't think I was paying attention, but I knew how you looked when you thought something was unfair. And I knew the look in your eyes when you saw the light just right in a sunset and you knew that nothing could ever be recreated quite like that. I felt the same way about you.
   Wherever you are, know that loving someone isn't a matter of feeling something or not feeling something. It's a matter of knowing what you're feeling and when you need to let go.
   I think that people know that letting go involves unfurling your fingers and watching something fall from a great height. It's the act of following that objects downward motion that gets to us. That once it meets the ground or whatever surface it is deemed to hit, it's gone. What was there is gone. And once you think about that you think of what could have been there. That one last touch, that one last feeling of bliss that comes with knowing that the moment you wake up the sun will be shining in rivulets through fingers that tangle in hair fresh off the pillow. It's sad to know that nothing like that will happen again.
   The sun won't shine the same way. Instead it may simply fall. It won't cascade, it won't flow over the edges of noses or smiling lips. It's the same way water may lose a stone from a riverbed and from there on after it doesn't run quite the same way. But another stone, another pebble will fall in place because replacement happens.
   I guess what I'm trying  to say, is that letting go is letting someone else take a spot. In order for something else to happen you have to let your joints move out of their grip and unfold from their hold on something that wasn't meant to be held by you anymore.
   Sometimes you have to let them land somewhere new.
I only hope that it's somewhere even more beautiful than before.
            Claire

It's weird
How comfortable i am with you
Maybe it's coz you are honest

I didn't realise
Just how much i liked you
Till the reality
Of never seeing you again hit me

The pain that stung my heart.
The tears I tried to fight
The memories i tried to hide

Just everything about you
Reminded me
What i'd like
Who i'd like to be with.

You were sent to me
To show me whats real
What's an obsession
How I appreciate it
I was loosing myself
In the obsession

Not anymore though