I was always thinking that when we left we would have lot's of time
not lot's of arguing
I guess I was deluding myself when I should've been guarding my heart from pain
I'm sorry but there is no shield in place anymore
there used to be but that shattered years ago and now there is no protection
so I guess there is a gateway but please don't overuse it
it's the only protection I have left
I guess I thought I could control who came in but the shield broke years ago

the sand is there
oh the sweet salt too
and you washed away that love
with hate
I knew it was you
with those electric eyes

blood smeared of my lines
guts spilled on the outside
I feel blood running
through uncharted blue veins
over pale skin
I'm loosing myself
in this pain I am a monster
in their eyes I'm the monster
to myself I'm a monster
but to few I'm worth it
to me I outweigh
their pleas
through this I'm crying
through this I'm going to...
let the blood flow

when my emotions overflow
I let the river go
I the tears come down with force
I let the waterfall navigate my cross
I let the earthquake shatter the ground
and I let hell take me down
and the heavens are pulling me up
out of the ground
up to my refuge
in the clouds

Trying to break these
Padlocked lungs
Trying to just yell help
But yet I still can't speak

if my words are a paradox let me be true
if I was a paradox I would repeat for you
if I was a paradox I wouldn't stop
if I was a paradox the world would stop
I was in love I would repeat
if I love I will say it again
if you were my heart I would repeat again
if my words are a paradox let me be true

soft lines of brushes
lining my face with color
so pale and soft
I am divine
they line my face and they will never know
I will let my pale colors
GLOW

When the poet talks
I hear their story
But when they write
I listen to their demons

they don't leave me alone
they don't stop hurting
they are leaving me broken
without a hope in sight
I see broken shards
and icy points
and all the dreams that come
and all I can is lay here
paralysed
and feel their touch

your push turned to shove
my heart stopped to beat
and my eyes teared at your face
you bring me back to times
when I was happy
and also so sad
when tears were welcomed
instead of feared
where I was wanted
not feared
I'm sorry I wasn't there
when it was needed
a sorry is all I can say
a push turned to shove
and I couldn't stand my ground

you pushed and shoved
hands clenching
and legs tensing
I fell and you helped me up
just to push again and again
I let you push me
till I was over the edge
and the only push was
my heart against my chest

stitch my mouth
one at a time

stealing words
from smoke

a dream
from my head

stitch my mouth
one at a time

stealing words
from smoke

a dream
from my head

Quiet tendrils
Of smoke

Embraces meaning
Capturing thoughts

Never-ending night
Beaming moon

I wish on a star
As it passes through

To only receive a night
Full of nothing bright

The moon kisses me
It embraces me

Although it’s dark
The moon will carry me

The night is safe
Though scary

My home is with the demons
And with the ghost that is me

No one can take my words
And no one will take my home

The constellations swirl
Calling me

You were there
Always embracing me

Always smelling of home
Always watching the ground

I will trip I will get up
And I will run

I am no longer scared
I am strong and will walk

I am not your little boy
But the woman I am today

speaking without thought
losing my mind like I was taught
I was the teacher and I blocked it out
I was the student I lived in doubt
I rambled over and over with no prevail
evil will never fall with rambled thoughts
they own us all

stingrays trace the rivers
flat against the ground
and they don't have to worry
because their souls will live
in the between
where the lights know their name

Relationships are strange
You can be arguing but flirting
You can be laughing but at who
You can act happy but be miserable

we fight and argue
and we might be angry
but if I say I love you
I hope you say it back
what is love without love in hate
what is hate with a release
what is love without the pain
I love you but you won't say it back
you were the water rushing past
without a dam in sight

rich crimson painted rust
glistening due painted red
shadowed droplets
red eyes tainted smile
reaping chasm
drop right in
open jaws
jagged teeth
tear your skin
and lick your lips
and wait for the pain
for your soul to be
ripped apart

Cry me a river they say
if only they knew
that tears are not what create the rivers
but the emotions
that become from their journey

little waves
shattering on rocks
fragile leaks
cracking white smoky mist
dreams are gone
they are the past
they will bleed like rivers end
until they meet the sea

silk through my hands
life running through my veins
tongues of fish flying past
small rocks off the river bed
and feeling worries run of to the sea
feeling fish worry free
feeling burden rub off on rocks
and the water crystal clear with pure truth
clear like the sky
without a worry I run like a river

we were roses
never meant to be
thorns upon thorns

I'm not a rose
a lily
floating along the current

your turbulent waves
you said we weren't
to be together

as I see it your, chaotic
and I'm calm
you took me on a ride

I ended
on the rocks
your words

they cut deep
breaking me
like your lies

I feel like the runaway
leaving behind the stars
and starting in the dark

always going around in circles
and you never once came
to show me the way

running through wisps
going in tumble winds
falling on the rocks
scrapes on pale skin
red rock scarring a beginning
a cracked soul always forgiving
red rivers running through veins
pumping soul with fractured hands
not able to grab a lie in it's grasp
and it seeps through the cracks
never fearing the wind will run away
only keeping the demons at bay
a mind is not worth loving
if the mind can't stop running
in the wind we run
but soon we will stop
and take our final breath

I lied in the rain and slept
when I woke
your arms pinned me
I was too heavy
plastered with rust
to which your laugh sounded
all around my head
pinned to you
unable to move
my rusted heart

I never thought safety was a feeling
all these stories of people feeling safe
is something I've never felt
I've been homeless and left to rot
I thought this was a hidden emotion
that I was incapable of feeling
until your arms opened
and that laugh made me smile
and when we kissed
I felt my eyes smile for the first time
safety is something I have found
something only you could help me find

I lost you
in the end
where there was nothing
dreams of limbs
and your eyes
blue
striking loving blue

because of infatuation
I left a scar
on the one who actually cared
and to be honest
sometimes I feel like I am the scar
because really I know your hurt
but maybe you will heal
but my heart will never
after what I did there will always be a line
cutting and constricting
and it will never go away
I am the scar
marring your arms and face...
I am the scar

nails on skin
droplets
drip, drip

losing sanity
in my blood
ecstasy

pure elation
pure bliss
scratches

drip, drip
on the floor
bleeding out

when the clock strikes 12
I will fall for you
a undead promise

it was for you I was here
and now the canvas is red
no more pink

I will scratch the pain away
leaving water color red
I am alone I am dead

drip, drip, drip

haze through shattered glass
fogged up windows
smoke screen air
black hole
light no where
not a single drop of light to be seen
no way to get through the haze
no way to
see through

I was covered
a backdrop
a veil of night
and when the light
blinded me
I fell into love
like a smothering force
I drank it in

deep dark monsters lurk
in the shadows they hide
demons waiting for victims
in the shadows they hide
ghosts waiting to haunt you
in the shadows they hide
Fear and Betrayal
in the light I confide

She's lost
I don't know where
I can't find her
She won't answer me
Is she gone

steeped on through my life
through bare feet and written lies
I see a world beyond the divide
where I can't be cleansed of dirt
and emerge with shoes on my feet

it has cracks
and maybe you know
but do you see the scars
left by the cuts on my arms
do you see the marks on my heart
do you see the imminent failure
don't you see me
you say you don't care
but I feel your eyes
maybe I feel a tingling in my chest
but that's not love
that broke years ago
maybe I am healing
so maybe I'll stay
maybe for once I won't push away

Sometimes I'm sick
Emptying my feelings
Into the pipes they go
Just to resurface later
To haunt me again

dying is a side effect of living
always running around a
universes whim
being lonely is a side effect
and being sad is a side effect
living is not a gift but a curse
for we will never be whole
with the side effect of living

Theirs a difference between
Radio silence
And a comfortable quiet

sailors falling to the salty mist of sea
hearing song for you and me
and suffocating in sweet bliss
a Siren song I'll never miss

walking through clouds
catching blue drips of sky
catching in my mind
a vision, a dream?
of what is meant to be
a shallow shell
one little hole of where I could be
I will let the blue drips go
washing away the colour
leaving me emotions
bear and exposed

one smile a day
is sometimes enough to
make the pain go away

Yesterday I lit a cigarette
And I realised I hesitated
I pictured your face
And for a second I couldn't
I just couldn't have it
But addiction won
And now the cycle continues

Swirling spirals as far as I can see
Domain and presence
Resonance coming
From deep within the ground
Shaking my body with no control
Breaking my bones out they go
To the healing powers of a bond I grow
In the heart of earth I grow
I spread the roses there thorns dangerous yet calm
The tulips growing without harm
The trees reach to the sky
I am everywhere
I will be till I die

Can't the world stand still
Just give me a minute to stop running
To take a breath and stand still
All I need is a second
To see the beauty of life again

as I was in eternal darkness
until...
you helped me scan
and find some reception
so that I could see colour
and shine

through wired chunks and smouldered trucks comes loads and loads of steam a in wired breed and self imprinted greed gas comes rising and it falls with grace but all these businesses are laced with fake faith a faith of change a faith of life but with a second it could end and who will be laughing then not me that's for sure because will be the one in heaven hurting from loss because I was one of the only people who knew what we could lose so let down the shields and come and bring me up and bring me from the grave maybe all I need was somebody to save me from the steam and gas maybe that was all I need a little faith inside this world of disgrace

I still think of you
your arms around me
and the safety of home

Even if the moon shall stop
and the waves shatter in their lonely dance
I will be there at the tide
Waiting for the salt in the air to stand still over the desert sand
to tell me stories of lost lands