My heart
Is a happy drunk
A little too open
A little too optimistic
It's over in the corner of the bar
Playing poker
Screaming at the top of it's lungs
I'M ALL IN
When it's never
To this day
Had a winning hand

My heart
Is a sad drunk
A little too lonely
A little too caught up in tears
It's over at the counter
Forcing the bartender to take its keys
Because it would rather not go home
Than go home alone again

My heart
Is a reckless drunk
A little too unbalanced
A little too impaired
It's over by the door
Making everyone nervous
A little too good at scaring people away
A little too far gone

Like you
A little too far gone
Turn your head
Shuffle away and pretend you don't notice
The breakdown of a heart
Too drunk on feelings
To know when to stop

but today the breeze penetrates my clothes
straight to the bone, shivering
without your warmth
the universe knows what today is
as if it were someway to make today one of mourning
my father's birthday
and
the day I learned you never loved me
the day I mourn the love of the men I crave
the day I mourn a love they are not capable of giving me.

they said I could do better but you are my best.

I stopped drinking after I met you
you were more bitter than the wine
you burned more than the whiskey
you were more toxic than the *****
out of all the bottles lining the shelves
you were the hardest to swallow

your insecurities forced you out of place
you were no longer a part of me
balance no longer existing
the other pieces of me wavering
then i fell apart
falling, crashing to the floor

time passed
i rebuilt my walls
this time with your piece missing
i learned to restore balance
then you came back
forcing your block in the empty space it once occupied
it was time to play again

you ignite me and with every breath I come closer
against your lips is where I find my home
we are smoke, dancing in unpredictability
but
do you see my ashes falling
sacrificing my own skin for your pleasure
will I become your addiction?