Do you ever feel so hollow the world could swallow you whole and no one would ever know?
So empty, wounded,and damaged.
That you could stop breathing and for the first time in a long time,  you'd feel something other than sadness?
Like dying is the only way you could feel as if you were ever even alive in the first place?
You feel non existent. Non important.
You feel dead. You feel alive. You feel sorrows deep inside.
Crave life. Crave meaning. Crave feeling.

I wouldn't mind dying.
I know that's not something I should just say and talking like this is no joke.
But if the opportunity showed up to no longer be living this sad life, I wouldn't hesitate.
Pull the trigger, Jump of that ledge.Sink to the bottom even though I know how to swim.    
If it was between always feeling this way, and ending this feeling...

I'd end it all in a heartbeat.

I told myself I was doing better.
For a while I believed I was.
I told myself I'd be a better me.
For a while I was.
I told myself that I would make it.
For a while I was doing well.
I told myself to not look back.
For a while I didn't.  
Yet once again here I am in the same space. A place I know much to well. A place I am  convinced is worse than hell.
I know this pain. I've been here before.  
Why the hell am I back here?
Why the hell did I let myself........


This hurts so much.

If we could just go back in time.
To that moment when you not only broke us, but shattered me , I wish you told me right away.
Feeding me lie after lie.
So simply.
So harmful.
So hateful.
Ate it right out your hand and you  loved every bit.
Not knowing what I know now.


Take it back. Go back and don’t do it again! please..


Or no,...
No!  Go ahead do it all over.
***** it all up again! ***** me all up again...
Break my heart one more time. Maybe this will help me see.
Help me see that what you did was no good.
Maybe I’ll wrap it all together and leave.’
Maybe I’ll let it all slip between my fingers rather than to grasp for it like I gasped for air.

You let me stay in hopes it’ll be okay.
You let me burn.
But I let you ignite me.
Yet I am the one who begged for forgiveness.
And as you watched me burn, you smiled.
Because you loved watching the smoke take every breath away.

Without a single doubt, I’d take back all that time.
To save my lungs the harmful gas. And my heart the painful wound.

A sad friend.

A sad story.

A dead end.

I wouldn't mind dying.
I know that's not something I should just say and talking like this is no joke.
But if the opportunity showed up to no longer be living this sad life, I wouldn't hesitate to end it.
Pull the trigger, Jump of that ledge.Sink to the bottom even though I know how to swim.    
If it was between always feeling this way, and ending this feeling...

I'd end it all in a heartbeat.