I don't regret it
Being with you
My first best friend
My first girl crush
Well that's a lie
The first girl crush
I allowed myself
To acknowledge
Was you.
You scared me more
Than anyone before you
I lived on edge for months  
I don't regret the
Music we shared
And the times
We cried
And the times we
Laughed
And the times when I was too scared to sleep because I thought I'd wake up to you having gone.
I don't regret loving you
Even though it hurts
Now
And I hope you know
That I still care.
I will always care
I think.

dear me in the 8th grade-

you haven’t even realized you like like boys yet.
you haven’t realized that all of those gay jokes are about you
so they don’t hurt your feelings, yet.
you haven’t seen what it’s like to be labeled as something, and also that the same label happens to be what everyone will know you as.
you didn’t realize that accepting yourself a lot sooner would’ve saved you a lot of memories you’d prefer to forget.

dear me in the 11th grade-

you’ve realized that after dating so many girls,
something just wasn’t really right.
you couldn’t pin-point it so you just ignored it.
maybe you thought love just wasn’t for you.
it wasn’t until that car ride with dad that you understood why everything was so confusing.
“be honest with me kid, are you gay?”
“oh ****...”
it was something that hadn’t even crossed my mind.

dear me in my 3rd year of college-

you’re definitely gay.
you’re challenged by the fact that you can’t hold your boyfriends hand in public the same way that your sisters and their boyfriends can.
you hate that dating through apps like
grindr and tinder seem to be the
best way to find “love”.
however, you love the fact that you now know exactly who you are, and you are unapologetic.